Usually...but it's customary to wait until somebody else posts....so (usually) no back to back posting.....
Gotcha. So have you heard the one about the green apples? See there's this guy, and his life's passion is to be an orchestra conductor, but he's a bad, like
really bad conductor, but he loves what he does and so he keeps at it, and he practices, and eventually he gets a job teaching a grade-school music class. So eventually the day of the big performance comes, and all the parents will be there and all the teachers, and he wants to impress them so he says "I know, instead of a wand, I'll conduct the orchestra with a sword, that will make everyone notice me and I'll become famous." So it's the day of the performance and the parents are there, and the teachers are there, and the kids are there, and the guy is there and he conducts the performance using his sword and he's swinging it this way, and waving it that way, and *snick!* off goes the cellist's head! So obviously he goes to jail and he's sentenced to be executed, and on the night before his execution, the warden comes to him and asks what he'd like for his last meal, and the man says "I'd like an entire bushel of green apples." The warden thinks this an odd request, but he's seen odder, and so he brings the apples, and the next morning the bushel is empty. The man had eaten every one of those green apples, stems, cores, and all. And so they take him to be executed and they strap him in to the electric chair, and they turn on the
juice, but he doesn't die. And so the law says if they execute you and it doesn't "take" then they have to let you free. So they let him go, and he continues on with his life. Now some people might be discouraged by an accidental murder and a failed execution, but not this guy. So he studies, and he practices, and he calls a guy he knows who knows a guy, and by now people have heard of him and someone gets the idea to put him on TV. They'll put him on TV and they'll broadcast it live to every living room in the world and they'll charge 8.99 for it, and it will be the show of the century. And it won't matter that he's such a bad conductor, because they'll have him conducting the London Philharmonic. They are the finest orchestra in the world; they could play blindfolded, heck they could even play with a
monkey conducting (but the execs had that planned for
next week) so certainly they could play with this guy at the podium. And yes, he will use the sword. But they're not stupid, they will protect the orchestra in a steel cage, with a brick wall and a wire fence between them and the conductor. So they start the show and the cameras are rolling, and the camera operators are there and the orchestra is there and the audience is there watching from every living room in the world for 8.99, and the conductor is there with his sword. And he is swinging it this way and waving it that way and he is smiling and grinning and the audience is smiling and grinning and the music swells and he becomes even more excited and he swings the sword harder and harder and he
cuts through the wire fence and he
knocks down the wall, and he
smashes through the steel cage and *snack!* off goes the flautist's head! And so of course he goes back to jail (same jail, same warden) and on the night before his execution, the warden comes and asks what he'd like for his last meal, and the man says "I'd like an entire bushel of green apples." And so the next morning they come to get him and the warden sees that the bushel is empty. Again, the man has eaten all the apples, stems, cores, and all. And so once again they take him to be executed and they strap him in to the electric chair, and they flip the switch and the electricity flows through him, but he doesn't die. And so once again, they have to let him free. So he collects his things and goes out into the world and just as he reaches the gate the warden says "just a minute, sir. If you don't mind me asking, what is your secret? What is it with the green apples that lets you survive the electricity?" And the man says "Oh it has nothing to do with the apples, I just like the taste. You see, I'm just a
really bad conductor!"
