Malice needs to rant!

[Malicedoll]

So you don't have to reply to this if you don't want to or even read it.. but i am soooo frustrated with a girl at work.. i just have to rant to someone!

So, in my office, i share my office with 3 other girls. We shall call them Jane, Sarah, and Mary. Jane and Mary are friends outside of work, they hang out together and do things, so on and so forth! Anyway.. me and Jane were talking about a computer system we work on and the problems it has been facing recently when Mary walked in and so we asked her "How are you getting around the issues?" So needless to say, Mary took this completely the wrong way and thought we were talking about her. So she started ignoring us and now she won't speak to any of us. Mary and Jane also leave at the same time and were walking out to the car, Jane was telling Mary something about her kids or whatever and Mary just completely ignored her and even rolled her eyes.

It's creating an unfavorable stressful work environment. I wrote her an email apologizing for any behavior i might have used that was inappropriate or offensive to her. Nada.. no response.. nothing.. she didn't respond at all... she just continued to ignore me.

Jane has the "i did nothing wrong" attitude going and while i completely agree with that stance, i attempted to be the bigger person and try to make peace in our little closet office!

I just don't understand how such a little misunderstaning can lead to such a big problem. I don't understand why Mary wouldn't just be like.. "hey.. were you all talking about me?" or whatever her issue is.. i don't see why she would pull herself from the team and be all butthurt over something so minute! We have been a team for like 3 years.. so i feel it's rude behavior and i did try to patch things over but if Mary doesn't want to meet me half way, i am not sure what else i can do.

thank you for letting me vent and scream on the inside.. it's very frustrating!

 

[Rexa]

There will always be girls who take things the wrong way. In fact, I find girls to just be annoying and overly sensitive to begin with (sorry to other girls) which is why I prefer to work with guys instead.

As twisted and psychologically reversed as this will sound. The more you're trying to explain to her that you did nothing wrong and did not mean to "offend" her in any way, the more she will take it as you trying to cover up something that you did not do to begin with. You're basically feeding her twisted ego which you've now discovered. YES it's true and dumb at the same time but more true nevertheless.

I have had things like this happen to me before where I was talking to someone else and some girl had the gall to not only .... into a conversation which had nothing to do with her but also to THINK it had something to do with her.

My reaction was simple. I ignored her reaction and continued on like nothing happened. Later on she started talking to me on her own accord approaching me with work-related matter. It was as if nothing happened. I'm not friends with her and I could care less what she really thought to be honest.

My advice to you is to stop pleading your case to her since you did nothing wrong. If however, you are required to speak with her and discuss things that are work-related and she does not respond to that kind of stuff then you need to talk to your supervisor about it. If you can live without talking to her then don't talk to her and I am sure at some point you guys will be ok somewhat again and be able to at least exchange a few friendly words.

The bottom line is that jealousy plays a huge role in these kinds of things especially where "open-friendships" exist in the work-place. There will always be someone who thinks that you're plotting their demise with someone else or brewing other dumb conspiracies in their head. I find if you approach such matters and accept them with a grain of salt, it makes others in turn, accept them the same way regardless of who was at fault. You'll never understand why some people act the way they do, unfortunately.

 

[Malicedoll]

Hi Rexa! thanks for the reply.. yeah.. she works on a completely different project than the rest of us.. but we were all working together but since this incident, she has completely pulled out of the group projects and is concentrating soley on her solo project. Which is fine, cause the rest of us can handle the work.. so i would only have to speak to her regarding usual team business. However, it's pretty frustrating when there are 4 of us who are supposed to be a team but she has decided she wants to work against us.

I agree with your assessment of the whole "covering something up" scenario. I didnt think about it until you mentioned it but it does make sense now that i am. I just sent that one email and since she didn't respond.. to hell with her.. I tried to reach out and make a bridge to open communication but if she doesn't want it.. that's fine. I am done.. if it continues, i might have to go talk to my supervisor. This stressful enviornment can't continue as it is affecting the rest of the team. I was just hoping to take care of business in-house rather than involving the mangement and ultimately HR. I don't want to deal with HR and i don't want her to get in trouble either. I really do like the girl, i think she's really nice and cool. I just think she is acting like a big baby.. but who knows, maybe it will blow over in a couple of days...

 

[Rexa]

Oh and as stressful as it might be causing your environment. She is actually causing more stress to herself than to you guys even if she is working solo. Imagine, she now feels like there is a majority against her. In essence, she has pushed herself out and made herself feel like a lonely outcast. So yes, give it a few days.

 

[Wildsky]

Gawd, nothing worse than a woman in a pissy mood.

Try ignore it if you can, you didn't do anything wrong and shouldn't feel bad or guilty or anything

 

[Malicedoll]

Thanks wildsky! i try but i am a "fixer" so i always want to fix problems.. gues it's that whole "being a mom" thing! how;s the chickies?

 

[Wildsky]

Thanks wildsky! i try but i am a "fixer" so i always want to fix problems.. gues it's that whole "being a mom" thing! how;s the chickies?

Sometimes you need to give it time before you can fix it.

Chicken is doing great, I need to clean out the crate again... dang poop!

 

[Malicedoll]

glad to hear she is doing better! been keeping ya in my thoughts!!!

 

[dawnlori]

Doll that sucks, nothing worse than stress at work, especially when she's playing the 'I'm not talking to ya' game. She sounds pretty immature and insecure to me. I know I'd rather have it out than the silent treatment stuff. Rexa is right, she is alienating herself from the group, too bad for her. Good luck, dawnlori

 

[Hellen A. Handbasket]

Nothing worse than having to work with someone who you just can't figure out. Been there, done that... it sucked.

I find that if someone over reacts like that, it's usually something else (insecurity, ego, etc.). Also possible that she may be still not talking to you because of the way she over reacted to begin with and is now embarrassed.

Just act like normal, maybe invite her on break or out to lunch in a few days (if you can still stand to be around her, ha). If she still ignores you... be as pleasant as you can... it's her problem and she looks bad.

 

[seminolewind]

The best way to get someone's attention is to ignore them , and not be the conversation opener. Works every time for me.
I agree with Rexa, and it does happen in every office.

 

[Mary Kay]

I call them the Queen bee's..no offence to any Bee's around here
I quit a job in an insurance office because I hated dealing with all the bee's. I work better alone. When I had a business I made sure my shift was with my sister or my best friend.
There is only one way to handle your situation..ignore the whole thing!
It turns into 7th grade in a hurry if you feed into it.
Worse comes to worse see the super or HR horrid as that might be and get it smoothed over.
Save the drama. Doll I will meet you for a beer and vape after you get off.

 

[mixxy]

I agree.. just ignoring her is the best way to handle it. I sure don't miss the days working in an office with other woman! I have my own dog grooming salon now, and work alone (except for the dogs) and I just love my peace & quiet!

 

[Elle]

its hard working with women sometimes... good for you malice being the bigger person though- that was the right thing to do.

hopefully she just needs a couple days to cool her head, anything longer than that she's being childish and extremely unprofessional. i'm sure we all have at least one person at work who's "not our favorite", yet we still need to remember we're at work and not a sewing circle and act accordingly.

she needs to get over it!!

 

[Malicedoll]

Thanks all for the support and advice..we'll see what happenes tomorrow.. mondays always suck anyway.. hopefully she got over it over the weekend.. i'll keep ya all clued in on the happenings!

ooh mary! a beer and a vape after work? I'll go anyday ya want!!! (Maybe we can get these gals to come along!!!)

 

[Mary Kay]

I see a road trip in my future. I have always wanted to see Phonix.. Peenix..Fenix ..uh Arizona.

 

[TxTrouble]

How did things go Malice? Did she get over it or still being a "b"? I worked in an office that was 80% women and seen/had something similar happen. Although we had probably 125 people in our office. Which made it a lot easier to just ignore her.

 

[CssReb]

Just a word of advice. Never put anything in writing ie..email and never talk bad about the person involved to other coworkers. Somehow those things will always turn around and bite ya in the .....

 

[Mary Kay]

SOOO? What happened, I am so nosy..or sticky beaked!

 

[TxTrouble]

SOOO? What happened, I am so nosy..or sticky beaked!

I am wondering the samething. What happened?