Gather round, boys and girls, it's time for part 2 of my Juicy Vapor round up! Today, I will be reading evrything in the voice of Ian McKellen. If you missed the first part, you missed out on a lot of fun. There was dancing and singing and grandpa peed himself. Good times.
In an act of pure kismet, fate, and/or Providence, Rhode Island, my juices arrived on the same day as my ProVari, and let me tell you, boys 'n girls, it just doesn't get any more awesome than that. Until I get to that one juice that makes me want to rip my esophagus out, anyway. Not that I'm giving anything away, here. I can assure you that I still have my esophagus. At any rate, I'm going to sample this at a variety of voltages and mention if and when it tastes better at different ones. I won't get too specific because the variance in resistance from atty to atty sort of makes that kind of useless, as something at 3.7v on a 2.2ohm atty isn't the same as something at 3.7v on a 3.2ohm atty. I'll only say if it's better at high voltages or not. I'll also be sure to mention any -ectomies I perform on myself.
As always, standard disclaimer: Taste is subjective. My tastebuds are not yours. May contain traces of nuts. There are four lights.
Okay, enough talking. On with the juice!
Grape Bubble Gum
One of my wife's choices. I'm not a huge fruit flavour kinda guy and I take only certain candy flavours in small doses, but I won't let that colour my opinion. And speaking of colour, JV's Grape Bubble Gum is such an inky, opaque colour that I'm tempted to go check in the mirror to see if it turned my tongue purple. I actually think this could possibly stain clothes. As far as the flavour goes, this is one of those semi-arbitrary namings where the flavour could pass for grape bubble gum, or grape Pixie Stix, or grape Kool Aid, or grape Sweet Tarts. But whatever you choose to picture it as in your head as you vape it, it is most definitely an accurate powder candy (or beverage, or gum) grape flavour that reminds me very strongly of the candies of my youth. Oh, who am I kidding, I still eat those things.
Verdict: 8/10 (Hubba hubba bubba)
Cappuccino
Yeah, yeah. I know. The coffees weren't good in part 1. But I ordered this batch before my first one arrived, so I didn't know any better. Let's just say that there isn't much difference here. It still isn't any kind of proper coffee. Still getting wood, and still not the good kind. I don't know what it is about JV's coffees -- obviously they all use the same base, so just as obviously it is that base that needs to be taken out by Seal Team 6 so the flavours it has taken hostage are allowed to go free. Maybe this might work better in a dual coil or something, but really? I don't want to waste one. Besides, bumping the voltage only made things worse.
Verdict: 3/10 (You're supposed to take the wooden stir stick out.)
Caramel Cappuccino
Do I really have to do this? *sigh* Fiiiiiine. Take the above cappuccino. Now mix in two fifths of a millilitre of caramel. Unlike the Caramel Macchiato from part 1, the cappuccino got straight up sick and tired of caramel's bulls$%& and curb stomped it. So what you're really left with is cappuccino with caramel's corpse floating around down there somewhere. Okay? Are we done with the coffee now? Can I go? Jeez.
Verdict: 3/10 (Alas, poor caramel, I knew him, Juicy...)
Turtles
You remember that old commercial with the animated turtle with the monocle making his way around a cotillion singing about how much he loves Turtles? Wasn't that creepy? Singing about eating things shaped like him. Or amorphous blobs that kinda looked like him, at least. Anyway, if there's one thing I can't see him singing praise for it's this juice. It isn't bad actually, but it's nothing to make that creepy turtle's monocle pop off. Turtles is supposed to be rich caramel, smooth chocolate, and pecans. This ... wasn't. There's some caramel in there, kinda. If there's chocolate, it's hiding. Probably in shame. No pecans, but there's something else there, because caramel isn't the only thing I taste. Could the taste of Nestlé's disapproving frown. I did crank this one up to 5.5V on a 3.3ohm atty, but all it did was make the mystery flavour sweat a little. Meh. Vapable, good vapor, good TH.
Verdict: 5/10 (Let's just call them tortoises. Or maybe eels.)
Grandma's Apple Pie
If there's one thing grandmothers know, it's how to make a pie. And preserves. And darn socks. And play bingo. And move to Florida. Now, I don't know whose grandmother made this, but cooking was not her forté. I mean, it's actually not bad at all, but to call it apple pie, no matter whose elder made it, should make that elder a bit cross. There's absolutely apple in there, that's the dominant flavour as you'd expect. There's also some nice sweet spice in there, and I want to say it's cinnamon, but what I'm getting is more a bowl of spicy potpourri. Spicy potpourri smells nice, no doubt, and maybe I'm just weird (go on, say it) but I've never been tempted to eat a bowl of it. Maybe that's my loss, I dunno, but it makes for a slightly odd bedfellow when paired with apples. That said though it's still rather tasty, produces good vapor and TH, and is definitely something I could see myself putting on the upper half of my list. But there's just no damn way my gramma would cop to making this.
Verdict: 7/10 (She can't. She's dead.)
Cookie Dough
I think it is taken for granted that whenever cookie dough is offered up as a comestible, it is that buttery sort of cookie dough one makes preparatory to adding chocolate chips. When I first put this in a 510 atty, I couldn't really nail down what it was. It had a bland, mildly sweet, but unidentifiable flavour. I thought it might be that I didn't clean the atty well enough, so I went ahead and filled a carto with it. Now what I get is a bland, mildly sweet, but unidentifiable flavour, and it isn't cookie dough. Unless the main ingredient in your batter is drywall. No, that's not it. Drywall tastes like chalk. This doesn't even taste like chalk. It tastes like someone tried to flavour water with the few scraps of cotton candy that were stuck to the cone. I mean, there's a definite sweetness there, but once you pull back that curtain, there's no wizard there, no cookie dough, no big control panel, and Toto is barking madly at a leaf. Good TH and vapor though.
Verdict: 4/10 (Also, the big green head wasn't there when you entered, just a really crappy lounge singer who thanks everyone when they don't clap.)
Cinnamon Swirl Danish
I had high hopes for this one. I really wanted to like it. In the bottle it smelled heavenly, reminding me those cinnamon swirl cookies -- Coffee Breaks, they're called. They had that stupid commercial in Canada with the guy reading the French side of the bag and thinking they were called "croconoli ala cannelly." I hated that commercial. Liked the cookies, though. Well, I am happy to report that JV's Cinnamon Swirl Danish it's even better when vaped. Holy hell in a dashiki, is this good. For the first time in my reviews of Jv's juices I can taste all of the components mingling individually. The cinnamon, the cookie (for it really does taste more like the cookie than a danish), even the icing on top; everything in perfect proportion. It's like inhaling a whole bag of those cookies, minus the raisins. I never liked the raisins anyway. They had no business being there. Good TH and vapor. This one deserved its own carto, and oddly enough I actually preferred vaping this one at a slightly lower voltage, perhaps because it was like having a cookie when it's still a bit warm from the oven rather than snatched straight from the cookie sheet while it was still baking.
Verdict: A golden 10/10 (You know that song by The Lonely Island? You know, that one. No, not "Like a Boss." No, no, not "I Just Had Sex" or "I'm On a Boat." The other one! Anyway, I'm certain this was what they were really singing about.)
Chocolate Butter Cream
I don't know what to make of this. (Other than a hat, a brooch, or a pterodactyl.) On the one hand I can kind of taste some buttery creamy thing floating around in the miasma. On the other, it appears that the alleged chocolate should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque, because it's completely lost. It's ... nice? I guess? Could be nice if I knew what I was tasting. But if the flavour in this liquid was an amplifier from Spinal Tap, it would only go up to two.
Verdict: 4/10 (I'm giving butter cream some leeway here because it's distant and lonely.)
English Butter Toffee
Here's a helpful tip: When smelling juices to get a sense of the aroma, don't squeeze the bottle too hard. Juice up the nose is ... unpleasant. As for how it vapes? Let's just say that slapping "English" on this toffee doesn't make it posh. It's not bad, but it's a pretty artificial-tasting toffee. Where proper English toffee speaks with a cursive London accent, sips its tea and carries a brolly under one arm, a briefcase on the other hand, and wears a derby, this toffee is an eastside chav clad entirely in burberry yelling, "Oi, I bet that's wot your muvva said last night!" Pleasant, decent vapor, but thoroughly pedestrian.
Verdict: 5/10 (Oi, wot'd you say about my mum?)
And finally, I ordered a run of minty chocolate vapes, because after getting hooked on MadVapes' chocolate mint, I had to get more. But I wasn't ordering from MadVapes. I was ordering from JuicyVapor. So I ordered a few variants. Let's see how they stack up, shall we?
Mint Chocolate Chip
Mmmmyeeeeees. Yes, that's minty. Minty cool. And chocolate. Semi-dark chocolate. Kind of a midrange mix between dark and milk. The mulatto of chocolates, if you will, with the cool smoothness of a nice clean mint. What I'm trying to say is, I'm vaping Jennifer Beals. A delectable vape, not too bold, just the right balance between the chocolate and the mint, and just the right touch of darkness to the chocolate -- and not that fake chocolate from part 1, either, the douche. Most excellent.
Verdict: 9/10 (Now I'm picturing Jennifer Beals sandwiched between two York patties.)
Mint Chocolate Patty
In ordering three different variations of basically the same thing, I led myself to hypothesize that I probably wasn't going to be able to tell much difference between them. But variety is good, right? Maybe one had nicer chocolate or the other had a smoother mint. However, on loading up Mint Chocolate Patty into the atty, my initial reaction to the first vape I took of it went something along the lines of, "OH SWEET CHRIST I JUST INHALED NOVACAINE." By the time I defrosted my teeth, I came to the conclusion that this juice is the vapable version of Listerine breath strips or Altoids. That's not a bad thing -- actually it's kind of neat having a vapable extreme mint flavour that makes me feel like I'm going to produce snow on the exhale. The problem is, any chocolate flavour it might have wanted to impart is smothered with a pillow until it stops kicking by the mint. I can sort of tell it's there if I taste the juice itself, but as a vapor, all I get is HEY, I'M PEPPERMINT, WHAT'S YOUR NAME, NEVER MIND I DON'T GIVE A CRAP, I'M F%$&KING PEPPERMINT. The other problem is that TH is almost non-existent (but that's okay, you're inhaling Antarctica, don't want to push it) and the vapor production is weak. You'll also never get the taste out of your atty or carto. This stuff will bring its steamer trunks and Al Greene CD collection and start dialing up booty calls. Long distance.
Verdict: 5/10 (On the upside, you'll have fresh breath for three weeks straight.)
Mint-Always
The implication in the description for this juice is that it's supposed to taste like an After Eight mint. The reality is that it straddles the uncomfortable divide between the smooth, chocolatey velvet of Mint Chocolate Chip and the mouthful of liquid nitrogen of Mint Chocolate Patty, though if it was to pick a side it would be much more firmly toward the Mint Chocolate Chip side with only certain, mostly unrealized dreams to be as cool as Patty. With the proportions of chocolate to mint skewed about evenly in the other direction as Mint Chocolate Chip, the end result comes off as just a little too minty and not chocolatey enough for me, though I suppose there are going to be those who like it that way. Certainly not unpleasant, but Mint Chocolate Chip definitely scores the highest marks in this triad. Good vapor and TH.
Verdict: 6/10 (Mint-Always is a bit optimistic. I'd go with Mint-Occasionally.)
Aaand that's the lot! I have to apologize in advance that no organs were torn out during the making of this roundup. I'll try harder next time, especially if the next vendor sends me a sample of beef bourguignon that I'll feel obligated to include in my sampling. Also, you may have noticed there's one juice in the picture that wasn't in the list. It's one I did in Part 1. Yes, I accidentally ordered a duplicate, and naturally, it's one I didn't like.
Tune in next time when Dr. Snuggles wrestles an octopus in a vat of marmite!
In an act of pure kismet, fate, and/or Providence, Rhode Island, my juices arrived on the same day as my ProVari, and let me tell you, boys 'n girls, it just doesn't get any more awesome than that. Until I get to that one juice that makes me want to rip my esophagus out, anyway. Not that I'm giving anything away, here. I can assure you that I still have my esophagus. At any rate, I'm going to sample this at a variety of voltages and mention if and when it tastes better at different ones. I won't get too specific because the variance in resistance from atty to atty sort of makes that kind of useless, as something at 3.7v on a 2.2ohm atty isn't the same as something at 3.7v on a 3.2ohm atty. I'll only say if it's better at high voltages or not. I'll also be sure to mention any -ectomies I perform on myself.
As always, standard disclaimer: Taste is subjective. My tastebuds are not yours. May contain traces of nuts. There are four lights.
Okay, enough talking. On with the juice!
Grape Bubble Gum
One of my wife's choices. I'm not a huge fruit flavour kinda guy and I take only certain candy flavours in small doses, but I won't let that colour my opinion. And speaking of colour, JV's Grape Bubble Gum is such an inky, opaque colour that I'm tempted to go check in the mirror to see if it turned my tongue purple. I actually think this could possibly stain clothes. As far as the flavour goes, this is one of those semi-arbitrary namings where the flavour could pass for grape bubble gum, or grape Pixie Stix, or grape Kool Aid, or grape Sweet Tarts. But whatever you choose to picture it as in your head as you vape it, it is most definitely an accurate powder candy (or beverage, or gum) grape flavour that reminds me very strongly of the candies of my youth. Oh, who am I kidding, I still eat those things.
Verdict: 8/10 (Hubba hubba bubba)
Cappuccino
Yeah, yeah. I know. The coffees weren't good in part 1. But I ordered this batch before my first one arrived, so I didn't know any better. Let's just say that there isn't much difference here. It still isn't any kind of proper coffee. Still getting wood, and still not the good kind. I don't know what it is about JV's coffees -- obviously they all use the same base, so just as obviously it is that base that needs to be taken out by Seal Team 6 so the flavours it has taken hostage are allowed to go free. Maybe this might work better in a dual coil or something, but really? I don't want to waste one. Besides, bumping the voltage only made things worse.
Verdict: 3/10 (You're supposed to take the wooden stir stick out.)
Caramel Cappuccino
Do I really have to do this? *sigh* Fiiiiiine. Take the above cappuccino. Now mix in two fifths of a millilitre of caramel. Unlike the Caramel Macchiato from part 1, the cappuccino got straight up sick and tired of caramel's bulls$%& and curb stomped it. So what you're really left with is cappuccino with caramel's corpse floating around down there somewhere. Okay? Are we done with the coffee now? Can I go? Jeez.
Verdict: 3/10 (Alas, poor caramel, I knew him, Juicy...)
Turtles
You remember that old commercial with the animated turtle with the monocle making his way around a cotillion singing about how much he loves Turtles? Wasn't that creepy? Singing about eating things shaped like him. Or amorphous blobs that kinda looked like him, at least. Anyway, if there's one thing I can't see him singing praise for it's this juice. It isn't bad actually, but it's nothing to make that creepy turtle's monocle pop off. Turtles is supposed to be rich caramel, smooth chocolate, and pecans. This ... wasn't. There's some caramel in there, kinda. If there's chocolate, it's hiding. Probably in shame. No pecans, but there's something else there, because caramel isn't the only thing I taste. Could the taste of Nestlé's disapproving frown. I did crank this one up to 5.5V on a 3.3ohm atty, but all it did was make the mystery flavour sweat a little. Meh. Vapable, good vapor, good TH.
Verdict: 5/10 (Let's just call them tortoises. Or maybe eels.)
Grandma's Apple Pie
If there's one thing grandmothers know, it's how to make a pie. And preserves. And darn socks. And play bingo. And move to Florida. Now, I don't know whose grandmother made this, but cooking was not her forté. I mean, it's actually not bad at all, but to call it apple pie, no matter whose elder made it, should make that elder a bit cross. There's absolutely apple in there, that's the dominant flavour as you'd expect. There's also some nice sweet spice in there, and I want to say it's cinnamon, but what I'm getting is more a bowl of spicy potpourri. Spicy potpourri smells nice, no doubt, and maybe I'm just weird (go on, say it) but I've never been tempted to eat a bowl of it. Maybe that's my loss, I dunno, but it makes for a slightly odd bedfellow when paired with apples. That said though it's still rather tasty, produces good vapor and TH, and is definitely something I could see myself putting on the upper half of my list. But there's just no damn way my gramma would cop to making this.
Verdict: 7/10 (She can't. She's dead.)
Cookie Dough
I think it is taken for granted that whenever cookie dough is offered up as a comestible, it is that buttery sort of cookie dough one makes preparatory to adding chocolate chips. When I first put this in a 510 atty, I couldn't really nail down what it was. It had a bland, mildly sweet, but unidentifiable flavour. I thought it might be that I didn't clean the atty well enough, so I went ahead and filled a carto with it. Now what I get is a bland, mildly sweet, but unidentifiable flavour, and it isn't cookie dough. Unless the main ingredient in your batter is drywall. No, that's not it. Drywall tastes like chalk. This doesn't even taste like chalk. It tastes like someone tried to flavour water with the few scraps of cotton candy that were stuck to the cone. I mean, there's a definite sweetness there, but once you pull back that curtain, there's no wizard there, no cookie dough, no big control panel, and Toto is barking madly at a leaf. Good TH and vapor though.
Verdict: 4/10 (Also, the big green head wasn't there when you entered, just a really crappy lounge singer who thanks everyone when they don't clap.)
Cinnamon Swirl Danish
I had high hopes for this one. I really wanted to like it. In the bottle it smelled heavenly, reminding me those cinnamon swirl cookies -- Coffee Breaks, they're called. They had that stupid commercial in Canada with the guy reading the French side of the bag and thinking they were called "croconoli ala cannelly." I hated that commercial. Liked the cookies, though. Well, I am happy to report that JV's Cinnamon Swirl Danish it's even better when vaped. Holy hell in a dashiki, is this good. For the first time in my reviews of Jv's juices I can taste all of the components mingling individually. The cinnamon, the cookie (for it really does taste more like the cookie than a danish), even the icing on top; everything in perfect proportion. It's like inhaling a whole bag of those cookies, minus the raisins. I never liked the raisins anyway. They had no business being there. Good TH and vapor. This one deserved its own carto, and oddly enough I actually preferred vaping this one at a slightly lower voltage, perhaps because it was like having a cookie when it's still a bit warm from the oven rather than snatched straight from the cookie sheet while it was still baking.
Verdict: A golden 10/10 (You know that song by The Lonely Island? You know, that one. No, not "Like a Boss." No, no, not "I Just Had Sex" or "I'm On a Boat." The other one! Anyway, I'm certain this was what they were really singing about.)
Chocolate Butter Cream
I don't know what to make of this. (Other than a hat, a brooch, or a pterodactyl.) On the one hand I can kind of taste some buttery creamy thing floating around in the miasma. On the other, it appears that the alleged chocolate should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque, because it's completely lost. It's ... nice? I guess? Could be nice if I knew what I was tasting. But if the flavour in this liquid was an amplifier from Spinal Tap, it would only go up to two.
Verdict: 4/10 (I'm giving butter cream some leeway here because it's distant and lonely.)
English Butter Toffee
Here's a helpful tip: When smelling juices to get a sense of the aroma, don't squeeze the bottle too hard. Juice up the nose is ... unpleasant. As for how it vapes? Let's just say that slapping "English" on this toffee doesn't make it posh. It's not bad, but it's a pretty artificial-tasting toffee. Where proper English toffee speaks with a cursive London accent, sips its tea and carries a brolly under one arm, a briefcase on the other hand, and wears a derby, this toffee is an eastside chav clad entirely in burberry yelling, "Oi, I bet that's wot your muvva said last night!" Pleasant, decent vapor, but thoroughly pedestrian.
Verdict: 5/10 (Oi, wot'd you say about my mum?)
And finally, I ordered a run of minty chocolate vapes, because after getting hooked on MadVapes' chocolate mint, I had to get more. But I wasn't ordering from MadVapes. I was ordering from JuicyVapor. So I ordered a few variants. Let's see how they stack up, shall we?
Mint Chocolate Chip
Mmmmyeeeeees. Yes, that's minty. Minty cool. And chocolate. Semi-dark chocolate. Kind of a midrange mix between dark and milk. The mulatto of chocolates, if you will, with the cool smoothness of a nice clean mint. What I'm trying to say is, I'm vaping Jennifer Beals. A delectable vape, not too bold, just the right balance between the chocolate and the mint, and just the right touch of darkness to the chocolate -- and not that fake chocolate from part 1, either, the douche. Most excellent.
Verdict: 9/10 (Now I'm picturing Jennifer Beals sandwiched between two York patties.)
Mint Chocolate Patty
In ordering three different variations of basically the same thing, I led myself to hypothesize that I probably wasn't going to be able to tell much difference between them. But variety is good, right? Maybe one had nicer chocolate or the other had a smoother mint. However, on loading up Mint Chocolate Patty into the atty, my initial reaction to the first vape I took of it went something along the lines of, "OH SWEET CHRIST I JUST INHALED NOVACAINE." By the time I defrosted my teeth, I came to the conclusion that this juice is the vapable version of Listerine breath strips or Altoids. That's not a bad thing -- actually it's kind of neat having a vapable extreme mint flavour that makes me feel like I'm going to produce snow on the exhale. The problem is, any chocolate flavour it might have wanted to impart is smothered with a pillow until it stops kicking by the mint. I can sort of tell it's there if I taste the juice itself, but as a vapor, all I get is HEY, I'M PEPPERMINT, WHAT'S YOUR NAME, NEVER MIND I DON'T GIVE A CRAP, I'M F%$&KING PEPPERMINT. The other problem is that TH is almost non-existent (but that's okay, you're inhaling Antarctica, don't want to push it) and the vapor production is weak. You'll also never get the taste out of your atty or carto. This stuff will bring its steamer trunks and Al Greene CD collection and start dialing up booty calls. Long distance.
Verdict: 5/10 (On the upside, you'll have fresh breath for three weeks straight.)
Mint-Always
The implication in the description for this juice is that it's supposed to taste like an After Eight mint. The reality is that it straddles the uncomfortable divide between the smooth, chocolatey velvet of Mint Chocolate Chip and the mouthful of liquid nitrogen of Mint Chocolate Patty, though if it was to pick a side it would be much more firmly toward the Mint Chocolate Chip side with only certain, mostly unrealized dreams to be as cool as Patty. With the proportions of chocolate to mint skewed about evenly in the other direction as Mint Chocolate Chip, the end result comes off as just a little too minty and not chocolatey enough for me, though I suppose there are going to be those who like it that way. Certainly not unpleasant, but Mint Chocolate Chip definitely scores the highest marks in this triad. Good vapor and TH.
Verdict: 6/10 (Mint-Always is a bit optimistic. I'd go with Mint-Occasionally.)
Aaand that's the lot! I have to apologize in advance that no organs were torn out during the making of this roundup. I'll try harder next time, especially if the next vendor sends me a sample of beef bourguignon that I'll feel obligated to include in my sampling. Also, you may have noticed there's one juice in the picture that wasn't in the list. It's one I did in Part 1. Yes, I accidentally ordered a duplicate, and naturally, it's one I didn't like.
Tune in next time when Dr. Snuggles wrestles an octopus in a vat of marmite!
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Glad you enjoyed it! My reviews seem not to be for everyone, but ... well, that's just how I roll. Snark runs in my veins. Along with some of that mint chocolate patty, I think, because I keep getting inexplicable chills and penguins keep wanting to nest around me.
