Moving in your 50's

[NanC]

How many here have had to move far away to a place where you didn't know even one person?

I'm 54 years old and never lived anywhere but the East Coast and now we may be moving to Chicago... I feel like a scared 12yr old.

Anyone have any tips on adjusting, (besides telling me to grow up, lol)?

 

[beebopnjazz]

Arghhh....after typing my response the server was too busy! Glad I copied it!

Hmmm....was younger (30) when I did this. DH had to be out of town for weeks (home on weekends) - didn't even know where the grocery store was. He armed me with a great map book of Philadelphia- right down to the block hundreds, schools, churches, etc (or I'd still be looking for the key shop).

Most of my new neighbors weren't really interested in knowing us - seems the family that left made up some tale that we were only staying a couple of years and we had "money"- (I wish). After getting the kids squared away in school - I got a job - slowly my new neighbors realized that we were nice and worth knowing. Ended up having some strong friendships (being Philadelphia - think Row home - we live very close together here- you can't avoid your neighbors)

It's hard...not gonna lie to you.

If you're planning on working - that's a good start.

If you're not planning on working - think of your hobbies and find a place to get involved with others sharing your interests - we have a weekly paper that lists local news and goings-on - there are pages of events, classes, etc. listed every week.

Take a class at the local community college - not all the classes are chocked full of 18-20 year olds (I took an Italian language class - we spanned from 23-60+ in there)

It is scary - but it's also an adventure- take yourself out of the equation and tell me what you would tell someone else to do in your position......you have more ideas than you think you do - the fear is stopping you short.

You'll be more confident in your wanderings if you have a GPS too - not being afraid to go somewhere in case you get "lost".

 

[Mary Kay]

We were Military..My parents and my husband..so moving was a way of life. But since we bought our home before he retired and have moved once since then, we have been in only two cities in 30 years. Now we are moving back to Tampa, my childhood home..it's not scary for me as it's the house I grew up in and have friends and family there.
As a vetran of moves to new places I can tell you to dive right in. Go to the neighborhood stores and meet people. Get a library card, take classes or join a yoga..swim..walking..chess whatever group!
We as women survive only when surrounded by girlfriends! Create a new family to share nights out with and weekend fun..Detroit is snow country, so that means long winters and cabin fever. Hobbies are wonderful..but even better with friends.
Don't forget to keep us in your circle too!

 

[NanC]

Thank you both for your answers!

Ooh, beebop, I wish I was in my 30's facing this! I would still have a son in school, which would be easier, I think (for me,anyway, if not for him, lol) You meet people easily with school age kids...we all know that.

I am an illustrator...at one time, all books, but more recently, I've been doing other artwork, but still work in very much a solitary environment...so I won't be working at "a place of business". I think that's what's worrying me.

It's totally fine here, because I can work all week alone and still see all my dear friends (some of them friends for 30+ years) on weekends...now, I won't be able to.

And thanks, MK, also for your advice! I will dive in...I love meeting new people and feel blessed that I make friends fairly easily. It's just that I will miss the many people that have been a part of my life on a daily basis for the past 25 years...some of them longer. It's so hard to know I'll have to say goodbye.

I know there are much bigger problems in the world than what I'm talking about...and I will step up to the plate and embrace this change. It's just that I learned of this in final terms tonight and needed to vent my fears a bit.

Thanks for listening...you all are great!

 

[keyzygirl]

Im glad that you make friends easily,youll do fine.I guess you just have to put yourself out there.I found a coffee house and went for coffee a few times a week and met quite a few people.

 

[NanC]

Thanks keyzy...I do love coffee, so I guess I could start there!






But, I'm still very sad...

 

[Mary Kay]

Fears are understood, sadness too. It's harder to make big changes as we age..maybe it's that we have history where we were or maybe because we need to feel roots.

Have you ever noticed that the people who do genealogy are older? The young look forward, the mature look back.

All you can do is make the best of it and look at it as an adventure. This doesn't mean you have to leave your friends behind in this day and age of the internet..facebook is fun and keeps you conected. I have a friend I met in Cheyenne, 34 years ago, we keep in touch on facebook. Hopefully friends and family will visit and you will have visits home.

It's good that you have a job you can do at home..but don't let it trap you there. Think about joining a couples activity..like bowling.

I met most of my neighbors by taking walks, they waved and finally stopped by thier fences for a chat. I live in the country so houses are 2 to 10 arces apart so meeting people isn't easy.

I wish you good luck and happy travels. keep us up with it!

 

[beebopnjazz]

It is sad to leave old friends behind - but MK is right, in this day and age it's easier than ever to stay in touch.

I guess I'm "mature" as my hobby is GENEALOGY!

 

[NanC]

I know and I will stay in touch...but it's not the same thing as seeing people on a regular basis

I have a distant relative (whom I met online while looking up my family, lol) who is a geneologist by trade; gives lectures, writes articles and books, etc., and she's about 33 years old...she's mature, too!

I do know what you mean though, MK... looking back and holding on can become more important as we age.

 

[Mary Kay]

I met some distant relatives while doing genealogy too. They are so distant we coudn't even figure out the "removed" and numbers. But they were more help then my closer cousins.

Don't you just love the word "mature" such a nice word for ladies of a certain age!

 

[Saintscruiser]

I can really relate as my ex was military and we were back and forth across the Atlantic. I was way younger then and my spirit loved adventure. Now, I still love a great adventure, you know, waiting to see what is around the corner, but am somewhat hindered by disabilities. However, if I were the one moving, I would:

1) Insist a moving company do all of the work, including the packing and moving.
2) Look forward to decorating a new house or apt. One of the first things I always pictured was....where will my Christmas tree look the best!
3) Find a cool church where they accept you as you are....maybe eventually get involved in some activities and make new friends.
4) I liked the idea of maybe taking classes.
5) I would think you could do your work in IL
6) Visit your friends on the east coast 2 times a year and them visit you 2 times a year....or as often as possible.

It's going to be different, no question about it, but the difference is going to be your attitude.....that's once the shock wears off. And remember, everyone's gonna still be here to help support you.

 

[jj2]

I met some distant relatives while doing genealogy too. They are so distant we coudn't even figure out the "removed" and numbers. But they were more help then my closer cousins.

Don't you just love the word "mature" such a nice word for ladies of a certain age!

.... luck on the move---I hope you like cold winters.

MK, you should start a genealogy tips & tricks thread.

 

[Mary Kay]

I did! I will dredge it back up from the hinterlands of this forum! LOL

 

[Kimerpuff]

NanC,
Hey we will be almost neighbors! Minnesota and Chicago have pretty similar winter weather so be prepared to bundle up! Chicago gets lake effect snow I think.. so you will want to be prepared I love winter, snuggling in during a good snow!

 

[SudokuGal]

I moved a fair amount in my early adulthood and it was so much easier than the last major move 5 years ago from Ohio to Florida in my early 50s (and I had family members here in FL). I can imagine what it must be like for a first mover!

I second the Facebook route as a way to keep in touch...also Twitter. They're the closest thing to replicating that day-to-day contact. I always say it's the sharing of the mundane in our lives that really bonds us...who else but a close friend can you tell the most stupid thought to...and not have them laugh...or if they do, you know they're laughing with you, not at you. Keeping those close contacts will help you not feel so far away from them or that you've left them behind.

Working at home does present a problem in meeting new folks. Chicago is an exciting city so maybe making a plan/schedule of exploring it might help. I'm sure there are plenty of opportunities for volunteer work too...you'd meet lots of folks that way and it would be difficult to fall into the dumps. And, believe me, you will have those days that you're so homesick you think it'll scar your soul. But, those pass with them and become more sweet than bitter in time.

Best wishes on your move!