I've watched these posts go up for nearly a year now. I've.laughed, cried and rejoiced with others. I've offered my support and limited knowledge when I could but I have received so much more from the members here in return. As I've seen my own struggles play out on line through their typed words and have learned so much..
A little about my smoking past............
.Cigarettes were always apart of my life, My entire family smoked in the house, in the car and never seemed concerned about the health effects that we would all be suffering from in time, it was normal and acceptable. I remember playing outside when I was about 5 years old watching a car cruse down the road and flick a cigarette out the window, I scurried into the street picked up that nasty .... and stuck it in my mouth. Oh did I feel grown up and cool. Yes, cool was important to me even then. At this time I was also my mothers little cigarette buyer. She would send me to the market with a note to buy her daily pack. I felt good doing this, I was her buddy and partner..
.Fast forward 7 years, at 12 life became difficult. Home and family became a place I could no longer stay. I moved to my first group home. Not a nice place at all but all the children there smoked too. So I quickly joined the smoking circle, it became ritual and being a pack of cigs only cost about .35 cents we were all allowed to smoke..By the time I was 13 I was fully committed in destroying my life, health and chain smoked always. How sad a thing now that I look back. I never tried to quit, cigarettes were always paid for and most workers of these group homes and foster homes smoked too. They used cigarettes as a way to gain control over us kids. If we did our chores and didn't cause any problems for them they happily bought our smokes..
.Well my smoking continued through the years and when I hit 20 years old I developed a chronic cough. After a year of Dr visits and testing I was diagnosed with a very serious lung disease and my prognosis was bad. Doctors weren't sure if I would even reach the age of 25. I lost all hope then, I believed I was dying quickly, I was scared, depressed and most of all I was ashamed for what I did to myself. I said screw it why bother quitting now, my life has already ended.....And I shamefully smoked..
.At this time my beautiful, wonderful, loving Grandmother quit smoking to show me it could be done but I didn't care. 2 years later she was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer. It had already metastasized to nearly all of her other organs. I remember holding her small frail hand with tears in her eyes as she pleaded with me to stop smoking and I felt terrible, I saw how much pain she was in and I felt disgusted with myself...I promised her I would quit and took my smoking underground .for her remaining days. I felt like a monster, I hated myself..
.2 months later in her bedroom the pain was too much for her, bed sores infested her body and no amounts of gentle care and love could make these go away, she could no longer eat because thrush coated her mouth and throat. I would beg and plead just to get her to take a little water. .I remember how small she was, how thin her skin had become and how it stretched over her bones. You could see everything. Her lips were an unnatural grey blue as she struggled to catch each breath as her lungs slowly filled with fluid. I remember the day she pleaded with me for more morphine and the doctors and I discussed what this would mean. It was her time, though I thought losing her would be my end too. I held her had as she took her last breath..
.Remembering this kills me still and I can't help but cry.....I will never forget her suffering and pain. This is what smoking looks like. This is what it's like to lose someone you love more than your own life. This is how cigarettes affected me..And yet full of shame I continued to smoke....
.Well the years came and went and I didn't die, it was a miracle though my health did continue to deteriorate and I couldn't always keep up with my friends. I was always limited by my smoking. (The doctors had miss diagnosed me)
A year ago December 26th 2 am 2010 I.was surfing the internet. Depressed and scared at the heart palpitations I always seem to get after smoking, and even more frightened by my breathing, chest pains and chronic hack I never could get rid of. I had tried the last few years to quit but never succeeded for more than a month or 2 at a time. I tried all the methods, patches, anti depressants, lozenges, and worst of all Chantix.
.When a Green Smoke pop up invaded my computer. I checked it out, watched a gazillion YouTube reviews on how great it was. I was SOLD!!!! I bought my kit and told everyone who would listen I was quitting. (FOR REAL) My postal stocking began the very next day..
.On Monday January 3rd my kit arrived. I was excited and full of hope. Believe it or not it worked. I smoked one cigarette each day till the 6th when I said screw it an threw out my last 12 cigs. Of course it wasn't a great kit but with more research I found this forum, I went out and bought an overpriced Riva kit. I haven't looked back since.
.Now when I need them most words are failing me. I can't accurately express the depth of gratitude I feel at being a part of this great community and what everyone here has contributed and taught me...Most importantly, have given me the support I needed to succeed..
I WAS a 1 to 2 ppd smoker for 27 years. I will NEVER smoke again.
Thank you, each and every one of you, who has taken the time to post welcomes to the Noobs, give advice and heartfelt support. For all the moderators who work tirelessly keeping this forum running. And all the wonderful people who have made it their life's passion to educate and keep ecigs available to us all..
Thank you.
A little about my smoking past............
.Cigarettes were always apart of my life, My entire family smoked in the house, in the car and never seemed concerned about the health effects that we would all be suffering from in time, it was normal and acceptable. I remember playing outside when I was about 5 years old watching a car cruse down the road and flick a cigarette out the window, I scurried into the street picked up that nasty .... and stuck it in my mouth. Oh did I feel grown up and cool. Yes, cool was important to me even then. At this time I was also my mothers little cigarette buyer. She would send me to the market with a note to buy her daily pack. I felt good doing this, I was her buddy and partner..
.Fast forward 7 years, at 12 life became difficult. Home and family became a place I could no longer stay. I moved to my first group home. Not a nice place at all but all the children there smoked too. So I quickly joined the smoking circle, it became ritual and being a pack of cigs only cost about .35 cents we were all allowed to smoke..By the time I was 13 I was fully committed in destroying my life, health and chain smoked always. How sad a thing now that I look back. I never tried to quit, cigarettes were always paid for and most workers of these group homes and foster homes smoked too. They used cigarettes as a way to gain control over us kids. If we did our chores and didn't cause any problems for them they happily bought our smokes..
.Well my smoking continued through the years and when I hit 20 years old I developed a chronic cough. After a year of Dr visits and testing I was diagnosed with a very serious lung disease and my prognosis was bad. Doctors weren't sure if I would even reach the age of 25. I lost all hope then, I believed I was dying quickly, I was scared, depressed and most of all I was ashamed for what I did to myself. I said screw it why bother quitting now, my life has already ended.....And I shamefully smoked..
.At this time my beautiful, wonderful, loving Grandmother quit smoking to show me it could be done but I didn't care. 2 years later she was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer. It had already metastasized to nearly all of her other organs. I remember holding her small frail hand with tears in her eyes as she pleaded with me to stop smoking and I felt terrible, I saw how much pain she was in and I felt disgusted with myself...I promised her I would quit and took my smoking underground .for her remaining days. I felt like a monster, I hated myself..
.2 months later in her bedroom the pain was too much for her, bed sores infested her body and no amounts of gentle care and love could make these go away, she could no longer eat because thrush coated her mouth and throat. I would beg and plead just to get her to take a little water. .I remember how small she was, how thin her skin had become and how it stretched over her bones. You could see everything. Her lips were an unnatural grey blue as she struggled to catch each breath as her lungs slowly filled with fluid. I remember the day she pleaded with me for more morphine and the doctors and I discussed what this would mean. It was her time, though I thought losing her would be my end too. I held her had as she took her last breath..
.Remembering this kills me still and I can't help but cry.....I will never forget her suffering and pain. This is what smoking looks like. This is what it's like to lose someone you love more than your own life. This is how cigarettes affected me..And yet full of shame I continued to smoke....
.Well the years came and went and I didn't die, it was a miracle though my health did continue to deteriorate and I couldn't always keep up with my friends. I was always limited by my smoking. (The doctors had miss diagnosed me)
A year ago December 26th 2 am 2010 I.was surfing the internet. Depressed and scared at the heart palpitations I always seem to get after smoking, and even more frightened by my breathing, chest pains and chronic hack I never could get rid of. I had tried the last few years to quit but never succeeded for more than a month or 2 at a time. I tried all the methods, patches, anti depressants, lozenges, and worst of all Chantix.
.When a Green Smoke pop up invaded my computer. I checked it out, watched a gazillion YouTube reviews on how great it was. I was SOLD!!!! I bought my kit and told everyone who would listen I was quitting. (FOR REAL) My postal stocking began the very next day..
.On Monday January 3rd my kit arrived. I was excited and full of hope. Believe it or not it worked. I smoked one cigarette each day till the 6th when I said screw it an threw out my last 12 cigs. Of course it wasn't a great kit but with more research I found this forum, I went out and bought an overpriced Riva kit. I haven't looked back since.
.Now when I need them most words are failing me. I can't accurately express the depth of gratitude I feel at being a part of this great community and what everyone here has contributed and taught me...Most importantly, have given me the support I needed to succeed..
I WAS a 1 to 2 ppd smoker for 27 years. I will NEVER smoke again.
Thank you, each and every one of you, who has taken the time to post welcomes to the Noobs, give advice and heartfelt support. For all the moderators who work tirelessly keeping this forum running. And all the wonderful people who have made it their life's passion to educate and keep ecigs available to us all..
Thank you.
Have a great day!
