... because you can't say what it is, only what it's like.
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It's hard not to sing to yourself when you're vaping things called "Vacation," "Malibu," and "Afternoon Delight." What follows is a review of these flavors, and why the song that comes to mind is not the right one, and to suggest the right song.
Pina Colada-flavored vapes tend to be suggested when one is longing for the beach, in the sense of "laying out." For better or worse I had the pleasure of living in St. Pete Beach for a couple of years, one of those years on a sailboat. St. Pete Beach is kind of a drunk, depressed place, which suited me perfectly. The places I hung out are, for the most part, gone. But the bar at the Beachcomber is a modern-day equivalent. It is a clean, well-lit place to be sure. There's live music, and girls in bikinis. But it has an edge. There's a constant rumble of Harley's pulling in and out of the parking lot. Lots of tattoos. They sell as much Old Mil in the can as they do Pina Coladas.
So as I consider summertime vapes, I'm thinking about something I can puff on there, rubbing elbows with German tourists and spike-haired college girls and stoic Road Kings. Something not too cheerful.
All were steeped for at least a week, and all needed it. These were dripped on a debridged Cisco Spec 2ohm atomizer regulated at 6 watts (4.2 volts for you Vario guys; I figure low voltage is good for this kind of vape)
1. "Afternoon Delight." mount baker
6mg nic. Thick, yellow fluid
50/50 pg
The Starland Vocal Band won a grammy for their 1976 hit of the same name. I didn't like the song much then, although I suppose you should actually try sex before passing judgement on something like this. I hadn't met any actual hippies at that time, and I have since, and have grown to appreciate them even more for their relative rarity these days (not counting the "trusta-farians" you see crawling all over Jackson Hole. I'm talking about real, Taos-style artistic hippies.) But I still can't stand the song.
I rather suspect there are hippies at Mount Baker, and my limited experience with that vendor so far suggests they are earnest and sweet and pure, and that is reflected in their liquids. "Afternoon Delight" has a perfumy smell right out of the package -- all their liquids are made fresh upon order -- and a couple of days of steeping with the cap off is necessary to take the edge off this. Up front there is a fruity, but not sugary sweetness. There is the tiniest hint of tartness in the pineapple, and the coconut is subtle and rich. There is more than a little menthol in the finish.
Comments:
1. I try to think about Jimmy Buffett's "Biloxi" when I vape this. But even I will admit "Afternoon Delight" is probably best.
2. I couldn't vape this at the Beachcomber, because people would blow me off, and I would get frustrated, and would have to ride my bicycle down to the causeway and wiggle my toes in the bay, and hope a shark didn't come along.
2. "Malibu." Halo
12mg nic. Thin, pink fluid
? pg/vg
I keep thinking about the Trouble Child, breaking like the waves on Malibu. Rolling Stone said Joni Mitchell's iconic album "Court and Spark" was "surprisingly light."
I could say the same about this enigmatic vape. It is hard to even go so far as to call this a "sweet"; this is an adult vape with a very muted fruit flavor. There's a spiciness to it (perhaps I'm tasting the nicotine?) and a menthol .....-slap. I can't say the components merge into a harmonious whole. There's a spunky in-your-faceness that even your friendly Harley driver would have to stop and think about. Not that he would vape something this pretty and pink. Maybe if he put it in an opaque tank? The throat hit would make him cry, and you would do well to pretend you didn't see that.
Comments:
1. Perhaps I should be thinking about Hole's "Malibu."
2. I would totally vape this at the Beachcomber, and could hold my head high as the only CBR rider in the joint.
3. "Vacation." Fuzion.
6mg nic. Dark, viscous yellow fluid that turns amber with steeping
? pg/vg
The name of this liquid, like the Go-Go's song of the same name, brings to mind a Carlos and Charlie's style beachy drinky afternoon. Instead, we find a heavy, brooding fluid that presents with layers and layers of complexity. Sure, it's sweet. The fruit flavors are bold and upfront, with the day-glo, looney-tunes "pop" so characteristic of Fuzion's fruit flavors. There's a mintiness in the exhale, which doesn't seem precisely like menthol to me, and maybe isn't. And there's an intriguing aromatic component. If this were a Pina Colada, it would be one with a dark rum topper on it. There are grim warnings by reviewers on the Fuzion website that the valerian content has its effect. Perhaps we shouldn't drive while vaping this. Everytime I vape "Vacation" I get something else out of it. Next time I order this, it will be without nicotine, because this vape and the nic content are two completely unrelated things, and I hate to stop just because my blood level is where it needs to be.
Comments:
1. Southern Cross, by CSN
2. I would vape this at the Beachcomber, but I wouldn't talk to anyone, and after a while I would get on my Triumph and ride through the lengthening afternoon shadows to Woody's, and I would sit outside and watch the tide go out Blind Pass, and think about how different things would be, if things had been... well, different.
Which is surprisingly close to what it was like when I smoked analogues at the beach, and why.
Verdict: "Afternoon Delight" loses, because it really is a light, summertime vape. Just kidding! All three of these vapes are great.
I like "Vacation" because I don't like the beach, and I don't like light, summery vapes. I do not now, nor have I ever aspired to be the guy in the Corona commerical. If you do, call Mount Baker immediately because "Afternoon Delight" is your vape. The fact that it is ridiculously inexpensive is a bonus almost too minor to mention. If you don't go for kid stuff, and you need your fix, it's hard to fault "Malibu." The fact that it's expensive is... well, you get the idea.
There you go. I gave you the bar, the soundtrack, and the vape. Skip the alcohol, and try to keep at least one tire on the pavement at all times.
----------------
It's hard not to sing to yourself when you're vaping things called "Vacation," "Malibu," and "Afternoon Delight." What follows is a review of these flavors, and why the song that comes to mind is not the right one, and to suggest the right song.
Pina Colada-flavored vapes tend to be suggested when one is longing for the beach, in the sense of "laying out." For better or worse I had the pleasure of living in St. Pete Beach for a couple of years, one of those years on a sailboat. St. Pete Beach is kind of a drunk, depressed place, which suited me perfectly. The places I hung out are, for the most part, gone. But the bar at the Beachcomber is a modern-day equivalent. It is a clean, well-lit place to be sure. There's live music, and girls in bikinis. But it has an edge. There's a constant rumble of Harley's pulling in and out of the parking lot. Lots of tattoos. They sell as much Old Mil in the can as they do Pina Coladas.
So as I consider summertime vapes, I'm thinking about something I can puff on there, rubbing elbows with German tourists and spike-haired college girls and stoic Road Kings. Something not too cheerful.
All were steeped for at least a week, and all needed it. These were dripped on a debridged Cisco Spec 2ohm atomizer regulated at 6 watts (4.2 volts for you Vario guys; I figure low voltage is good for this kind of vape)
1. "Afternoon Delight." mount baker
6mg nic. Thick, yellow fluid
50/50 pg
The Starland Vocal Band won a grammy for their 1976 hit of the same name. I didn't like the song much then, although I suppose you should actually try sex before passing judgement on something like this. I hadn't met any actual hippies at that time, and I have since, and have grown to appreciate them even more for their relative rarity these days (not counting the "trusta-farians" you see crawling all over Jackson Hole. I'm talking about real, Taos-style artistic hippies.) But I still can't stand the song.
I rather suspect there are hippies at Mount Baker, and my limited experience with that vendor so far suggests they are earnest and sweet and pure, and that is reflected in their liquids. "Afternoon Delight" has a perfumy smell right out of the package -- all their liquids are made fresh upon order -- and a couple of days of steeping with the cap off is necessary to take the edge off this. Up front there is a fruity, but not sugary sweetness. There is the tiniest hint of tartness in the pineapple, and the coconut is subtle and rich. There is more than a little menthol in the finish.
Comments:
1. I try to think about Jimmy Buffett's "Biloxi" when I vape this. But even I will admit "Afternoon Delight" is probably best.
2. I couldn't vape this at the Beachcomber, because people would blow me off, and I would get frustrated, and would have to ride my bicycle down to the causeway and wiggle my toes in the bay, and hope a shark didn't come along.
2. "Malibu." Halo
12mg nic. Thin, pink fluid
? pg/vg
I keep thinking about the Trouble Child, breaking like the waves on Malibu. Rolling Stone said Joni Mitchell's iconic album "Court and Spark" was "surprisingly light."
I could say the same about this enigmatic vape. It is hard to even go so far as to call this a "sweet"; this is an adult vape with a very muted fruit flavor. There's a spiciness to it (perhaps I'm tasting the nicotine?) and a menthol .....-slap. I can't say the components merge into a harmonious whole. There's a spunky in-your-faceness that even your friendly Harley driver would have to stop and think about. Not that he would vape something this pretty and pink. Maybe if he put it in an opaque tank? The throat hit would make him cry, and you would do well to pretend you didn't see that.
Comments:
1. Perhaps I should be thinking about Hole's "Malibu."
2. I would totally vape this at the Beachcomber, and could hold my head high as the only CBR rider in the joint.
3. "Vacation." Fuzion.
6mg nic. Dark, viscous yellow fluid that turns amber with steeping
? pg/vg
The name of this liquid, like the Go-Go's song of the same name, brings to mind a Carlos and Charlie's style beachy drinky afternoon. Instead, we find a heavy, brooding fluid that presents with layers and layers of complexity. Sure, it's sweet. The fruit flavors are bold and upfront, with the day-glo, looney-tunes "pop" so characteristic of Fuzion's fruit flavors. There's a mintiness in the exhale, which doesn't seem precisely like menthol to me, and maybe isn't. And there's an intriguing aromatic component. If this were a Pina Colada, it would be one with a dark rum topper on it. There are grim warnings by reviewers on the Fuzion website that the valerian content has its effect. Perhaps we shouldn't drive while vaping this. Everytime I vape "Vacation" I get something else out of it. Next time I order this, it will be without nicotine, because this vape and the nic content are two completely unrelated things, and I hate to stop just because my blood level is where it needs to be.
Comments:
1. Southern Cross, by CSN
2. I would vape this at the Beachcomber, but I wouldn't talk to anyone, and after a while I would get on my Triumph and ride through the lengthening afternoon shadows to Woody's, and I would sit outside and watch the tide go out Blind Pass, and think about how different things would be, if things had been... well, different.
Which is surprisingly close to what it was like when I smoked analogues at the beach, and why.
Verdict: "Afternoon Delight" loses, because it really is a light, summertime vape. Just kidding! All three of these vapes are great.
I like "Vacation" because I don't like the beach, and I don't like light, summery vapes. I do not now, nor have I ever aspired to be the guy in the Corona commerical. If you do, call Mount Baker immediately because "Afternoon Delight" is your vape. The fact that it is ridiculously inexpensive is a bonus almost too minor to mention. If you don't go for kid stuff, and you need your fix, it's hard to fault "Malibu." The fact that it's expensive is... well, you get the idea.
There you go. I gave you the bar, the soundtrack, and the vape. Skip the alcohol, and try to keep at least one tire on the pavement at all times.
