Okay: I am going to note, when I clean I do not use gloves. Ever. This is not because I consider myself "hard core" or better than the cleansers and anything like that, it's actually because when you use gloves, you can't "feel" the dirt and everything like that, which is really.... You have to feel it. I am also not really scared of dirt. Usually.
Now, I want you to forget that fact, as I am trying to do, although it will be a miracle if I do not wind up with giardia or something worse.
So, our house does NOT look l like our house even slightly except for the one bathroom that somehow escaped more or less unscathed, although it now looks like the "Terrible" bathroom, it is the BAD one because the master bathroom is all remodeled. Which is really better, that one happened.
So what goes down with contractors is, at first you are all like, "How lovely it all looks" only when you get all personal with it, really everything is also COVERED with fine sheen of patina of dirt/worse than dirt. They don't wash their hands. Also, when you remodel on a budget you get things like "Husband's bathroom vanity (because it mostly survived) now mysteriously covered in glue, and the original toilet which is NOT cool at all because it stands out INTENSELY and you are like, "Doood….. why did they not replace the toilet? I mean it just stands out like a SORE THUMB." Anyway I arrived and the husband was painting the house, the front, and trust me he did far more labor (well maybe not, probably but most importantly he did it OUTSIDE and that sucks. It was like 107.) There was much lamenting because something went wrong with the paint .and the sprayer was spraying unevenly. I told him when it dried it would be fine but he still hand painted all the bits he thought were bad.
So I immediately inspected everything and went into house cleaning mode extraordinare. If I ever had another kid, well, that is what I would do because I am awesome at it. I am extra awesome when dealing with "new'" Fd up houses, because I KNOW contractors, how intimately I know them. I told the husband to give me his "Razor blade tool" and got all the glue off the counter tops without ruining them. This is why you need to "feel" the dirt, like razor blade tool sometimes needed to gently skid, or like, just scrape, hard.
I cleaned the bathtub and that was easy. The contractors did not put the mirror back up for the sinks, after breaking two other ones. Jerks. Anyway it was time to TURN to the toilet.
Oh I looked despairingly at and also asked the husband like, if he was going to replace the "sit on" part, and he said yes, so I knew what I had to do. I gave some cleanser a shot. The got rid of SOME poop, I mean a reasonable amount but the dang toilet had ALL those mineral deposits and it just was WRONG I was like, "I have to get this GONE etc." I thought about what tools and cleaners I had AVAILABLE to me, and I knew there was only one way forward. I mean even bleach won't get those deposits up. So, I took a deep breath, and grabbed my razor blade tool and plunged it INTO the toilet. I kept saying, "Anna this was YOUR toilet and also, you have cleaned it enough that it's only your mind." It didn't matter much but I Tried Hard to Think It. Anyway, like that razor blade deal is my new favorite tool. It scraped off ALL mineral deposits, including the ones that like run DOWN from the side. Perhaps some of you with terrible water may know what I mean. They also freaking BOLTED it to the floor, without doing it correctly and there was all this visible rust, which I was ALSO able to remove. I was shocked I could, honestly but by the time I had FINISHED I had a toilet (if you forget the seat) that looked BRAND new. IT seriously did. The husband would up having to agree I was a better cleaner than he. In fact he was like "How did you do that?" After I cut myself IN the toilet, on my pinky and it just wouldn't stop bleeding even with pressure so I had to get him for band aids. I made him look, and he was cranky at first, then had to admit my usefulness. I told him "Sheer willpower." It kind of was. I mean.... I just looked at it and was like, "Yeah, we can't be HAVING that." I just experimented until I was able to "make it so."
It really was not great for me, but now our "new' master bathroom actually looked new. I mean, I cleaned the seat anyway, because I am well aware of the husband's unpredictable way of just SAYING "Goodbye house" when a few things like oh, emptying out the refrigerator and making sure all trash is gone is like IMPORTANT. Which is why I will be traveling with him to the house now, every time, to make sure he does not DO that. We have a REASONABLE shot at making some dough on this sucker, if we just FINISH etc.
Then, I smoked a cigarette. It was more I was trying to chill the husband out for a bit but also, I felt I deserved it after the toilet, I really did. It was a pall mall. It had a filter. I thought that brand was all unfiltered. It's not. It tasted awesome and I don't regret it. Because it probably saved me from some toilet borne pathogenic disease.
SO I expected the toilet in the OTHER bathroom to be easier. It was OFFICIALLY not. This is because this is the toilet the contractors used. Seriously, had I known the way contractors like, manage to express their passive aggressive hate for you via one of your bathrooms, well, I would have demanded a porta potty. I asked the husband if this was so, and he said, "OMG yeah, it is completely that way it was so disgusting I had to clean it." I was like, incredulously "YOU CLEANED IT ALREADY?" I started cataloging the poop on the floor NEXT to the toilet and how it had SPATTERED against the wainscoting he had put in there, etc. and how I was having trouble and going "My kid and husband used this bathroom" only I KNEW they would never perpetrate the horrors there. The husband had not looked closely in the cleaning arena as I did, because he was more focused on other stuff. He was like, "THEY KILLED my wall?" I was like "RELAX honey I got everything off." So the poop everywhere like on the nice wooden vanity and floor and all was easy to remove. I mean, really. The toilet was a lot more difficult because I guess every porcelain is different and this one really wanted to scratch. So I had to be masterfully um, careful thinking the whole time "I am never doing this again."
It's not true it appears to be my destiny to ALWAYS be moving but I am very sick of it and I don't want to do it ever again. I am going to have to, I bet, at least once. Anyway, so then I went after the bathtub which was also foul. My razor blade had gotten blunt, or I would have gotten the purple pain that has been there forever but before I go down next time I am buying a ton more bleach and 100 more razor blades and I will finish it. Because right now, it's not complete but I was like, "I can't do it. Not with what I have." I told the husband my recommendation was for a brand new "anti slip" covering that you can get, with the empty vinyl package next to it, as in, "Look we have lovingly cared for you by purchasing an anti slip covering." I told the husband the dumb people would fall for it, and the smart ones would be, like "Cheaters." I also told him I could manage substantial improvement and not that DAY. He does not believe me about the purple paint but boy am I ever gonna show HIM.
Then, I lay on the carpeted (it is surprisingly nice carpet) living room floor and whatever for a bit. I washed a few windows and attacked several of the old appliances. We HAD to get new ones for some because they had yellowed completely and were not looking great. NOW the new ones look GREAT (after removing the patina of contractor dirt/poop) compared to the old ones. I spent a LONG time on the stove for example and I am not even done. But by then it was 4 pm and it felt like the longest day on earth, longer than this post even, and well, I am now no longer afraid of ANY toilet. None. I can beat them, and I can vanquish them.
So we came back to Douglas and the husband was not that impressed at first with my awesome work. Probably because he had seen my toilets (although the ones here are fine) but as he woke up this morning he was more impressed with all my organization and cleaning. Which is quite lucky for him, frankly. As I told him, "I cleaned.... and then I cleaned HARDER."
But, I will have to go back with the husband we both will probably. There is no one you can hire who cleans like I do and I have a feeling the contractors will not want to do our front steps which the husband will have to do. I feel bad for him but facts are facts, there need to be stairs that don't stop the 1200 security gate door from hitting the railing.
I can clean it all.
My empire of dirt.
LOL
Anna