Sagewood Glass CONTEST! Win a fine handblown glass drip tip & carto tank!!!

[misterkai]

Hi everybody! At long last, here's a chance to win some great handblown glass PV accessories from Sagewood Glass!
This is a two prize contest for one glass drip tip and one glass drip tip / carto tank combo. Photos below.

Here are the rules:

- We want to laugh! Each entry must contain a joke, no more than a few lines long and of course appropriate for the ECF.

- There is a two entry limit per person. Please note in your entries whether it is your first or second post.

- The contest will have a 200 entry cap. When 200 entries are reached, two winning post numbers will be picked using random.org

- The first number drawn wins the drip tip / carto tank combo and the second wins the drip tip.

- One person cannot win both prizes.


Thanks for participating!


Edit: Remember that you can always contact us to get on our mailing list and to view our albums of available items by dropping us a line at sagewoodglass@gmail.com

2nd edit: Here's a video about how to assemble and use our carto tanks.

 

[Faceless]

so a blonde walks into a library and says "I need to see the doctor!"
the librarian says "I'm sorry, this is a library"
Blonde whispers "I'm sorry, I need to see the doctor"

Thats all I got without getting banned

 

[Ratman]

Post #1

A diehard golfer has not missed his Saturday morning teetime in over 20 years. He gets up one early Saturday morning and looks out the window.
Still dark out, howling winds, rain and hail, a garbage can blows across the street.
He dutifully gets dressed and gets in the car.
He drives to the course, dreading the morning ahead.
He finally says, "Screw it, not today." and heads home.
He gets back in to bed and spoons up to his wife.
"Man, it is miserable out there." he says to his wife.
"Can you believe my idiot husband is out there golfing in this?" is her reply.

 

[Ratman]

Post #2

A Priest was an avid sports fan, and his greatest passion was golf.

The Bishop one day appointed the priest to his perfect assignment, his new parish church bordered on a golf course. The Bishop had one rule for the priest, he could never play on Sunday morning. Over the years the priest felt so sad he couldn't play on so many nice sunny days.

One beautiful Sunday morning the priest had just finished his first Mass, and he had about 45 minutes before the next service. He looked out the back of the church and saw the course was empty, and temptation overwhelmed him. He got his clubs out of his office and headed down to the 6th hole, a 220 yard Par 3. He got his driver out, and hit the shot of his life. The drive hit the pin on the fly and dropped straight into the cup for his first ace. The priest had never been so happy in his life. He looked at the church clock tower and he still had 30 minutes before the next Mass. He went ot the next tee.

Hole number 7 was a 375 yard Par 4. He was so pumped up he totally crushed the ball off the tee. The green was out of sight of the tee, so he walked as fast he could down the fairway, and he couldn't find his ball. He kept walking to the green, and for some reason he had the urge to look in the cup. And somehow he had driven the green and the ball rolled in for another ace! The priest was delirious with joy. What a day! The church was full, Mass was wonderful, and he aced two holes in a row without being seen.

He had 15 minutes left, and hole #8 was a brutal 560 yard par 5 with a forced carry in front of the green. The priest hit another drive, and it kept going on, and on, then somehow it jumped over the water hazard and rolled right into the cup. "Three aces in a row! The Priest was happier than he'd ever been in his life.

Up in Heaven, St. Peter had noticed the Lord taking an interest in one of his sons, and he watched as the Priest holed out on the par four then the par five. He turned to God and said, "Lord, Father Joe is not allowed to play golf on Sundays, but You allowed him to ace three holes in a row. What will happen to him now? Why did you allow him to play and ace all those holes?

God turned to St. Peter with a smile and said "Who is he going to tell about it?"

 

[weinner]

Post#1


I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music..After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,.and noticed that everybody was staring at me.....Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

 

[harleydiva]

A blonde is stopped by a blond police officer.
When asked for her drivers license, she looks and looks and can't find. She asks the officer what it looks like, and is told is it is small, square, and has your picture on it. The blonde pulls a square mirror out of her purse, sees her face, and hands it to the police officer. The blonde officer looks at the mirror, and gives it back, saying...."Sorry, you can go now, I didn't realize you were a police officer"/

 

[aggo]

My first joke:

A duck walks into a store, the clerk greets him and asks if there is anything that he can help him with. The duck blirts out "Cooooooorn!" in a loud whiny voice. The clerks tells the duck that he is very sorry but they do not have any corn. The duck storms out of the store

The next day the duck walks into the same store and once again the clerk greets him. The duck juts out his beak and blirts out "Cooooooorn!". The clerk is a little bemused by this and tells the duck that they do not have any corn. The duck stomps away.

On the next day the duck walks in and is not greeted by the clerk rather the clerk angrily states "Look mister, I have told you twice that we do not have any corn. If you come in here and ask for corn I will nail your beak to the wall. What do you need?" the duck replies with "Naaaaaiiiils" The clerk is relieved but states "I'm sorry sir we do not have any nails. Anything else?" The duck shouts "Cooooooorn!"

 

[weinner]

Post#2

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking.".Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"."Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."."No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

Ps: awesome contest and the three drip tips we recieved from you we absolutely LOVE.

good luck everybody!

 

[aggo]

Prize-winning joke #2

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank.

Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5000?"

The blonde replied, "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41?"

 

[Muldemar]

A Cat Heaven
One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to Heaven. There he meets the
Lord himself. The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life and if there is any
way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know."
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor
family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stops the cat and
says, "Say no more," and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears

A few days later six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to Heaven.
Again the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer, "All
of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even
women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you
think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?" The Lord
says, "Say no more," and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.
About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him in a deep sleep
on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since
you arrived?"
The cat stretches and yawns and replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could
have ever expected. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending by are
theeeeeeee best!!!"

 

[grruss]

First entry:

Want to know how to make God laugh?




Tell him your plans!

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk 2

 

[grruss]

Second entry:

What goes in hard and pink, and comes out soft and sticky?





Bubble gum!

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk 2

 

[DukeBlue]

1st entry
Stumpy and Martha
Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the State Fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." This one year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance." Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. 'll take you both up for a ride, and if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you. But if you say one word it's ten dollars! " Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

They land and the pilot turns to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but like Martha always said, ten dollars is ten dollars."

 

[DukeBlue]

2nd entry

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

 

[Drottwiler]

#1
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

 

[evilferret]

#1

An atom says to the other, "I've lost my electron"

The other asks, "Are you sure?"

The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

Eh, sue me I'm horrible at jokes.

 

[evilferret]

#2

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Sorry for my awful jokes and good luck to everybody!

 

[Fisty]

1st: Two peanuts were walking down the street... and one was assaulted (a salted).

 

[sportfury]

#1

An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.

 

[aguitarjam]

Entry 1

As quoted by my daughter

Daughter "Knock Knock"
Me "Whose there?"
Daughter "Banana Bunch"
Me "Banana Bunch Who?"
Dauther "LOL"

Me "?"