ClownFish1, thanks for your advice but we really don't have other issues to work out in our relationship - smoking is the only issue I need to work on and you are right in that I may need counseling to handle to stress of quitting smoking, though it is going really well so far. It's been almost 6 full days since my last cigarette and I can definitely see the light at the end of the tunnel.
We are newlyweds - my husband is a sweet and loving man and and we are in love. The reason I'm afraid to tell him about my past smoking - it feels good to say that it is past smoking by the way
- is because I knew going into the relationship that he had no tolerance whatsoever for smoking. He is a flexible and easy going man otherwise, but when it comes to smoking, which has taken many loved ones from him, it was a very set in stone subject. I promised him I'd quit smoking, and I did quit for a short while cold turkey but I caved in the end and went back to smoking. Normally when we have a disagreement on any other lifestyle issue, I stand firm on my beliefs and stand up for myself, but this is one subject where he was absolutely right! I did have to quit or else I was really damaging my body, deteriorating my quality of life and shortening it at the same time. So I had no basis to defend my smoking to him because I knew quitting was the right thing to do. I never planned to be a secret smoker when I told him I was quitting, so I had no intention to create this "scheme" of smoking behind his back and be this awful person that hides things from her husband. I contemplated quitting with every cigarette I had and every time I thought about quitting, I had a cigarette. I guess what I'm trying to explain is everybody is different, and having a smoking spouse might be unpleasant to some people, but for my husband it is a nonnegotiable and completely unacceptable thing, and it is one subject where we can't see eye to eye. despite his lack of understanding towards smoking, I love him very much and we all have our shortcomings. I don't want to risk our marriage for something I believe I have now left in the past (only 6 days in the past, but that's still a major accomplishment for me). Thank you all for your advice, support and comments about how to proceed with my relationship, but I would really like to focus on remaining smoke-free right now which is the most important thing for me. I QUIT and I can't believe I DID it and I don't feel like a failure anymore, even though the only person who knows that I quit is me (other than you my dear friends on ECF). Thank you again for all your help and support - I don't know if I could have done it without you guys.
I will keep you posted as to how my trip goes to Altsmoke and Smokeless Image today - they're about 40 mins away from me, so it's not a too far drive. I'm excited!!!
