So, my Dad died Monday...

[ambeck22]

And I was banned from the viewing and the funeral by his wife. It's pretty much an evil stepmother thing and everyone who knows me is upset. I was left out of the obituary, too, and I know those weren't Daddy's wishes because I saw him late June and hugged and cried on him at my aunt's funeral and asked if I could come visit, to which he replied yes. He got sick after that, or at least diagnosed with extensive cancer that was inoperable and resistant to chemotherapy. I'd stayed away for 11 years because of his wife and her hatred for me, but I made the decision to approach him at my aunt's funeral, and now I'm glad I did because that's the last time he held me.

I want to scream and break things and cry my eyes out, but I can't. My mom and boyfriend are afraid I'm going to break and I don't want to stress Mom out more than she is. My older brother is heartbroken and needs me to know Daddy loved me and it wasn't his doing. He said I was lucky to not have seen him dying because he just wasn't Dad for the last couple of months.

So, how do I get over this? I was a Daddy's Girl before he remarried and he would never stand up to her (she is SCARY, looking and sounding) after. I'm torn up, and I have to tell everyone I'm okay or they get worried or tell Mom and she worries. My boyfriend just says "I love you" every single minute I cry and looks at me with pain and pity. I've been writing, and I'm going to print out my own obituary with my name in it and have a memorial service here to seek closure, but if that doesn't work? I've never done anything to Daddy or his wife except exist. I tried multiple times to have a relationship with her for Dad's sake, but she truly hates me for some reason. I'm still raw and don't know what to do. He was only 55.

 

[Pissy]

I'm so sorry for your loss and for the pain that your stepmother has inflicted upon you. We're always here for support and prayers!

 

[Fudgey]

I am sorry for your loss ((((((hugs)))))) Wish you would have been able to enjoy more time with your dad. My daughter has the same thing with her step mom so I know how bad it can be, just easier to stay away

Maybe you should let everyone know you are not okay right now, but you will be in time.

You can scream and cry and vent here anytime you want too!!

 

[ambeck22]

Thank you, Pissy and Fudgey. Yes, Fudgey, it was easier to stay away. The woman is a nightmare, and I'm not alone in thinking this. She made visits VERY unpleasant, and it just got to the point that I stopped going there and would stay updated through my brother. Daddy would ask about me and even wanted to see a picture of my boyfriend (he eventually met him), and I would always ask my brother about my dad. I truly, truly hope your daughter's step-mom isn't nearly as hateful and vindicating as mine. If she is, have your daughter to hit me up when/if she's old enough and we can commiserate . Everyone is just so stinking heartbroken and it makes me feel responsible, which I know is irrational. Just a hard time and I really don't know where to turn for advice.

 

[Catmom]

Ambeck, I'm so, so sorry. I think writing your own version of his obituary is an excellent idea. Your stepmother's behavior will come back to haunt her some day.

 

[classwife]

Awww Ambeck, I am so sorry ((hug)).
I hope writing that does help you.

 

[Jfresh859]

Man, that's awful!
I really hope things get at least alittle better.
That really sucks....

 

[TinyTimberGal]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can relate to your situation, as my mother died when I was 6 and my dad remarried 6 months later to an evil, bitter woman. I came to terms with it (many years later) by accepting that my dad had a choice to make, and he chose her, not because he didn't love me enough, but because he was lonely and she fulfilled a part of his life I could not. Warm hugs for you Ambeck.

 

[RosaJ]

I'm so sorry for your loss! You're going through the process of grieving right now compounded by the strained relationship with your stepmother. In the end, remember it was not your father's decision to keep you away from him during his last days, it was your stepmother. She's the perpetrator of the pain you and your dad suffered, but then leave it at that. It sounds like you're blessed beyond blessings because you have your mother who is silently and lovingly there for you during this painful time. Not least your boyfriend who has no problem telling you "I love you" whenever you cry. Rejoice in their love and give thanks on this Thanksgiving Day that you have such a treasure.

 

[CES]

I'm so sorry for your loss Ambeck. ((((Hugs)))))

Having your own memorial may be really helpful, so that you do have the chance to say a formal goodbye. You're not responsible for other's feelings, and you're allowed to have your own feelings of loss, and hurt. I'm glad your boyfriend is there to support you and hope that you and your family can support each other while you grieve.

 

[PatriciafromCO]

am so sorry for you loss and how you have been treated.. Sending good thoughts to you...