I understand everything you are saying. Goes back to other things I learned. My dad taught me, "it takes 21 days to make a habit, and it takes 21 days to break a habit." A friend who is 2nd Amendment enthusiast shared a quote with me: "in crisis/stress/under adrenaline (can't remember exact quote, but remember the concept), we fall back to our lowest level of training" or something like that. Point being, as you said, the more second-nature/instinctual/muscle-memory something is, the more we fall back to it when our conscious thought is diminished. Under stress, you won't perfectly perform the self-defense technique you just learned, you are going to revert to something more further back, more practiced, more learned in the "deeper brain." I digress again, but I get your point.
Last night I did smoke three more at another habitual point. (I mentioned before in the evening on my walks, I tend to smoke more.) I didn't condemn myself, but kept the cigs in the back and picked up my mod.
Kind of all over the place this morning, so let me get to the real reason I am responding right now
The program works if you work it. And I will tell you why -
So this morning, still a bit groggy, but not like yesterday. Not really irritable. But wanting a cig. So I implement the thing AndriaD reminded me of ( IIRC, I think she mentioned it), I can have a cig later. So I says to myself, give yourself five/ten minutes, then go get a cig. Until then, hit the WTA.
Five/ten mins pass. Still want a cig. (Yes, I know it works better if you give yourself more than 5-10, but it's morning and I REALLY wanted one lol)
I go to the shed, grab three cigs.
The walk to the shed has woken me up a little bit more.
I set the cigs next to my mouse here at my desk.
Start re-reading ethelrealink's post, esp the "The groggy and irritable..." and "As a short haul truck..." paragraphs.
Think about what he is saying.
How much of this is just habit?
Still hitting WTA as I read this.
Decide not to smoke this morning. Get up, grab those three cigs I brought to my desk, take them back to the shed.
Come back to desk and keep hitting WTA.
I am not saying we won't have slips. I am not saying I will never have another slip. But I will say this. This thread does help.
And the program works if you work it.
OK, this is a bit disjointed since I chopped the quote up but I wanted to comment on it as its a rather meaningful recap of a "day-in-the-life".
The groggy and irritable thing makes a lot of sense to falling back to what's habit and comfortable. That is why the military (and many other areas of life) repeat thing the exact same way (for every repetition) even to exhaustion; so that the behavior becomes the one that is the *default* under every circumstance.
As a short haul truck driver (and veteran) we all learn very quickly that being a "zombie" that simply functions on instinct is a common occurrence. How many times have you driven somewhere and not remembered the "uneventful" things that happened along the way? We do the things that we repeat until they become instinctual because they are instinctual, unless we consciously modify the behavior that has become instinct. (Deep I know, but stay with it.)
As for the comments about "smoking because they were there", I did the same thing. Dropping down my number of cigarettes as much as I could, until I was just bumming one "here and there" from friends at work so that I "didn't have to buy a pack" and simply fooling myself along the way.
Now, FWIW, I did not simply quit... I had to fight for it, every day. And every day I still do. I know that I could simply buy a pack and smoke, but I choose not to for several reasons. I believe very strongly that everyone has to find their own reason to put down that last cigarette, and realize that those cigarettes may as well be ...... for most of us. Even one that I might smoke could suck me right back in.
As far as taking a week or two to review I absolutely agree, things in this "hobby" will change in the way they work for you overtime and should be evaluated with that in mind.
And just for the record, I vaped over 8 months before I laid down the cigarettes... and just now I finally hit 6 weeks smoke free, today.
Don't be afraid of the struggle, be afraid of just giving in and giving up. Embrace the suck.
