The Best Medicine

[Mary Kay]

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'

- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)​

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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'​

- Eleanor Roosevelt ​

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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.​

- Mark Twain​

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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.​

- George Burns​

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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.​

- Victor Borge​

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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.​

- Mark Twain​

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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.​

- Socrates​

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.​

- Groucho Marx​

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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.​

- Jimmy Durante​

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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.​

- Zsa Zsa Gabor​

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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.​

- Alex Levine​

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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.​

- Rodney Dangerfield​

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Money can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.​

- Spike Milligan​

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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it​

- W. C. Fields​

 

[Mary Kay]

[SIZE=+1]Cognitive Restructuring[/SIZE]
A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat. "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced.

Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.
"Strike One!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" He tossed the ball into the air.

When it came down he swung again and missed. "Strike Two!" he cried.
The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together.
He straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. "Strike Three!"

Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!"

 

[Mary Kay]

[SIZE=+1]FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT HMO'S[/SIZE]

Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Dr. Moe Howard*, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.

Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want? A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan. These doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.

Q. What are pre-existing conditions?
A. This is a term used by the grammatically challenged when they want to talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to be pre-stuck with it.

Q. Can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $10 co-payment, there is no harm giving him a shot at it.

Q. Will health care be any different in the next century?
A. No. But if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

 

[Kamanjah]

LOL about the FAQ! Well, if it wasn't so true, I'd be LOL....8-o

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[Mary Kay]

 

[Kate51]

I have some rather good news. A week or so ago, I started cutting my usual 24mg/ml juice by 25%, or down to 18mg/ml, with plain VG. Today I did another Nymox test, NicAlert saliva test to see what my Cotinine level was, and it was DOWN, from 200-500 ng/ml to 100-200 ng/ml!!! I am so happy, that is 1/2 the level of the Ruyan Tests!! (Cotinine is the plasma by-product of Nicotine absorbtion in the system.) Compare that to a level of 4000 or more ng/ml it would have been had I still been smoking tobacco. A huge milestone for me. Without even a whisper of withdrawal. Maybe an uptic in appetite, but that's it, I am used to fighting that! In 38 days another milestone, 6 months without a cigarette!
See post #107

http://www.e-cigarette-forum.com/fo...-test-nicotine-blood-levels-3.html#post454103

 

[Mary Kay]

Wow! That is down! I wonder what mine will be. I haven't been tested for about 2 months.

 

[Kate51]

You do a lot of zero, right...I should do that too, while sitting here especially..Will try to bring it down in a few weeks again, that was so painless it's almost scary!!
*Saw your post from earlier, so sorry for you all.

 

[Kate51]

Confused



I became confused when I heard the word "Service" used with these agencies:

Internal Revenue 'Service'
U.S.. Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
Cable TV 'Service'
Civil 'Service'
State, City, County & Public 'Service'
Customer 'Service'

This is not what I thought 'Service' meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows.
BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.

You are now as enlightened as I am.

 

[Mary Kay]

Loved that one!

 

[Mary Kay]

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:​

Men Are Just Happier People--​

What do you expect from such simple creatures?​

Your last name stays put.​

The garage is all yours.​

Wedding plans take care of themselves.​

Chocolate is just another snack..​

You can be President.​

You can never be pregnant.​

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.​

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.​

Car mechanics tell you the truth.​

The world is your urinal.​

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.​

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.​

Same work, more pay.​

Wrinkles add character.​

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.​

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.​

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.​

One mood all the time.​

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.​

You know stuff about tanks..​

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase..​

You can open all your own jars.​

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.​

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.​

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.​

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.​

You almost never have strap problems in public.​

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.​

Everything on your face stays its original color.​

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.​

You only have to shave your face and neck.​

You can play with toys all your life.​

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.​

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.​

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.​

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.​

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.​

No wonder men are happier.​

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