The Demon abides

[_Lee]

Just need to get this off my chest, so excuse the nonsensical ramblings of an addict.

I don't know what I was expecting this time. I actually wasn't, to be honest. I did not even plan to quit. I haven't had an analog since Sept 17th. I just kind of let vaping substitute my analogs until there were no more analogs. I can say that I have made it further than ever before, this time. For that, I thank the advice given me here on many things and the unwavering support of my wife and kids.

The persistence of my last Demon to slay is relentless. I have slain many of my Demons with success, but this last one is my nemesis. It is equally strong, if not stronger than I. I have upped my armor and I have bought new shields and swords trying to slay this last Demon. I have hacked and stabbed at it over and over, but it just will not die. I am tired from, and of, the fight.

Fear is what I have keeping me from analogs. The fear of smoking one, just to prove myself I don't really like it any longer, will be all it takes to topple this house of cards. Fear of going through all over again what I have to get this far. I am not ready to do that again. I am "that guy" when it comes to analogs. One is too many and twenty not enough. The battle I am fighting is mainly psychological right now. The things I miss are the things vaping cannot replicate. I miss the dry hit and the feel of the smoke. Nothing else is like it to me. I miss the feel of it in my hand and mouth, and of the exhale.

i guess since it had been easier than other times, the psychological warfare snuck up on me. I did not expect it. After over 25 years, I should not have expected the war to be ended overnight. Maybe all the reading and researching and chasing the perfect vape distracted me enough. Now that I have settled in, I need to do something else.

I can only take it one white-knuckled, humbling craving at a time. I hate this weakness I have and the control I give it. I hate the vulnerability; the ..... in the armor.

The fight continues.

just ignore me. I just needed to get this off my chest. I need to suck it up, power through and deal with it. Continue with your normal broadcast day.

 

[WillyZee]

I've seen this movie ... it ends well.

Cheers

 

[CreepyLady]

I've seen this movie ... it ends well.

Cheers

+1 on the above sentiment.

Maybe explore NETs, WTAs, DIY liquid or rebuilding (if you dont/havent already?)

I try to find new things once I get settled with all my existing. My newest feat is DIY liquid - so far so good and an excellent distraction when that damn cigarette demon comes around.

 

[NiNi]

Just hang in there! I know I've had my moments, even now, and I've been analog free since January 10th.
What I found that helped me was:
1. Go up on your nic mg.
2. Switch out your juice flavors. (Go on a "Sample Buying Binge") This is a good time for that with all the sales!
3. Check out different vape gear. Go to a Vape Shop or hit the threads on different delivery devices and take a chance......
4. Have your vape set up with you at all times.
5. Have back up for your backups for your backups.
6. If all else fails, come here and TALK about it!

Your taste buds are regenerating so your taste is going to change quite a bit in the next few months, and vape tongue will play hit and miss on you *DRINK LOTS OF WATER*. Check out juices in the desert, drink, fruit, etc., categories, no one says you have to stay with tobacco flavored juice, try something different!

Hard core Camel "Hump" and RYO smoker of 33 years......just keep doing what you're doing and adjust as you need to!

 

[donesmokin]

I tried a cigarette after vaping for two weeks. NO WAY could I go back to stinkies! That's after 38 years of smoking. YMMV.

 

[Iffy]

What nic level are ya at? What's your smokin' history?

As suggested, up your nic level. If that doesn't work, give WTAs a shot.

Good luck!

 

[alisa1970]

I won't tell you to smoke a cigarette because I don't know if it will topple your house of cards or not. But let me say this from experience:

You will think you want a cigarette. You will think that nothing, not even vaping, really does it quite like a cigarette. The feel and taste of the smoke is different, better.

It is not.

IF (a hypothetical here unless you're willing to risk it) you decide that nothing, no--nothing will do it for you this time except a cigarette, then you'll pull out the pack, slide one out with anticipation, pick up your lighter and smile as if you're seeing an old friend.

The drag feels good--then--what the HELL is that??? That nasty, putrid, chemical-laden flavor--is THIS what I remember?? NO!! Then on the exhale, a thought comes up. I don't think I took a big enough drag, because it doesn't feel like I inhaled anything!! OMG that taste is still there--hanging on my tongue tasting like a mix between burning rubber and hot glue...oh, this is really not what I expected, and I remember it well (or so I thought). Oh, this is gross...I need a drink of something, anything to get that taste out of my mouth...where's my vape at??


I have done this several times, and each time it's the same. What you think you want, is not what you want. You want a memory that never really was. You want what you think smoking gave to you, but doesn't. I speak the truth, this is what will happen. I'm not suggesting you try it. But keep what I say in mind if you do.

Best of luck with this demon. You may find it rearing its ugly head now and again, for me--I had to do it several times to realize this. I may still have to do it several times more, but I know that if I do, the less I will find that demon tapping on my shoulder and trying to tell me I miss it. I really don't anymore.

 

[_Lee]

I have tried upping NIC level, different power devices and delivery systems. I was down to a PAD towards the end. Either way, I have gotten further than with no devices. Cartos, cartotanks, clearomizers... All good in their own way. They are all better than the patch, a pill, disgusting gum or cold turkey for me.

To me, vaping is night and day from smoking. One is wet and one is dry. They both feel and taste night and day from each other. Sorry if my venting and rambling wasn't in the form of an essay or a term paper. It was on the fly while I was going through a tough time. Melodramatic? Sure, I will give you that. Did I feel better after getting it off my chest? I guess I did. Regardless, my struggle with nicotine is no less real for me. I thought that's what this place was for, like AA or something. My fault for putting it on a public forum. Live and learn.

 

[classwife]

I really feel for you having such a tough time !

The above suggestions are really good...to add to them, just try to think of vaping as simply changing brands.

 

[Robino1]

I have tried upping NIC level, different power devices and delivery systems. I was down to a PAD towards the end. Either way, I have gotten further than with no devices. Cartos, cartotanks, clearomizers... All good in their own way. They are all better than the patch, a pill, disgusting gum or cold turkey for me.

To me, vaping is night and day from smoking. One is wet and one is dry. They both feel and taste night and day from each other. Sorry if my venting and rambling wasn't in the form of an essay or a term paper. It was on the fly while I was going through a tough time. Melodramatic? Sure, I will give you that. Did I feel better after getting it off my chest? I guess I did. Regardless, my struggle with nicotine is no less real for me. I thought that's what this place was for, like AA or something. My fault for putting it on a public forum. Live and learn.

This is a support for you. It certainly is one for me! Look at all the positive responses
This forum has helped me even if those posting their stories know it or not.
Nicotine, or rather cigarettes, are tough buggers. They were with you through the good times and bad times. Everything in between too.

 

[bgmat58]

What is a WTA?

What nic level are ya at? What's your smokin' history?

As suggested, up your nic level. If that doesn't work, give WTAs a shot.

Good luck!

 

[daleron]

Just need to get this off my chest, so excuse the nonsensical ramblings of an addict.

just ignore me. I just needed to get this off my chest. I need to suck it up, power through and deal with it. Continue with your normal broadcast day.

We don't ignore people here!
If you keep having problems like this come here http://www.e-cigarette-forum.com/fo...dicted-smoking-habit-support-chat-thread.html for support and assistance We're friendly

 

[Huckleberried]

I'm super glad you posted! Reading this helped me out a ton. I had one of those days yesterday and the day before. I did white knuckle it. I'm glad I didn't smoke. The way you described everything is spot on. Please don't stop posting. This is the stuff that pulls us together. That's how support systems get built.

Thanks for sharing!

 

[alisa1970]

So true--we do all know how you're feeling...some of us have come out the other side. Most of us have smoked 20, 30 years or more. We know. It's not always easy like for some people on this frorum. Don't think of these posts as criticizing...you haven't smoked in 6 weeks...that's HUGE. But what you are remembering is also 6 weeks old, and our addiction likes to twist our memories into good ones so that we don't let go.

You CAN let it go. For me to let go, I have to smoke every once in a while to test my memories. It is nothing---NOTHING like I remember. And that's a good thing!

 

[LeftHandBlack]

Stay strong with the struggle! I smoked for 23 years and vaping totally works for me. June 1st was the last cigarette I had and I dont miss it at all. Im currently on 6 mg of nicotine and dont plan on going to 0 or stopping vape any time soon. Who knows maybe I sub stituted one for another but it is definately the lesser of the two evils. Stay in the 16-24mg nicotine range and vape as much as needed
until your cravings become less of a demon.

 

[cassandraschild]

Bgmat: wta whole tobacco alkaloids eliquid. If you do a search here im 99% sure you can find a more detailed explanation than I can give. Its very good for those of us who can't seem to quite quit analogs with only nicotine.

 

[freeatlast!]

I have tried upping NIC level, different power devices and delivery systems. I was down to a PAD towards the end. Either way, I have gotten further than with no devices. Cartos, cartotanks, clearomizers... All good in their own way. They are all better than the patch, a pill, disgusting gum or cold turkey for me.

To me, vaping is night and day from smoking. One is wet and one is dry. They both feel and taste night and day from each other. Sorry if my venting and rambling wasn't in the form of an essay or a term paper. It was on the fly while I was going through a tough time. Melodramatic? Sure, I will give you that. Did I feel better after getting it off my chest? I guess I did. Regardless, my struggle with nicotine is no less real for me. I thought that's what this place was for, like AA or something. My fault for putting it on a public forum. Live and learn.

I thought your "venting and rambling" was very well expressed!! And I certainly feel for you! Quitting is more difficult for some than for others. I was very lucky that vaping did it for me (well, so far at least, who ever knows for sure?) - I didn't realize how demoralized I had been feeling for being so hooked on smoking. I smoked for 47 years and loved it 98% of the time. Of course, sometimes I still miss it and still think it would be great to have one once in a while. But I fear that one would lead to another, and another, and there I'd be again - enslaved. So I continue to fight the occasional urge.

I'm at the age now when A LOT of my decades-long smoker friends and family are falling by the wayside because of the health effects of the habit....it's very sobering.

Maybe take some pressure off yourself - remind yourself of how many cigs you no longer are smoking, instead of how many you still are. And maybe try going really slowly - but carefully - focusing on just cutting out one extra cig for 2 or 3 weeks at a time, before eliminating yet one more....?

Wish there was a magic answer that would work for everyone. /-: Anyway, would enjoy hearing updates from you. Best of luck!

 

[elfy]

Quitting smoking sucks. I think all of us have gone through that to some degree. Its annoying, what tobacco does to your psyche.

Vaping is really similar but not the same as smoking to me. I pretty much had one last cig and since then I've had cravings - for nicotine - but not really for cigarettes.

There isnt anything wrong with coming in here and posting that you are craving them, either. Folks are going to go through that.

I know when I am wanting to adjust my nicotine level in my blood (aka a craving) I take a seriously large honk off my vape and in a few minutes I feel better. If I need more nic, well..I got 24mg juice I can load up. If I need to take more vapes, well...thats why I got this gear.

Typically I'm using 12mg stuff lately (really only been vaping a few weeks now) and I also have some 18mg stuff too.

In my experience its helpful to know that if I say 'wow I want a cig' folks here will comprehend that exact feeling. Just being able to express that is a help.

I know in the past when I've stopped smoking that if I could pass the 3 day mark, then I could hit a week. After a week, then two weeks..it gets easier and easier.

However, I also know that I've been in places where lots of folks are smoking, and it triggers the mechanism that makes your body want to adjust your blood/nic level - aka another craving.

But this time its quite different, because I have this weapon against it: a device that will let me take in nicotine but then also NOT take in the thousands of different poisons thats in tobacco.

And its unbelievable, all the crap in tobacco smoke: The main component is some stuff called Benzo |a| Pyrene. I am not a scientist, or a geenius, but ages ago I read a book about what all is IN smoke and it boggles the mind.

Benzene? Pretty sure, yep. Formaldehyde? Pretty sure thats in there too. Toluene? Why not, throw that in the mix. None of those are healthy.

Polonium-210? Yes. Thats radioactive. Radon? Sure, why not. The Polonium-210 goes through whats called a decay chain and apparently Radon is one of the things it turns into.

Tobacco smoke is hydroscopic; from what I understand about it, it clings to moist lung tissue and then absorbs moisture in your body. I guess its sticky and doesnt really want to come out easily. Then you have the effect of the mild radioactivity and well..no wonder folks get really sick from using it.

Tobacco - when grown - also has the ability to leech everything out of the ground, including any heavy metals or other elements.

Its just unreal how bad this crap is, and how long Big Tobacco has skirted the issue of its adverse health effects. I cant think anyone would voluntarily suck in Radon vapor, or Benzene or any of the other 4000+ chemicals in smoke.

But you (all of you reading this or on ECF) have weapons against it: One - your mind. You can choose to just avoid tobacco. Two, the ECF itself - we are all in the same or similar situations or have gone through it. Lastly: your vape gear.

And the desire for nicotine can be curbed, and then the habit of vaping can take on a new dimension - allowing a person to replace the habitual use of tobacco with one of just vaping.

Is vaping safe? No idea, im not a doctor. I know one but shes an Orthopedic Surgeon (she fixes busted up bones). But she's clearly mentioned that smoking tobacco is really, REALLY bad. We all already know this one.

This book is where I got most all info about smoke and whats in it. I read it ages ago and it...it aint pretty.

Environmental Tobacco Smoke: Measuring Exposures and Assessing Health Effects


Environmental Tobacco Smoke: Measuring Exposures and Assessing Health Effects
by National Research Council


This was published in 1986, and used studies going back as far as 1968 (its been ages since I read it).

But I urge you all: Know your enemy. This is what we fight against. This is an industry backed by a LOT of money and they are reluctant to give it up or let anyone rest until they have all the money they can possibly drain from us. They are not interested in preserving anyone's life except their own.


In the end your body is saying 'I WANT NICOTINE' and you can give it that, in a vape. But you clearly dont need all the crap in tobacco, because that will be the end of you (and me too, thats why I want to avoid it and quit).

Ok, long rant over... ...

tl;dr = smoking sucks, you arent alone, fight the good fight, send the elf doughnuts.

 

[MikeZ28]

You're not alone. I've been struggling with this the last few weeks myself. It's hard to unlearn a behavior I slaved myself to for 30 years. When I stress over not having a cigarette I try to remember that the cigarettes are what caused that stress to begin with. They weren't my friend, they were my dealer keeping me addicted. When I look at them in that light, it makes the things I thought I enjoyed about them seem less enjoyable.

 

[Fizzpop]

I have tried upping NIC level, different power devices and delivery systems. I was down to a PAD towards the end. Either way, I have gotten further than with no devices. Cartos, cartotanks, clearomizers... All good in their own way. They are all better than the patch, a pill, disgusting gum or cold turkey for me.

To me, vaping is night and day from smoking. One is wet and one is dry. They both feel and taste night and day from each other. Sorry if my venting and rambling wasn't in the form of an essay or a term paper. It was on the fly while I was going through a tough time. Melodramatic? Sure, I will give you that. Did I feel better after getting it off my chest? I guess I did. Regardless, my struggle with nicotine is no less real for me. I thought that's what this place was for, like AA or something. My fault for putting it on a public forum. Live and learn.

This forum is a giant support group buddy. Don't sweat it.