The Super Colossal Mega Herculean Juice Give Away!!!!!!!!!!! PIF Birthday Contest!

[loxmythe]

Funny Golf innuendo
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

 

[IThrenodyI]

I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. ....

OMG ROFLMFAO I literally fell out of my chair and scared the dog I'm laughing so hard!!

 

[miller552]

nuff said!

 

[miller552]

mod .....!

 

[quittin4mykids]

well, I just have to share this- and this seem'd like as good a place as any.

My daughter- we call her Bertha Sue-

well she is 7, and she was in her first ever 3D archery tournament last weekend.
One of the targets is a gator. and she shot at it.
and hit it. IN the head.

BUT, in 3D competitions you have certain places you HAVE to hit animals, they mark them at the factory, its the vital organs. and they DO NOT have the Aligator marked in or around the head.

Well, when she found out she did NOT get in the vitals, and was getting NO points, she was LIVID- and proceeded to argue and complain to everyone who would listen. Because- and I quote "TROY LANDRY told me to shoot them in the back of the head, and HE is the Alligator HUNTING KING!"

of course, for this to be funny, or even make sense you would have to watch swamp people.

 

[IThrenodyI]

Entry #2
My sons make me laugh every day. Today's example...
Alex, our 3 year old, was playing guns with Daddy. At one point my husband got a little winded and sat down, at which point Alex told him to "Stand up and take it like a man!"

 

[daisyd]

I had to change it. I found the one I was originally looking for.
#2

 

[mattiem]

I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented "You're definitely going to crap yourself" chili.

I wish I could like this one a dozen times. I had to stop half a dozen times to wipe my eyes and blow my nose before I could finish reading it. I was laughing so hard my hubby thought I was losing my mind.

 

[quittin4mykids]

My last entry.


well crap- its a video on facebook- totally safe-

 

[Prism]

This is a bump, not an entry

 

[JungleAgent007]

Having size issues but here's #1

 

[grandmato5]

 

[tofucute]

Adults say strange things when they have children.

 

[tofucute]

 

[mfraz25]

you'll thank me later

Funny Facebook Status Messages and Facebook Fails

 

[toto1013]

#1

A husband, so proud of the fact that his wife had given birth to 6 children, begins to call her "mother of six" rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles.

A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of her husband's description. "Mother of six," he would say, "Get me a beer!" "Hey mother of six, what's for dinner tonight?" This type of situation persisted to a boiling point.

Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yelled out, "Hey mother of six, I think it's time to go!"

The wife seized the moment and shouted back, "I'll be right with you - father of four

 

[Lilacs212too]

My only entry.. I saw this pic online and immediately thought of you, Rose.. though I am not sure why, really (hehe)



♥ thanks for a great contest!!

 

[Heavy119]

How come when a woman is pregnant, other women go to her and rub her belly and say congratulations.....But no men go to the father, rub his penis and say "nice job".

 

[toto1013]

#2


Electric Train
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of .....es who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of .....es who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are ...... off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the ..... in the kitchen."

 

[Heavy119]

#2
A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force.
By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.
The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.
"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?"
"Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine.
"Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States?"
"Yep."
"Were there any survivors?"
"Nope. They's all kilt straight out," the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning."
"President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked.
"Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor.
"He kept a-saying he wasn't... But you know how bad that sum..... lies..."