Apparentlythis was an actual review on the Amazon website for:"Veet for Men
Hair RemovalGel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)" - Enjoy!
After havingbeen told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian, I
decided totake the plunge and buy some 'Veet Hair Removal', as previous
shavingattempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out
trying toreach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought
I would dothe deed on the Missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered itwell in advance and working in the North Sea I considerd myself
a bit abovesome of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote
them off assoft office types...oh, my fellow sufferers: how wrong I was!
I waiteduntil the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some
vague hintsabout a special surprise I went down to the bathroom.
Initiallyall went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for
something tohappen.
I didn'thave long to wait.
At firstthere was a gentle warmth which - in a matter of seconds - was
replaced byan intense burning and a feeling that I can only describe as
like beinggiven a barbed wire "wedgie" by two people intent on hitting the
ceiling withmy head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that
night but Isuddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the
violentburning around the back passage and what seemed like the destruction
of the meatand two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip, I
tried towash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the
plugholewith a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears, I struggled out of
the bathroomacross the hall into the kitchen. By this time walking was not
reallypossible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge, in the hope of
some form ofcold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of
ice cream,tore the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was
fantasticbut only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery
stabbingsoon returned.
Due to theshape of the ice cream tub, I hadn't managed to give the
'starfish'any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something
else as Iwas sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag
of what Ilater found out was frozen Brussell Sprouts and tore it open,
trying to bequiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain
to clenchsome between the cheeks of my ..... This was not doing the trick
as some ofthe gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like
the spaceshuttle was running its engines behind me.
This wasprobably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish
there was agay snowman in the kitchen, which should give you some idea of
the depths Iwas willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only
solution mypain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of
the sproutswhere no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately,alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen, the
other halfchose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the
sight of me,.... in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my nuts,
pushing asprout up my .... while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ".
Understandablythis was a shock to her and she let out a scream, and as I
hadn't heardher come in, it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself
whichresulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her
direction.
I canunderstand that having a partially thawed Brussell Sprout farted
against yourleg at 11pm at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special
surprise shewas expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day
what thestrange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...
So, to sumit up: Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...
Hair RemovalGel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)" - Enjoy!
After havingbeen told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian, I
decided totake the plunge and buy some 'Veet Hair Removal', as previous
shavingattempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out
trying toreach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought
I would dothe deed on the Missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered itwell in advance and working in the North Sea I considerd myself
a bit abovesome of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote
them off assoft office types...oh, my fellow sufferers: how wrong I was!
I waiteduntil the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some
vague hintsabout a special surprise I went down to the bathroom.
Initiallyall went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for
something tohappen.
I didn'thave long to wait.
At firstthere was a gentle warmth which - in a matter of seconds - was
replaced byan intense burning and a feeling that I can only describe as
like beinggiven a barbed wire "wedgie" by two people intent on hitting the
ceiling withmy head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that
night but Isuddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the
violentburning around the back passage and what seemed like the destruction
of the meatand two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip, I
tried towash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the
plugholewith a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears, I struggled out of
the bathroomacross the hall into the kitchen. By this time walking was not
reallypossible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge, in the hope of
some form ofcold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of
ice cream,tore the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was
fantasticbut only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery
stabbingsoon returned.
Due to theshape of the ice cream tub, I hadn't managed to give the
'starfish'any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something
else as Iwas sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag
of what Ilater found out was frozen Brussell Sprouts and tore it open,
trying to bequiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain
to clenchsome between the cheeks of my ..... This was not doing the trick
as some ofthe gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like
the spaceshuttle was running its engines behind me.
This wasprobably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish
there was agay snowman in the kitchen, which should give you some idea of
the depths Iwas willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only
solution mypain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of
the sproutswhere no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately,alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen, the
other halfchose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the
sight of me,.... in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my nuts,
pushing asprout up my .... while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ".
Understandablythis was a shock to her and she let out a scream, and as I
hadn't heardher come in, it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself
whichresulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her
direction.
I canunderstand that having a partially thawed Brussell Sprout farted
against yourleg at 11pm at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special
surprise shewas expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day
what thestrange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...
So, to sumit up: Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...
