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Today's Laugh

Discussion in 'IkenVape' started by HzG8rGrl, Feb 4, 2010.

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  1. HzG8rGrl

    HzG8rGrl Trippy Tip Hoarder Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Nov 11, 2009
    *The Swamp*
    I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas..
    The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music..

    After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody

    was staring at me.....



    Then I suddenly remembered .......................................








    I was listening to my iPod. :oops:
     
  2. MrsIken

    MrsIken Super Member ECF Veteran

    May 14, 2009
    PA USA
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that was really funny Tina!!!:lol::lol:
     
  3. aspen

    aspen Super Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Mar 1, 2009
    Ca.
    :oops:loved the punch line and certainly laughed. There's an art to telling stories and you nailed that one HZ.:D:D
     
  4. AJMoore

    AJMoore Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Dec 15, 2009
    Here and back
    If you made that up (or if it really happened) you should be a writer (David Letterman???). You are funny.
     
  5. Thyestean

    Thyestean Vaping Master ECF Veteran

    Oct 29, 2009
    Upstate NY
  6. HzG8rGrl

    HzG8rGrl Trippy Tip Hoarder Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Nov 11, 2009
    *The Swamp*
    Gawd, Thy, you come up with the funniest emoticons...
     
  7. Skully7780

    Skully7780 Super Member ECF Veteran

    Jan 14, 2010
    hartford, ct
    Oh yea.. just download the app:

    [​IMG]
     
  8. Thyestean

    Thyestean Vaping Master ECF Veteran

    Oct 29, 2009
    Upstate NY

    [​IMG]
     
  9. HzG8rGrl

    HzG8rGrl Trippy Tip Hoarder Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Nov 11, 2009
    *The Swamp*
    Social Security
    A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

    The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.

    When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."
     
  10. Electricnut

    Electricnut Super Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 5, 2009
    East Central Ohio
  11. crashtestjeep

    crashtestjeep Vaping Master ECF Veteran

    Aug 14, 2009
    Wilmington, NC
    these are absolutely HILARIOUS!!!! Keep em coming :D:D:D:D:D
     
  12. HzG8rGrl

    HzG8rGrl Trippy Tip Hoarder Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Nov 11, 2009
    *The Swamp*
    Great Advice to Pass on to Your Daughters

    1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

    2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

    3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

    4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

    5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

    6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

    7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

    8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

    9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

    10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

    11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

    12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

    13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

    14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

    15. Sadly, all men are created equal...
     
  13. Thyestean

    Thyestean Vaping Master ECF Veteran

    Oct 29, 2009
    Upstate NY
    LOl @ that one
     
  14. Thyestean

    Thyestean Vaping Master ECF Veteran

    Oct 29, 2009
    Upstate NY
    That's funny... I've always said that there are way to many people in the world to make miserable to waste a whole life doing it to just one :rolleyes:
     
  15. HzG8rGrl

    HzG8rGrl Trippy Tip Hoarder Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Nov 11, 2009
    *The Swamp*
    There you are....Now where did you go?
     
  16. crashtestjeep

    crashtestjeep Vaping Master ECF Veteran

    Aug 14, 2009
    Wilmington, NC
    ooh I got one! A mans wife leaves him so he goes n buys a brand new bmw convertible...hes speeding down the hwy and sees hes blue lighted ...thinks f it- noone will catch me in this thing so gasses it....a few seconds later realized its a dumb idea so pulls over. The cop says "look its been a long day and its fri the 13th-if u can tell me an excuse why u were going so fast,and its one ive NEVER heard, Ill let u go" - the guy looks up and says "last week, my wife ran off with a cop, I thought u were trying to return her" - cop says "have a nice day sir" and walks off chuckling....:)
     
  17. Thyestean

    Thyestean Vaping Master ECF Veteran

    Oct 29, 2009
    Upstate NY
    what? who? where? :p


    -----


    lol ctj
     
  18. notsoogood

    notsoogood Vaping Master ECF Veteran

    Oct 19, 2009
    The REAL Washington

    This ones a killer!!!:lol::lol::lol: Thought I was gonna pee my pants!!! :w00t::thumbs:
    Thanks for the laughs!!!!:D
     
  19. MrsIken

    MrsIken Super Member ECF Veteran

    May 14, 2009
    PA USA
    :D

    The Strangest Wal Mart Customer



    Dear Mrs. Denner,

    Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Denner are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

    June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

    July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House-wares to go off at 5-minute intervals

    July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

    July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House-wares. Get on it right away."

    August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

    September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

    September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

    September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

    October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

    December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

    December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

    December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fatal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

    December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

    Once again we cannot tolerate this behaviour in our store.

    Regards, Wal-Mart (Thanks Bradley)
     
  20. aspen

    aspen Super Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Mar 1, 2009
    Ca.
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