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A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.
Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.
Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you ......!!!!'
The moral of the story:
Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.
Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you ......!!!!'
The moral of the story:
Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?" She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice..."I don't think my python weally givth a thit."
As always----Thanks for the laugh!!!! Read up I and V. Laugh whilst you pack and fire up the teleporter. I'll be watching the landing in my back yard. I have put away the ar-15. All is safe.
P.S. Don't forget the merlot.
P.S. Don't forget the merlot.
Here's an old Gene Tracy - a comedian who used to play truck stops in the 60s and 70s. I've cleaned it up a little. Do an old lady and little boy voices for maximum effect.
Little boy was walking his little puppy dog down the street and he had on a new white blazer, red tie and blue pants and this woman stopped him and said, “Honey, what a cute little boy you are,” and he said, “thank ya ma’am.” And she said, “What a handsome white coat you have on” and he said, “thank ya ma’am.” And she said “And what a striking little red tie you have on” and he said, “thank ya ma’am.” And she said, “What a nice looking little puppy dog” and he said “thank ya ma’am.” And she asked, “what did ya name your puppy” and he said, “I named him Porky. And she asked, “Well, sonny, why’d you name him Porky?” and he said, “cause he likes to #@*& pigs.”
Little boy was walking his little puppy dog down the street and he had on a new white blazer, red tie and blue pants and this woman stopped him and said, “Honey, what a cute little boy you are,” and he said, “thank ya ma’am.” And she said, “What a handsome white coat you have on” and he said, “thank ya ma’am.” And she said “And what a striking little red tie you have on” and he said, “thank ya ma’am.” And she said, “What a nice looking little puppy dog” and he said “thank ya ma’am.” And she asked, “what did ya name your puppy” and he said, “I named him Porky. And she asked, “Well, sonny, why’d you name him Porky?” and he said, “cause he likes to #@*& pigs.”
I took my Dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66). We decided to grab a bite at the food court.
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors - green, red, orange, and blue.
My Dad kept staring at her.
The teenager kept looking and would find my Dad staring every time.
When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked: "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one!
In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid ....
"Got stoned once and screwed a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my daughter."
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors - green, red, orange, and blue.
My Dad kept staring at her.
The teenager kept looking and would find my Dad staring every time.
When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked: "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one!
In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid ....
"Got stoned once and screwed a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my daughter."
The Pretzel was an unbeatable wrestler whose star move was, you guessed it, "The Pretzel". Joe was up against the Pretzel in a championship match, and the only advice his coach gave him was: "Don't let him put 'The Pretzel' on you." Nervous, Joe held his own in the match until the third quarter, when his opponent managed to slip him into this fearsome hold. The audience gasped, rooting for the underdog. There was a sudden scream from the entwined pair, Joe escaped, and won the match. Later, Joe's coach asked him how he escaped the Pretzel's grasp. Joe said, "Well, once he got me in the Pretzel, I thought I was done for. But there were these balls hanging up in my face, and I had nothing to lose, so I just bit them. And coach, let me tell you, you get a hell of a burst of energy when you bite yourself in the nuts."
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father and while he's getting his hair cut, she stands next to the chair eating a Twinkie. The barber being concerned says "You better watch out sweetheart, you're going to get hair on your Twinkie". The little girl says "Yeah I know, my daddy says one day I'm going to get boobies too".
Lol That was great Warped!
A young boy and his dad went out fishing one fine morning. After a few quiet hours out in the boat, the boy became curious about the world around him. He looked up at his dad and asked "How do fish breath under water?"
His dad thought about it for a moment, then replied, "I really don't know, son."
The boy sat quietly from another moment, then turned back to his dad and asked, "How does our boat float on the water?"
Once again his dad replied, "Don’t know, son."
Pondering his thoughts again, a short while later, the boy asks "Why is the sky blue?"
Again, his dad replied. "Don’t know, son."
The inquisitive boy, worried he was annoying his father, asks this time "Dad, do you mind that I'm asking you all of these questions?"
"Of course not son." replied his dad, "How else are you ever going to learn anything?"
A young boy and his dad went out fishing one fine morning. After a few quiet hours out in the boat, the boy became curious about the world around him. He looked up at his dad and asked "How do fish breath under water?"
His dad thought about it for a moment, then replied, "I really don't know, son."
The boy sat quietly from another moment, then turned back to his dad and asked, "How does our boat float on the water?"
Once again his dad replied, "Don’t know, son."
Pondering his thoughts again, a short while later, the boy asks "Why is the sky blue?"
Again, his dad replied. "Don’t know, son."
The inquisitive boy, worried he was annoying his father, asks this time "Dad, do you mind that I'm asking you all of these questions?"
"Of course not son." replied his dad, "How else are you ever going to learn anything?"
I'm not sure if this even deserves a laugh but it has to be one of the most ridiculous things anyone has ever spent money making
YouTube - Office 2010: The Movie
YouTube - Office 2010: The Movie
Excel and Sharepoint Workspace are a Tour de Force
-IT guy
Communicator Is a Winner-ator!
-Another IT guy
This one's for you Thye!
YouTube - The Paperclip (Demetri Martin)
-IT guy
Communicator Is a Winner-ator!
-Another IT guy
This one's for you Thye!
YouTube - The Paperclip (Demetri Martin)
that was good. haven't seen that before.
Lol I'm glad you liked it! Demetri Martin is my most favorite comedian. Not his Tv show, but his Stand-up specials are hilarious!
I got sucked into youtube just now.
YouTube - Demetri Martin - Jokes
lol I'll hold off on watching that one til tomorrow. Otherwise I'd get sucked into it too and be up even longer than I want.
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