How do you overcome stress?

[yoshistr]

Every time I try to quit smoking I begin to get stressed out and instead of using the ecigarette I go back to analogs to relieve the stress, now I want to go cold turkey but when I try I just begin to think about how my life isn't so great and lose my motivation. I'm tired of smoking, I can barely breath most of the time and I can't think straight but at the same time I don't want to think straight because then I will begin to think about how my life has been going downhill these past few years.
Most of my stress comes from my family arguing with me for any reason, my lack of motivation to succeed because I spent the past 15 years of my life in school and now the economy is getting worse and no jobs are available, a girl friend who told me she doesn't love me anymore and now is trying to contact me to stay in touch (I just want her to leave me alone after what happened), midterm & stress from studying for exams, staying at home all day because I can't afford a car, having no friends because I can't go anywhere (public transport isn't easily available and I have no money), people in my college constantly trying to get me to talk to them even though I'm angry about my life so I want to stay introverted, being bored of not having anything to do sometimes, seeing other people who seem to have better lives than me (better looking, more money, etc.), a fear of being happy and losing everything no matter how hard I try, and worst of all my own desire to ruin my life because I get my high from doing things that are risky/dangerous to my health in a way to be better than others.

I fear that if I stop smoking I will just fall into the trap of being happy and not letting someone else into my life who will ruin it for me.

Somethings I'm trying to alleviate the stress:
Meditation/Music
Weightlifting/Basketball/exercise
Eating more tasty food (I'm underweight)
Getting more sleep to feel better
Taking care of my health/my looks/my confidence

I'm just frustrated that I keep hurting myself and I can't find the will to even live (not suicidal just lack motivation to care). On top of it all the girl still thinks we can be friends and every time she contacts me I begin to think of how she hurt me and I start drinking/smoking again. I have tried ecigarettes but after a few weeks I am back on the regular analogs. I will graduate college in 3 more months so I'm trying to use that to motivate me to change my life but my mind always manages to trick me into having just "One more" cigarette, I buy another pack and the cycle continues of me hating myself for smoking, smelling horribly and having everyone tell me how badly I smell, my parents arguing with me for being stupid, my desire to live life on the edge.

I'm going to make a large order of ecigs and juice but I really need advice at this point because I feel like nobody else cares and if I don't care either...then I don't even exist.

 

[ZambucaLu]

Yo,

You might want to start by trying to find something to be thankful for every day....anything. Take a look around....note those that are really less fortunate than you and then be thankful you really have all that you have. And this isn't really hard to do...it just takes being aware of those around you.

My 20 year old son recently went through a rough time...what he would call "a crisis", I guess.

His cell phone, tv, computer and car all died within a month. Yep, that could seem like some pretty bad luck.....and he's a college student and doesn't have a lot of money.

But one by one, he took care of each problem on his own. And when all was said and done I said "You think life was bad right then. But look at all those around you who have never even owned any of those things. And how lucky you are that you were able to find a way to get it all back." This may be a minor comparison but I am just trying to make a point.

I may be accused of wearing rose colored glasses but I am a happy (and healthy!) person because I strive to focus on the positive rather than the negative. And I am thankful every day....even if it's only for my good health...or that of my children or grandchildren. Anything works!

So try to find something positive in your life....or around you. I'm sure if you look hard enough, you'll find it.

BTW...I also pray. I am not religious...and I don't pray for things....but when I lay in bed at night and sometimes feel overwhelmed by some particular problem(s)....praying helps distract my mind and give me some peace.

Good luck to you.....have faith.....and it will all work out.

"I cried because I had no shoes, til I met a man who had no feet." Think about it.

Lu

 

[Cellmeister]

Lu,

I could of not said that better!

God Bless!

 

[Bulldog44]

I concur. Well said Lu.

 

[QueenInNC]

Bravo, Lu!

As far as the stress goes, I exercise like hell and always feel better. A nice vaping session helps too. I find it relaxing. And I have two kids that I have to escape to do it. You could find a nice quiet place to sit, relax and vape. Try really hard to resist those analogs. Give the ecig a real chance. Good Luck to you. You may want to discuss these feelings with your Dr. also. It sounds like you may need an anxiety medication. I am no Dr. Just a high strung Mommy

 

[misantroll]

Yo first of all : FEAR NOTHING
E-CIGS is the best you can argue with nowadays baby !!!! So go for it and then try to make your life thru it !

 

[UkUsa]

Yo Lu gave some good advice.

Personally i rarely get too stressed. I grew up with my two sisters who have muscular dystrophy. They have been wheelchairs since the age of 5. I really think that was what helped shape my attitude to life.
Both sisters are doing fine and in their 40's. One has been married for 10 years to a good guy, the other has a good job and has a great life. I think to myself if they can do it then so can i.

Life is what you make it.

Additional edit - If i should get stressed when i'm at home i can always go outside and split some firewood, that is a great stress reliever for me. Or just walk around the yard or sit on the porch with a beer.

 

[ZambucaLu]

Yo Lu gave some good advice.

Personally i rarely get too stressed. I grew up with my two sisters who have muscular dystrophy. They have been wheelchairs since the age of 5. I really think that was what helped shape my attitude to life.
Both sisters are doing fine and in their 40's. One has been married for 10 years to a good guy, the other has a good job and has a great life. I think to myself if they can do it then so can i.

Life is what you make it.

This reminds me of the other day....it was so dang cold here...wind blowing like a maniac. I .....ed all day about it. Then I saw a guy in a wheelchair trying to get into a car...in that blistering cold. I at least could run to my car and be in there in like 2 seconds (if I wanted to). Kind of made me feel silly, complaining as I was, over something really so trivial in the bigger picture of life.

Yep, that (again) made me think of how thankful I am for what I have. I do look for it every day....it's all around. It is just soooo much a matter of perspective too....and a matter of adjusting yours. And you're right UK....life is what you make it....so make it good....even when you think you can't!

Lu

 

[Elle]

i'm always stressed. i've been stressed for as long as i can remember (even as a child). the only things that have ever brought me a sense of peace are 1. my spirituality and 2. becoming a more efficient problem solver...

number 1 brings me peace because when i feel overwhelmed, it helps to remember that i'm really not in control of anything at all whatsoever (except my own choices), and put things into perspective, remember whats really important.

and when i'm not smart enough for 1, number 2... is pretty much the only way i stay sane.

<------------ not the expert on the subject in the least, so sorry

 

[MonkeyMonk]

yoshistr you got a lot going for you because you are very in touch with your feelings and how your feelings affect your behavior. And, you're gifted because you could share all those inter-dependent thoughts, feelings, and actions such that we could all understand. And, you write very, very well. Had this been the start of a book that I was looking at in a book store, I would have definitely purchased the book. So, you see, yoshistr, you have many, many gifts and much talent.

I, also think, though you won't go back with your "X" that you haven't resolved it within yourself. yoshistr there are such things as toxic relationships and no matter how much we love someone, the relationship is toxic... no good comes of it and we get hurt all over again. So, on that I would say to consider writing a journal about your feelings. Keep track of, keep reminding yourself of that person's bad characteristics, bad behaviors... bad things they did to you in general. Too often, we forget those bad things and get sucked-back into the whirlpool, the roller-coaster again. The journal is a method of anchoring you, so that you are not tempted to re-connect again. It's a letting go... And, when you finish the journal, when all the tears and frustrations come out, then let them rest there and forgive. Forgive yourself and forgive the girl.

And, I agree with SambucaLu to try to find things to be grateful for as soon as you wake up just think of 3 things to be grateful for: I have a room, I have a bed, I have clothes to wear... Eventually, you will fing gratitude naturally flowing during your day in your subconscious thoughts. And, thus, your day... and your life get better.

My last suggestion is to volunteer as a tutor at a HS, or volunteer at a local hospital, or the local juvenile delenquency center or a seniors center. Or just pick a neighbor in need and carry out their trash. When we volunteer something happens within us and we get back 100 fold what we have given.

The caterpillar never knew what was happening. Why he felt sick and spun his cacoon...yet, he held on and felt the pain as he was rearranged in that dark period...and he came out a beautiful soaring butterfly.

Believe in yourself and your goodness. Don't focus on the times you've "fallen", focus on today and how it presents you with a new opportunity ...You will come out of all of this a stronger person with the gift of compassion. Then, later in life share that compassion.

My heart and prayers are with you! Please keep us posted.

 

[fenez]

Always remember if you wake up in the morning you already have it better than the people who didn't, Sometime if you just stop and listen to your inner voice the answer will come only you've been too busy worrying to hear it, NEVER ever give up because no fight has ever been won by quitting, you are sometimes just one more punch away from winning the fight and if you don't win there is always tomorrow.

 

[chokmah]

My 2 cents although it isnt much.... Stress will always be there, thats just life. Its how you cope with it and adjust. Not to compare but I have been married to the same man for 22 yrs. My high school sweetheart in fact. We have a daughter and son and he was just diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. We have both smoked analogs for 22 plus yrs and now we are both quiting. He has quit once before after his lung colapsed in 2003 but up until now I have never been able to and boy have I tried everything. He is a great motivator for my reason to quit and currently I am doing better than he is. My point is stress will be there but its up to you to find that motivation to quit if that is what you want the end result to be. Good luck to you and keep your head up its not as bad as it could be.

 

[secondson2929]

Wow! I read the first post of this thread and thought maybe I could make some suggestions. Then I read what everyone else said. It is an awesome gift to be a part of such a wise and compassionate community. Everything that was shared was great.

And to think, I jusi wanted to know about e-cigs!

 

[yoshistr]

Thanks all for the support and words of wisdom, especially Lu & MonkeyMonk. I definitely agree with everyone in regards to having a positive attitude on life in order to succeed but then I ask myself why should I desire to succeed simply to exist. Maybe I just haven't found that one thing in life that makes me happy or gives me enough pleasure to stop wondering why I desire to live first and foremost. I understand that I have a lot going for me, the endless list of people I have met who tell me just how great a person I am and how much potential I have is sometimes even daunting. I just want an answer to why I am alive but at the same time I understand that the answer doesn't exist but that I can delude myself into believing in anything by having blind faith and live a life of constant distractions rather than rational thought. The only time each day that I feel alright is when I am sleeping, so death or misery does not exactly bother me as long as I have an answer as to why it is so. I also know that I won't find the answers that don't exist to begin with, but it bothers me how other people complain that they are struggling to stay alive, "keep their heads above the water" from the Chinese saying, or how their brain chemicals make them believe in something.

I don't desire to be loved, pitied or remembered, but simply to know why it matters or why it doesn't. A self-defeating purpose admittedly however my brain drives me so and I can lie to myself, live a long happy life and cast my boots off in the grave. Maybe I just lack the right emotion to make me stop questioning and smoking gives me a moment to think to myself of how bizzare and obsurd life is. We wake up everyday and make actions we believe are our own when we are made to reproduce; just existing to have the redundant thoughts we have. Even the memories we cherish the most become convoluted each day until their resemeblence to the actual events are obscure at best. Even as I sit here typing this I wonder how long I will remember these moments and if our actions are each meant to slightly alter the universe's course but we may never know to what end bothers my conscience. Maybe all I am saying is that I'm tired, tired of life but at the same time I don't want to ruin anybody else's happiness through reasoning even if it may not be real.

Anyone who questions normalcy constantly is deemed crazy, and if insane I am then so be it .
As time passes the feelings and memories fade into dreams of fantasy and amazed wonderment, the meaning of each action loses it's grip on rationality, and at that moment we wonder what this muddled haze we call life really was...

So maybe in the end I should shoulder my burden and pain to simply be satisfied with changing other people's delusions of sadness into happiness, keep my big mouth shut and let the universe work it's "magic". I can't say that I have never been happy because as a child I have had my share of dopamine but now that I know I will forever question my emotions they will feel different. Hopefully this will motivate me to volunteer and put a smile on a child or maybe I will wistfully spend my idle hours trying to give reason to that which is meaningless, either way life is too damn long and I'm only 21, feeling more tired than my grandfather. Some call intelligence a gift, but it seems like ignorance is truly bliss.

Thanks again everyone and my apologies for my degressive ramblings.

 

[Kate]

"I don't desire to be loved, pitied or remembered, but simply to know why it matters or why it doesn't."

In a few million years the solar system will implode and all human endeavour will be erased. We only matter in the here and now, all that matters is finding a way to survive that you and those around you are comfortable with.

Ignorance can be bliss, analysing life can be very depressing, there is much suffering in the world and many who don't think twice about contributing more.

Buddhists think that to live is to suffer. Enlightenment comes with transcending everyday pain and developing positive, constructive coping strategies.

If you are having trouble coping or finding a way out of the hole you are in then it might be wise to discuss this with a professional counsellor.

Take care, keep well, strive to survive.

 

[JustJulie]

If you are having trouble coping or finding a way out of the hole you are in then it might be wise to discuss this with a professional counsellor.

When someone is feeling a bit blue or down in the dumps, counting blessings, going out and doing something fun and/or physically active, etc. can really make a huge difference in perspective. But if one is suffering from a more profound, longer-lasting depression, then it's almost impossible to dig oneself out of the proverbial hole without some assistance.

I know I'm going to sound like a mother (probably because I am--I have one almost your age, in fact), but I'm thinking that if my daughter were to share with me some of the thoughts that you've shared here on this forum, I'd be talking to her about a trip to the doctor and a visit with a professional counselor. From what I can gather from your posts, these feelings have been around for awhile, and it doesn't sound like a temporary case of the blues.

I mean this in the kindest possible terms, but for a 21 year old to be talking about how life is too long, well, I find that kind of disturbing.

As for the meaning of life, well, my take on that is it means exactly what you chose to make it mean.

 

[MonkeyMonk]

yoshistr I wanted to respond to your 2nd post. I kept coming back to it and searching for the right words... I think Kate and JustJulie are correct that a professional consular would be the best choice. Your college should have free consuling via their student services.

But, I, also think this might help... I have utilized a professional consular and I'm sure many others posting here at the forum have, too.

That is my best support yoshistr, I saw a professional and it helped a lot.

 

[Kate]

How are you doing Yosh, what's your mood like now?

I hope you're taking all the good advice here

Keep your karma polished and wear clean underwear.

 

[CandyGirl]

“If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten.”

break the cycles, surround yourself with friends who understand and support you. you don't have to stop loving the people who feed your depression, but you can and should set limits.

repeating the exact same behaviour and expecting different results is insanity.

this may be a little cornball, i know, but the message is still very powerfull:

YouTube - Yoda Wisdom

yoda, wise little dude. help you he can!

 

[Kate]

Here's something else to think about

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely Players;
They have their Exits and their Entrances,
And one man in his time playes many parts…
-- Shakespeare

http://www.creativity-engineering.com/comtrag.html