STABILIZING CONDOMS, SQUEEZING BOTTLES, AND SEEING IT ALL - OR NOT
The first task of the actual filling process will be to squeeze liquid out of a tiny bottle and have it enter a Barbie water tumbler made of silicone.
If we're living with neuro-trash or other diseases or conditions that impact our fingers and/or hands, specifically if they're trembly, fumbly, weak or a ComboFunPak, and/or we have limited visual capabilities, to the extent that looking at things is not very informative, we're going to have some additional steps in the setting-up and getting ready process.
As a vision boost, I use a 10X magnifying mirror and a pair of 6x reading glasses. You may have something fancier. If so, get it out, you're going to need it.
If you have no vision but steady hands in good working order, for you this will be just another thing you feel your way through. Your biggest annoyance will be that there's no standardization of drops, so you'll need to figure out the number of drops to squeeze in separately for each teeny little bottle.
The obvious thing to do would be to put a bindi or something onto the condom at the halfway point, to give yourself a reference of some kind, but nothing sticks to silicone.
(I know I keep complaining about that, but it's become something of a Pet Peeve, even as I appreciate the nonstick nature and raison d'être of silicone. The Pet Peeves of old sick people do not have to be consistent or make any sense. That's just a basic fundamental of International Law. Look it up).
You may have to experiment with an arbitrary starting number of drops, put in a toothpick and remember the length of the wetness, then tweak up or down until you learn the number of drops that fills the condom halfway up - for that one bottle - then you'll have to repeat the whole thing again for the next one.
Even if it's from the same company, because different juice flavors will have varying viscosity, you can't count on it having the same number of drops.
(Of course you will have already put Braille labels on every little bottle as soon as you got them, as well as on every blank cartomizer you're going to practice filling today)
Some of the bottles are soft and relatively easy to squeeze, but some are made of hard, stiff plastic that may require more squeeze power. If you have a pair of small tongs, you may be able to use those, or if you can control it enough, you might try with one of those "bulldog clips," whose disassembly and application to the task of removing the little cartomizer caps I was sneering at earlier.
To squeeze the juice into the silicone Barbie tumbler condom, we have two choices:
We can hold the condom in one hand, and squeeze with the other, or we can set the condom down on something, maybe hold it still with one hand and squeeze with the other.
If we have trembly hands, that means that unless we can stabilize the condom, we'll have the choice of squeezing juice all over us, or squeezing juice all over the surface the condom's sitting on.
This came up in the forums a couple of weeks ago, and the enterprising and ingenious person whose name I'm ashamed I can't recall right this minute obtained good results by setting the condom in some Play-Doh to keep it in one place so he could squeeze into it and not the surrounding area.
I didn't have any Play-Doh, but I had some stale bread, and that worked very well for me. In fact, it worked so well that I knew I would eventually want to rant about it here, so over the few weeks that followed, I did it again several times, using different flavors of bread.
In the initial experiment, I used some very dense, very hearty, very old school Romanian bread, hand and home-made, that a young colleague of Mr lolady had given him as a gift, having received an ungodly amount of it from his grandmother, who was so excited after her first airplane ride ever, that immediately upon arriving from Romania, she commenced to making unreasonably large quantities of bread.
The loaf we received was about a foot and a half in diameter and half a foot high. We immediately divided it up and shared it with neighbors, but even the portion we left for ourselves proved to be way too much for two people who are not accustomed to live by bread alone, which I suspect the dear grandmother had supposed her grandson and all his friends and co-workers would do... Oh, dear, rambling!
Focus! Well, I told all that to make the point that this bread was, as mentioned, very dense, and also very fine-textured, so even stale, the condoms could be inserted into a thick-cut slice and stay put.
Aware that like me, you probably can't count on having stale hand-made Romanian traditional bread lying around most of the time, I went on to try other breads:
I did not have good luck when I tried it with stale mass-produced USA traditional white sponge bread. In fact, that tied with injera bread as the least effective at holding the condoms in place.
Paratha did very well (the only flat bread that did), as did scones and corn bread (both US Southern and arepa style), bialis worked fine, bagels, surprisingly, did not. Once stale, they're just too hard, and if you're worrying about holding a silicone Barbie tumbler steady, you're in no condition to be wrestling with a stale bagel.
Microwave pancakes did a great job. Toaster waffles didn't. (But now I want one. Dammit)
It's obviously time for me to declare a "stopping point."
Next comes the part I keep putting off, because there is just no delicate way to say "Next: Putting it into the juice-filled condom"
The first task of the actual filling process will be to squeeze liquid out of a tiny bottle and have it enter a Barbie water tumbler made of silicone.
If we're living with neuro-trash or other diseases or conditions that impact our fingers and/or hands, specifically if they're trembly, fumbly, weak or a ComboFunPak, and/or we have limited visual capabilities, to the extent that looking at things is not very informative, we're going to have some additional steps in the setting-up and getting ready process.
As a vision boost, I use a 10X magnifying mirror and a pair of 6x reading glasses. You may have something fancier. If so, get it out, you're going to need it.
If you have no vision but steady hands in good working order, for you this will be just another thing you feel your way through. Your biggest annoyance will be that there's no standardization of drops, so you'll need to figure out the number of drops to squeeze in separately for each teeny little bottle.
The obvious thing to do would be to put a bindi or something onto the condom at the halfway point, to give yourself a reference of some kind, but nothing sticks to silicone.
(I know I keep complaining about that, but it's become something of a Pet Peeve, even as I appreciate the nonstick nature and raison d'être of silicone. The Pet Peeves of old sick people do not have to be consistent or make any sense. That's just a basic fundamental of International Law. Look it up).
You may have to experiment with an arbitrary starting number of drops, put in a toothpick and remember the length of the wetness, then tweak up or down until you learn the number of drops that fills the condom halfway up - for that one bottle - then you'll have to repeat the whole thing again for the next one.
Even if it's from the same company, because different juice flavors will have varying viscosity, you can't count on it having the same number of drops.
(Of course you will have already put Braille labels on every little bottle as soon as you got them, as well as on every blank cartomizer you're going to practice filling today)
Some of the bottles are soft and relatively easy to squeeze, but some are made of hard, stiff plastic that may require more squeeze power. If you have a pair of small tongs, you may be able to use those, or if you can control it enough, you might try with one of those "bulldog clips," whose disassembly and application to the task of removing the little cartomizer caps I was sneering at earlier.
To squeeze the juice into the silicone Barbie tumbler condom, we have two choices:
We can hold the condom in one hand, and squeeze with the other, or we can set the condom down on something, maybe hold it still with one hand and squeeze with the other.
If we have trembly hands, that means that unless we can stabilize the condom, we'll have the choice of squeezing juice all over us, or squeezing juice all over the surface the condom's sitting on.
This came up in the forums a couple of weeks ago, and the enterprising and ingenious person whose name I'm ashamed I can't recall right this minute obtained good results by setting the condom in some Play-Doh to keep it in one place so he could squeeze into it and not the surrounding area.
I didn't have any Play-Doh, but I had some stale bread, and that worked very well for me. In fact, it worked so well that I knew I would eventually want to rant about it here, so over the few weeks that followed, I did it again several times, using different flavors of bread.
In the initial experiment, I used some very dense, very hearty, very old school Romanian bread, hand and home-made, that a young colleague of Mr lolady had given him as a gift, having received an ungodly amount of it from his grandmother, who was so excited after her first airplane ride ever, that immediately upon arriving from Romania, she commenced to making unreasonably large quantities of bread.
The loaf we received was about a foot and a half in diameter and half a foot high. We immediately divided it up and shared it with neighbors, but even the portion we left for ourselves proved to be way too much for two people who are not accustomed to live by bread alone, which I suspect the dear grandmother had supposed her grandson and all his friends and co-workers would do... Oh, dear, rambling!
Focus! Well, I told all that to make the point that this bread was, as mentioned, very dense, and also very fine-textured, so even stale, the condoms could be inserted into a thick-cut slice and stay put.
Aware that like me, you probably can't count on having stale hand-made Romanian traditional bread lying around most of the time, I went on to try other breads:
I did not have good luck when I tried it with stale mass-produced USA traditional white sponge bread. In fact, that tied with injera bread as the least effective at holding the condoms in place.
Paratha did very well (the only flat bread that did), as did scones and corn bread (both US Southern and arepa style), bialis worked fine, bagels, surprisingly, did not. Once stale, they're just too hard, and if you're worrying about holding a silicone Barbie tumbler steady, you're in no condition to be wrestling with a stale bagel.
Microwave pancakes did a great job. Toaster waffles didn't. (But now I want one. Dammit)
It's obviously time for me to declare a "stopping point."
Next comes the part I keep putting off, because there is just no delicate way to say "Next: Putting it into the juice-filled condom"
