I'm having some serious issues here. (Incoming rank/story/ADHD, you've been warned.)
Six days off cigs, have all my parts and pieces and thingamabobs for vaping, juices and all that jazz...but I can't stop thinking about the actual feeling of smoking a cigarette.
Yay, tastebuds and feels and smells and NO! ....NO!... I liked smoking because I have a serious, unending, impossible to quench oral fixation. I was a heavy chain smoker of 305 Menthol Cigars because they were the only thing that didn't kill me the next morning or give me an AIDs cough like every other cigarette does (Marlboro, I'm looking at you.)...
Anyway, I liked smoking because it kept me from eating. Too often, I suppose, but eating once or twice a day and then binge eating once a month was okay for me. Eating 12 hours a freaking day because vaping gives me no satisfaction or appetite suppression is not okay. Throw this stupid generic birth control patch on top of it all and I'm in perma-PMS-munchie-get-everything-in-my-mouth mode.
Yes, it sounds weird and dirty, but it's the truth...
Cigarettes gave me that nasty mouth taste, the film on my teeth, the fur rug on the tongue... but it made me keep things away from my mouth... Yeah, it was gross, but I was killing myself in a more internal, pleasant way than gaining a hundred pounds and having a heart attack!
So now I'm chain vaping. But I can't chain vape right now. Because I bought this stupid Aspire Nautilus Mini with the BVC coils...with the tiny, little itty bitty holes for wicking. So I prime, and I prep, and I fiddle, and I turn the knob to the uncomfortably tight draw hole, and the voltage down so I can vape 3 times before vaping ... instead of only once with a comfortable draw...
Currently drying my iClear 16, my Tsunami crap tank, and my other Nautilus.
It's crazy. I researched so much, did so much video watching...when in reality, all I did was waste so much time!
I know it doesn't help that I have a cold right now and the easiest things to catch the taste of while vaping are either burn or menthol, or in the case of earlier as I drew close to the bottom of my Nautilus mini's tank, burning menthol...which is really weird, if you think about it...but, the bottom line is that the Tsunami and iClear both outperform the Nautilus for my specific needs.
Where is the chaining vapor...er...or...s... club!?
But I just keep telling myself: the cigarette tastes like poop, it makes me taste like poop, smoking bad, don't do it, it's cancer, it's death, it's ruining your already heavily damaged body, don't do it!
Even when I'm on the back porch and my dad is blowing clouds of sweet, delicious smelling Marlboro red smoke into the air... I tell myself it's a lie, it's my brain, it's terrible, I don't even like Marlboro reds, STAHP.
My eyes move from my MVP2, to my pack of 305's, to the Mountain Dew can, to the bottle of water, to the empty chocolate wrappers, to the clock....back to the MVP, take a drag...ugh, such butthole...mother's milk smells amazing, that second primed pull was amazing, why does it taste like burning now...my stomach is twisting...back to the 305's....back to the soda... Why am I drinking soda now, anyway? I haven't had soda in this quantity in years, and now I've got cans stacked around my desk...
That's right... I'm drinking soda because I can taste it. Because it doesn't stick to the tar in my mouth and create an unbearable film. WHICH IS BAD! BAD, I SAY! It's the same reason why there's a bottle of water up there.
The 3333000000555555555555555'sssssssssss are just staaarrriinnggg attt mmmeeeee....
Deep breaths... Smoking is bad.......smoking is bad.....
Oh? What's this? How did this 305 get in between my fingers...?
NO!
BBAACCKKKBBRREEAAAKKKEERRR!!!
<gasp, wheeze>
'Kay, it's dead.
...
There's still like 100 more of them though, lurking around every corner...trying to get me to smoke them.
Think of the children! The little voice in my head says... Think of the laptops, the keyboards, the clothing, the upholstery...the things you are saving, preserving, and helping by not smoking! It goes on and on...
Then the other one chimes in... Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow... SHUT UP I'M HAVING A SERIOUS INNER TURMOIL THING RIGHT NOW, DAMMIT!
...suddenly I feel calmer... I stop shaking my leg and rocking in my chair... Perhaps because I'm not in my chair anymore, I'm on the floor, cigarettes surrounding my body, the lighter still warm...my lungs tingle with a sensation I've almost forgotten, the unnerving clarity in my head is calmed with a numbing, cradling fog that gently runs its poisonous fingers through my hair, soothing my anxiety and quieting the hunger...
My tongue hits the top of my mouth and sticks...I swallow hard, why is it so hard to swallow all of a sudden? My heart races...beating through every pore on my body...my head pounds...
Coughing, I open my eyes to a haze of smoke above me, and look down at my right hand... <sigh> Sadness sets in...
-7 minutes since my last cigarette...
Six days off cigs, have all my parts and pieces and thingamabobs for vaping, juices and all that jazz...but I can't stop thinking about the actual feeling of smoking a cigarette.
Yay, tastebuds and feels and smells and NO! ....NO!... I liked smoking because I have a serious, unending, impossible to quench oral fixation. I was a heavy chain smoker of 305 Menthol Cigars because they were the only thing that didn't kill me the next morning or give me an AIDs cough like every other cigarette does (Marlboro, I'm looking at you.)...
Anyway, I liked smoking because it kept me from eating. Too often, I suppose, but eating once or twice a day and then binge eating once a month was okay for me. Eating 12 hours a freaking day because vaping gives me no satisfaction or appetite suppression is not okay. Throw this stupid generic birth control patch on top of it all and I'm in perma-PMS-munchie-get-everything-in-my-mouth mode.
Yes, it sounds weird and dirty, but it's the truth...
Cigarettes gave me that nasty mouth taste, the film on my teeth, the fur rug on the tongue... but it made me keep things away from my mouth... Yeah, it was gross, but I was killing myself in a more internal, pleasant way than gaining a hundred pounds and having a heart attack!
So now I'm chain vaping. But I can't chain vape right now. Because I bought this stupid Aspire Nautilus Mini with the BVC coils...with the tiny, little itty bitty holes for wicking. So I prime, and I prep, and I fiddle, and I turn the knob to the uncomfortably tight draw hole, and the voltage down so I can vape 3 times before vaping ... instead of only once with a comfortable draw...
Currently drying my iClear 16, my Tsunami crap tank, and my other Nautilus.
It's crazy. I researched so much, did so much video watching...when in reality, all I did was waste so much time!
I know it doesn't help that I have a cold right now and the easiest things to catch the taste of while vaping are either burn or menthol, or in the case of earlier as I drew close to the bottom of my Nautilus mini's tank, burning menthol...which is really weird, if you think about it...but, the bottom line is that the Tsunami and iClear both outperform the Nautilus for my specific needs.
Where is the chaining vapor...er...or...s... club!?
But I just keep telling myself: the cigarette tastes like poop, it makes me taste like poop, smoking bad, don't do it, it's cancer, it's death, it's ruining your already heavily damaged body, don't do it!
Even when I'm on the back porch and my dad is blowing clouds of sweet, delicious smelling Marlboro red smoke into the air... I tell myself it's a lie, it's my brain, it's terrible, I don't even like Marlboro reds, STAHP.
My eyes move from my MVP2, to my pack of 305's, to the Mountain Dew can, to the bottle of water, to the empty chocolate wrappers, to the clock....back to the MVP, take a drag...ugh, such butthole...mother's milk smells amazing, that second primed pull was amazing, why does it taste like burning now...my stomach is twisting...back to the 305's....back to the soda... Why am I drinking soda now, anyway? I haven't had soda in this quantity in years, and now I've got cans stacked around my desk...
That's right... I'm drinking soda because I can taste it. Because it doesn't stick to the tar in my mouth and create an unbearable film. WHICH IS BAD! BAD, I SAY! It's the same reason why there's a bottle of water up there.
The 3333000000555555555555555'sssssssssss are just staaarrriinnggg attt mmmeeeee....
Deep breaths... Smoking is bad.......smoking is bad.....
Oh? What's this? How did this 305 get in between my fingers...?
NO!
BBAACCKKKBBRREEAAAKKKEERRR!!!
<gasp, wheeze>
'Kay, it's dead.
...
There's still like 100 more of them though, lurking around every corner...trying to get me to smoke them.
Think of the children! The little voice in my head says... Think of the laptops, the keyboards, the clothing, the upholstery...the things you are saving, preserving, and helping by not smoking! It goes on and on...
Then the other one chimes in... Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow... SHUT UP I'M HAVING A SERIOUS INNER TURMOIL THING RIGHT NOW, DAMMIT!
...suddenly I feel calmer... I stop shaking my leg and rocking in my chair... Perhaps because I'm not in my chair anymore, I'm on the floor, cigarettes surrounding my body, the lighter still warm...my lungs tingle with a sensation I've almost forgotten, the unnerving clarity in my head is calmed with a numbing, cradling fog that gently runs its poisonous fingers through my hair, soothing my anxiety and quieting the hunger...
My tongue hits the top of my mouth and sticks...I swallow hard, why is it so hard to swallow all of a sudden? My heart races...beating through every pore on my body...my head pounds...
Coughing, I open my eyes to a haze of smoke above me, and look down at my right hand... <sigh> Sadness sets in...
-7 minutes since my last cigarette...
