Now it's fall...I did indeed have a vapetastic summer. I got down to 1-2 cigarettes a day, one after they went to sleep at nap time and one before bed. Then I told my husband to stop leaving a cigarette for me at naptime. I shifted to wanting one as soon as he got home but after a few weeks of that, I just vaped like crazy right before he'd get here and then vaped while making dinner and got down to one when they went to bed and one right before I did. Then I dropped off the one when they went to bed. And I held steady. Usually. Cigarettes started tasting even nastier, sometimes making me nauseous.
I went back to work at the end of August, and started smoking more (stress), but not much more. Then the husband went out of town for 4 days and I decided to have him take all his cigarettes with him. I told myself if it got really bad, I could go get a pack myself. I never did get a pack. It did get bad, but it was always after the girls were in bed asleep, so I couldn't leave. The first night I vaped so much I got a little nauseous, so I laid down and went to sleep too.
After four days, I realized I could do it. I was no longer smoking for the additives because without them, I was actually less prone to stress out, not more. I had an epiphany when I realized that. I did have a cigarette a couple of times after he got back, but I realized the stink and the likelihood of getting stressed and emotional wasn't worth it. So five days ago, I decided I'm done. I've gone stretches of 4 days, then 8 days, then 1 day, 2 days, and then I decided that is it.
Oh I still want one. But I know it will only disappoint me. It's not that I prohibit myself from having one. I am choosing to enjoy the vape instead. And if I'm not enjoying it, it's usually because I'm just tired and vaped out and need to go to sleep. So that's what I do.
Part of my enthusiasm wanes when I'm less active on the forums, or when I get unfavorable reactions in the real world. My motivation is rejuvenated whenever someone expresses interest because they too are a smoker wanting to quit without quitting...or when a nonsmoker is proud of me for switching. I've learned so much from the forums, I've assembled an arsenal of vaping supplies, and I've had some real successes with talking to people about them... but there will always be those who put it down as not "really quitting." I don't want to argue with them anymore. I've realized that's why it works for me. Because it's not really quitting. Even though for me, it took a concerted effort and will continue to require such effort for some time yet. It's not really quitting because part of me never wanted to quit smoking. I liked it, and it feels good to say that in the past tense. I may still have a cigarette at some point in the future, but I'm a vaper now. I choose to be.
I went back to work at the end of August, and started smoking more (stress), but not much more. Then the husband went out of town for 4 days and I decided to have him take all his cigarettes with him. I told myself if it got really bad, I could go get a pack myself. I never did get a pack. It did get bad, but it was always after the girls were in bed asleep, so I couldn't leave. The first night I vaped so much I got a little nauseous, so I laid down and went to sleep too.
After four days, I realized I could do it. I was no longer smoking for the additives because without them, I was actually less prone to stress out, not more. I had an epiphany when I realized that. I did have a cigarette a couple of times after he got back, but I realized the stink and the likelihood of getting stressed and emotional wasn't worth it. So five days ago, I decided I'm done. I've gone stretches of 4 days, then 8 days, then 1 day, 2 days, and then I decided that is it.
Oh I still want one. But I know it will only disappoint me. It's not that I prohibit myself from having one. I am choosing to enjoy the vape instead. And if I'm not enjoying it, it's usually because I'm just tired and vaped out and need to go to sleep. So that's what I do.
Part of my enthusiasm wanes when I'm less active on the forums, or when I get unfavorable reactions in the real world. My motivation is rejuvenated whenever someone expresses interest because they too are a smoker wanting to quit without quitting...or when a nonsmoker is proud of me for switching. I've learned so much from the forums, I've assembled an arsenal of vaping supplies, and I've had some real successes with talking to people about them... but there will always be those who put it down as not "really quitting." I don't want to argue with them anymore. I've realized that's why it works for me. Because it's not really quitting. Even though for me, it took a concerted effort and will continue to require such effort for some time yet. It's not really quitting because part of me never wanted to quit smoking. I liked it, and it feels good to say that in the past tense. I may still have a cigarette at some point in the future, but I'm a vaper now. I choose to be.
