Chapter 4: The Ants go marching one by one

Projectguy;6641921 said:

Ahhhhh.....the best time of year, Barbequing in the summer.

Just 5 months ago I had to shovel through 1 meter of snow (that’s 3 feet for the “Metrically Challenged”) to get to the “Instrument of Gluttony”. When I got to the Instrument of Gluttony I called up the theme music to “Deadliest Catch” on my Blackberry, got out my trusty fire axe and hacked away. My blows rained down on the iceberg that I’m sure was responsible for sinking the Titanic and sang like Celine Dion. 2 hours later I ordered a pizza, my wife called 911 and had me checked me into the hospital suffering from hypothermia and frostbite. She also arranged for psychiatrist but I missed the appointment.

But that was then, now it’s summer.

Everything was ready; the night before I marinated the steaks in red wine, onions and garlic. This morning I applied my secret Montreal steak spices obtained directly from the back door of Moshe’s Steakhouse, on the Main. Yummy, yummy, in my tummy.

And now it is time for me to perform the sacred sacrament of Barbeque.

• Approach the Instrument of Gluttony
• Place Lava Tube carefully on the side tablet of the Altar....post toot of course
• Lift the sacred covering (a truly erotic experience)
• Clean the remains of previous offerings
• Open the valves of the Dragons Breath
• Apply the sacred fire: spark…………..spark……….spark…spark...spark, spark, spark……….spark? Whoomph! Small nuclear explosion. Dam it, oh what the hell I won’t need to get my eyebrows and nose hairs trimmed, ever.
• The sacred flame has been re-born – set the timer for 5 minutes
• Warn Henry the Lab about trying to scarf a bone before it is time. Henry gives me the middle paw.
• With the gleaming sacred tools in hand the offerings are placed on the altar, sizzzzzle, smoke:
  • Bain to Face: “Brain to Face, Face this is Brain DO NOT ATTEMPT TO vape, I SAY AGAIN: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO vape.”
  • Lungs to Face: “If you vape that ..... I’ll cough you so hard Stomach will blow that half-digested breakfast of sausage and runny eggs right out of those singed nose holes.”
  • Stomach to Lungs: “Please, no it was going down so nice.”
  • Stomach to Face: “You know what happened the last time you vaped that ......”
  • Face to Stomach: “Yeah, shut down for a week, you had a production stoppage that lead to a backup, it cramped Lungs, Brain developed a logic fault and everybody said I looked “odd”. OK, I’ll be good!”
• Timer 2 minutes, turnover, 2 minutes, turn down the Sacred Flame, turn over the other way to get diamond pattern 4 minutes, turnover still no diamond pattern! Another 4 minutes.
• Time for the sacred consumption!!!!

2 Hours later: Tremendous!! A few solid toots would be just perfect about now. Momentary panic: “Where’s my LT? Think! Brain, search files…….. Oh yeah, its on the Altar. Seniors moment.”

Pick up, check it out admire the lines, the heft, the technology, the health benefits……………… Closer look: couple of dead ants stuck in the drip well over flow that’s always full of juice……..Improper tank filling technique, I’ve been told.

Hmmmmh, Wonder what their last moments must have been like?

Dododododo (back ground music Twilight Zone)

Ant:	“Ant to Command? Command, come in?”
Command:	“This is Command what do you want?”
Ant:	“I’m here at the base of this great big black round thing, I want to get on top of it.”
Command:	“Yeah, Yeah, your wife tells me the same thing all the time, hahahaha. Ahhhh Roger, Wilco your cleared for the assent”
	Command to a colleague:	“Who is that “Roger Wilco” guy we keep talking about?”
Ant:	“I’m climbing, and I’ve reached a buddon” (like PBusardo would say), “its pretty clicky.”
Command:	“Ahhhhhh, That’s good”
Ant:	“Okay Command, I’ve reached a ridge and I’m pulling myself over top of it. What’s this??? Command; Command, I think I’ve found the “Golden River of Nectar”. Its bootiful, and I can smell it, its wonderful”
Command:	Are you sure or are you just pulling my antenna? I’m tired of digesting solid food and puking it up for everybody.
Ant:	No .....
Command:	Did you find some of that too?
Ant:	No! What are your orders?
Command:	Load up and bring it back to the Queen!!!
Ant:	Roger that!!!!
	Command to a colleague:	“There’s another guy I don’t know”
Ant:	“Command, weapons hot, I’m going in”
	At the microscopic level a drop of the Golden Nectar moves into Ant’s stomach. PV molecules putting moves on flavour molecules and VG molecules just hanging around. Off in a corner of the perfectly spherical drop vibrates a group of dark sinister molecules of NICOTINE. They want out, they’ve got a serious buzz to give at 24 mgs they mean business. Soon the saliva of Ant’s digestive tract makes its way through the surface tension and the weak bonding PV and VG molecules of the droplet wall. The gang of NICOTINE molecules jump on the saliva already starting back into Ant’s digestive system. Ant never knew what hit him the Gang of NIC did their work and blew his mind. All of his 10 neurons and 15 synaptic pathways were flamed to a crisp.

I reach for my Lava Tube put it to my lips and hesitated for just a fraction of a second…………

Click!!!

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