I really don't like to talk about my problems simply because I feel like I... impose them on others I guess? I don't know. I just really need to vent because sometimes I'm so afraid it makes me panic.
Ever since I was born, day one, I've had medical problems. Albeit they could be worse, they still scare me. Then again, one of them could be serious but I just don't know because the doctors haven't actually found anything "off" (I'll explain that one soon). I was born with Kidney Reflux. Kidney Reflux is when there are irregularities with urine flow from the kidneys to the bladder. One of the two urethrae was not curled like it should be, and it was straight up and down, so all of the toxins getting filtered were going back into my body. Today this surgery can be corrected on infants. Back in the '87, that was basically asking for death. For six years, I had a UTI. Everytime I urinated, it felt like acid was coming out of my body. I got my operation at six years old, however the operation was the easy part. The difficult part was the testing for the Reflux. It honestly felt like someone was burning my body very slowly. I will never forget the pain, and nothing will ever compare to it. Only once in a very long while I still get UTIs but I just drink a lot of water to get rid of them.
I have a way with injuries. Sprained my ankles at least four times each, broken my arm twice (had to get surgery the second time), my hip has a hairline fracture in it from falling off my horse (he never threw me off. In fact when I fell, he stood next to me and nuzzled me. When someone at the stables went to help me, he reared up and wouldn't let them near me, so there were four people trying to distract him to get to me. Gotta love that!). That and I have a bad lower back from my bust, since the females on my Mom's side are... voluptuous in reference to the chest area . Somehow, though, nothing has been extremely serious to the point that I needed major surgeries to fix something that was injury-related.
My latest and definitely not greatest medical issue... my seizures. My first one was on my 21st birthday. Happy birthday Raynen, here's a $5000 emergency room trip. I didn't have insurance at the time, but the fun part is that literally five months later the laws changed and was able to pick up insurance from my Mom. Go figure, eh? Fast forward to Valentine's Day of last year... I'm on a date with my new boyfriend (he asked me out in Times Square, and although we're not together, I'll never forget that!) at Chili's and I drop and had a seizure. His ex-girlfriend had seizures constantly, so thankfully he knew what to do. The thing that scared me the most was the fact that I tried to quit analogs cold turkey and that probably added to the many mysterious reasons of why I have seizures in the first place. My doctor told me that "you has two bloop in system", which means he didn't find anything at ALL wrong with me (he's Russian and he's a great doctor, so I trust him, even though he's sometimes really silly). He put me on this seizure med called Keppra. The stupid stuff was so horrible that I cried and had panic attacks almost everyday. I couldn't think, breathe, function... and the worst part was that it made me chain-smoke to the point I was nearly smoking 2PAD compared to my 3/4-1PAC. I got off the meds because I was so afraid, but I really don't blame my doctor because he TOLD me that this could easily happen. Well, last February of this year, on the first, I was setting up my carts when I used 510s, and all of a sudden there were people surrounding me. I had another seizure, but it was probably my fault for stopping the meds without telling him (I kick myself in the .... everyday for that...). So, I went through the whole process again. After describing every single detail of my life, he finally narrowed it down to insomnia and trying to force my body to sleep at a time that my body doesn't agree with, which causes the insomnia. So basically, I can't sleep at "normal" times. Now I'm on Lamitrogine, a GOOD medicine that don't make me freak out and that also work to prevent seizures. The only thing is that if I drink, I get tipsy a lot quicker. He told me that this is one of the few seizure meds out there that a person can actually drink on, which I find interesting that he gave me it. He also told me that my now lack of stress (stress was also another trigger for my seizures) from switching to vaping has significantly reduced my chances of another seizure, which is something I'm beyond thankful for.
The one thing that has changed that was a big issue was my anger black-outs. I used to be the biggest ticking time bomb. If something small happened, I would FLIP OUT to the point of blacking out. I had no control over this. When I switched to vaping, I never realized that they just... stopped. I had them before smoking analogs, and when I did start they just got worse. But once I switched to vaping, it all went away. This is something that has changed my life. Vaping itself has changed my life completely, and I've met people here that are amazing beyond words, including my closest vaping friend, typocinnamongrl.
I just really needed to vent. I know a lot of people have it MUCH worse than me, so I apologize if this seems like I'm imposing or complaining. I really hope that nobody is upset for me posting this, and if so, please take it down. I'm happy to say that I am doing much better, but I still live in the darkness with the knowledge that I could easily have another seizure, lose a kidney... I just keep going and always put a smile on my face, even if it takes all of the energy in my body that I can muster.
+Raynen
Ever since I was born, day one, I've had medical problems. Albeit they could be worse, they still scare me. Then again, one of them could be serious but I just don't know because the doctors haven't actually found anything "off" (I'll explain that one soon). I was born with Kidney Reflux. Kidney Reflux is when there are irregularities with urine flow from the kidneys to the bladder. One of the two urethrae was not curled like it should be, and it was straight up and down, so all of the toxins getting filtered were going back into my body. Today this surgery can be corrected on infants. Back in the '87, that was basically asking for death. For six years, I had a UTI. Everytime I urinated, it felt like acid was coming out of my body. I got my operation at six years old, however the operation was the easy part. The difficult part was the testing for the Reflux. It honestly felt like someone was burning my body very slowly. I will never forget the pain, and nothing will ever compare to it. Only once in a very long while I still get UTIs but I just drink a lot of water to get rid of them.
I have a way with injuries. Sprained my ankles at least four times each, broken my arm twice (had to get surgery the second time), my hip has a hairline fracture in it from falling off my horse (he never threw me off. In fact when I fell, he stood next to me and nuzzled me. When someone at the stables went to help me, he reared up and wouldn't let them near me, so there were four people trying to distract him to get to me. Gotta love that!). That and I have a bad lower back from my bust, since the females on my Mom's side are... voluptuous in reference to the chest area . Somehow, though, nothing has been extremely serious to the point that I needed major surgeries to fix something that was injury-related.
My latest and definitely not greatest medical issue... my seizures. My first one was on my 21st birthday. Happy birthday Raynen, here's a $5000 emergency room trip. I didn't have insurance at the time, but the fun part is that literally five months later the laws changed and was able to pick up insurance from my Mom. Go figure, eh? Fast forward to Valentine's Day of last year... I'm on a date with my new boyfriend (he asked me out in Times Square, and although we're not together, I'll never forget that!) at Chili's and I drop and had a seizure. His ex-girlfriend had seizures constantly, so thankfully he knew what to do. The thing that scared me the most was the fact that I tried to quit analogs cold turkey and that probably added to the many mysterious reasons of why I have seizures in the first place. My doctor told me that "you has two bloop in system", which means he didn't find anything at ALL wrong with me (he's Russian and he's a great doctor, so I trust him, even though he's sometimes really silly). He put me on this seizure med called Keppra. The stupid stuff was so horrible that I cried and had panic attacks almost everyday. I couldn't think, breathe, function... and the worst part was that it made me chain-smoke to the point I was nearly smoking 2PAD compared to my 3/4-1PAC. I got off the meds because I was so afraid, but I really don't blame my doctor because he TOLD me that this could easily happen. Well, last February of this year, on the first, I was setting up my carts when I used 510s, and all of a sudden there were people surrounding me. I had another seizure, but it was probably my fault for stopping the meds without telling him (I kick myself in the .... everyday for that...). So, I went through the whole process again. After describing every single detail of my life, he finally narrowed it down to insomnia and trying to force my body to sleep at a time that my body doesn't agree with, which causes the insomnia. So basically, I can't sleep at "normal" times. Now I'm on Lamitrogine, a GOOD medicine that don't make me freak out and that also work to prevent seizures. The only thing is that if I drink, I get tipsy a lot quicker. He told me that this is one of the few seizure meds out there that a person can actually drink on, which I find interesting that he gave me it. He also told me that my now lack of stress (stress was also another trigger for my seizures) from switching to vaping has significantly reduced my chances of another seizure, which is something I'm beyond thankful for.
The one thing that has changed that was a big issue was my anger black-outs. I used to be the biggest ticking time bomb. If something small happened, I would FLIP OUT to the point of blacking out. I had no control over this. When I switched to vaping, I never realized that they just... stopped. I had them before smoking analogs, and when I did start they just got worse. But once I switched to vaping, it all went away. This is something that has changed my life. Vaping itself has changed my life completely, and I've met people here that are amazing beyond words, including my closest vaping friend, typocinnamongrl.
I just really needed to vent. I know a lot of people have it MUCH worse than me, so I apologize if this seems like I'm imposing or complaining. I really hope that nobody is upset for me posting this, and if so, please take it down. I'm happy to say that I am doing much better, but I still live in the darkness with the knowledge that I could easily have another seizure, lose a kidney... I just keep going and always put a smile on my face, even if it takes all of the energy in my body that I can muster.
+Raynen
