"The less you own, the less someone can take away from you. This is the height of what Nietzsche calls the height of slave morality." Robert Solomon
That's what's playing on Itunes as I sit down to write here for the first time. The thing's been running all day in between work, school, tennis, and dinner with friends. Originally I wanted to write something funny...
I haven't written without smoking before, and I just stood up and got a lighter out of my pocket intending to find an analog and light it, sat back down again, and took a vape of 555. I've got to change what I'm listening to back to music. Man of Action - Matthew Good. He might be a bit over dramatic for some listeners, but the sonic valleys and peaks of his music are euphoria to me.
I quit smoking for the second time on 10/10/10, having a brief relapse to analogs due to being a 2 PAD smoker and only having a Blu kit to rely on until my EGO got here. I asked my closest friend tonight if he was angry with me about anything. He said no, not at all, and wondered why I had thought so. My only explanation is that over the past couple of weeks I feel like I've already made dramatic changes in my life. I feel like I've almost entered a new social class.
I shook my head, and laughed. My voice cracked a little. It's changing too. There's a touch of perceived social stigma, and freedom. I thought I was always going to be someone who was slightly looked down on for their own self destructiveness. Internally or externally, or whatever. vaping has already given me some sort of foothold, perhaps onto the side of a mountain, or the rung of a ladder. The ladder has some paint on it, that's for sure, but perhaps where I'd been standing for 19 years had turned into a psychic grave.
I was reading Norman Mailer's On God: An Uncommon Conversation, a few months back, and the most striking thing he said in the entire book to me was that "Smokers don't want to be close to themselves." He was remarking on what it felt like to quit smoking, and his thoughts afterwards. From my previous attempts at quitting, that sentence intrigued me. It still does.
What have I neglected about myself for 19 years? What places have I barred myself from internally or externally? What social perceptions have I internalized? What has addiction itself, regardless of substance, done to me in this case? Is this different? I'd have to say yes.
The rest of those questions will have to be questions for later. I think I'm going to have to get one of those hats that hold a beer can on each side, and put a juice box auto-feeder with an automatic battery in one side, and some water in the other for writing sessions.
Tennis burned my lungs tonight. After playing two games I sat down on the green asphalt and eventually used my PV. There was no burn. I remember what would happen if I smoked after doing that. I would have been coughing my head off, but not with this. It seems to be just my lungs clearing out.
The radio says, "I've become spectacular, which is strange because I feel dumb."
In other news I introduced one of my friends with some financial problems to vaping, and this message board. I told her how much money she could save, and I'm pretty sure she's going to give it a shot.
There's nothing to do tomorrow except go to a hobby store and find stuff to make a shrine for one of my classes. It's going to be a shrine to sleep. A bed, a door, a picture of Freud, a dream catcher, some wire, and someone, and some things to float up and around the little cigar box shrine. Oh, and I can't forget Descartes and Lucretius represented in some form leading the way up the lid.
It feels good to let some things go, and rest.
That's what's playing on Itunes as I sit down to write here for the first time. The thing's been running all day in between work, school, tennis, and dinner with friends. Originally I wanted to write something funny...
I haven't written without smoking before, and I just stood up and got a lighter out of my pocket intending to find an analog and light it, sat back down again, and took a vape of 555. I've got to change what I'm listening to back to music. Man of Action - Matthew Good. He might be a bit over dramatic for some listeners, but the sonic valleys and peaks of his music are euphoria to me.
I quit smoking for the second time on 10/10/10, having a brief relapse to analogs due to being a 2 PAD smoker and only having a Blu kit to rely on until my EGO got here. I asked my closest friend tonight if he was angry with me about anything. He said no, not at all, and wondered why I had thought so. My only explanation is that over the past couple of weeks I feel like I've already made dramatic changes in my life. I feel like I've almost entered a new social class.
I shook my head, and laughed. My voice cracked a little. It's changing too. There's a touch of perceived social stigma, and freedom. I thought I was always going to be someone who was slightly looked down on for their own self destructiveness. Internally or externally, or whatever. vaping has already given me some sort of foothold, perhaps onto the side of a mountain, or the rung of a ladder. The ladder has some paint on it, that's for sure, but perhaps where I'd been standing for 19 years had turned into a psychic grave.
I was reading Norman Mailer's On God: An Uncommon Conversation, a few months back, and the most striking thing he said in the entire book to me was that "Smokers don't want to be close to themselves." He was remarking on what it felt like to quit smoking, and his thoughts afterwards. From my previous attempts at quitting, that sentence intrigued me. It still does.
What have I neglected about myself for 19 years? What places have I barred myself from internally or externally? What social perceptions have I internalized? What has addiction itself, regardless of substance, done to me in this case? Is this different? I'd have to say yes.
The rest of those questions will have to be questions for later. I think I'm going to have to get one of those hats that hold a beer can on each side, and put a juice box auto-feeder with an automatic battery in one side, and some water in the other for writing sessions.
Tennis burned my lungs tonight. After playing two games I sat down on the green asphalt and eventually used my PV. There was no burn. I remember what would happen if I smoked after doing that. I would have been coughing my head off, but not with this. It seems to be just my lungs clearing out.
The radio says, "I've become spectacular, which is strange because I feel dumb."
In other news I introduced one of my friends with some financial problems to vaping, and this message board. I told her how much money she could save, and I'm pretty sure she's going to give it a shot.
There's nothing to do tomorrow except go to a hobby store and find stuff to make a shrine for one of my classes. It's going to be a shrine to sleep. A bed, a door, a picture of Freud, a dream catcher, some wire, and someone, and some things to float up and around the little cigar box shrine. Oh, and I can't forget Descartes and Lucretius represented in some form leading the way up the lid.
It feels good to let some things go, and rest.
