Since I am relatively new to this whole scene, I started my search for information around vaping and quitting analogs. I stumbled across ECF, and found a home! More on that in a bit.
I have tried qutting analogs for some time now. I have taken Chantix, the patch, the gum, other drugs that I am forgetting right now (most with just this side of disastrous consequences), cold turkey, hot turkey (made that up), and just about anything else I could think of or discover. The longest I ever made it was with Chantix. I have to say that it worked really well - but the side effects were... I guess I would not say disastrous, more akin to hopeless dispair.
Chantix hit me like a ton of depressed mopey will sapping bricks. Not immediately mind you - first was the physiological not the psychological (also physiological I suppose). The first side effects was the dry heaves/put head over the toilet/sink whatever as I would get this coppery/metallic taste in my mouth immediately after taking one first thing in the morning. Woohoo! Coffee? Check! Pill that makes you ill? Check! lol - but I kept taking it because... it worked! I found my cravings dropping off, and could be around smoke/smokers and not have issue with it - not even desire a cig. But then the depression started, and I remember the following clearly:
I had taken my dose for the first part of the day on a saturday. I remember looking outside, thinking that it was a nice day - perhaps a motorcycle ride? Something fun outside for sure! Get the wife up and we could hit the mountains! Within minutes, I fealt something horribly oppressive. I dont know how to explain it other than... why? why anything? I found myself sitting on the kitchen floor, desolate of all emotion other than ... not sure, a blackness? No, a blackness would have been something.. A blank. Pure absence of anything other than a feeling of why. Why even bother moving? Why bother with anything? It was all such a waste - who cares... I sure didn't.
After I dont know how long, my wife came in and found me sitting on the kitchen floor staring off into nowhere. Somehow at least 2 hours had passed, I had not moved, only spiraled deeper into whatever it was that going on. I remember her concern, but much beyond that for that day is a curtain that i cant quite draw back to reveal whatever play that was performing that day.
Several days after that, the up to then hidden memory of that time came back in force, and revealed all that I just shared (and more) about it. Sadly, during this time, other events such as this came back to memory as well, and I realized that I was heading somewhere not just black - but very alone and very wrong. My wife was, and still is, the most amazing thing in my life - she supported me through all of this, offered encouragement , and ultimately grace and strength for whatever I decided.
I unfortunately (fortunately?) went back to smoking - nothing was worth that hell I was going through, nonetheless the absence of my .. being? That may be too strong, but it was as if something had taken a part of me and hidden it - and I decided I wanted that part back to say the least, and wanted to be not such a burden for my love. She was not happy that I started smoking (yet again! I can understand that...) but she still supported me in only the way a woman of strength can.
So all of that intimate detail shared - for why? I wanted to give a little background to my journey, and why I am doing part of what I am doing now. So back to the first part - I found ECF!
After a few days of rummaging around this immense site, I found PIF - what a great concept, and something that resonates with me - it is something that I have always believed in.
I have "met" some great folks there - such a great community! As a way to serve, and to PIF, I started out a feeler thread to see if I could PIF by building folks stuff that they may not have the ability to do themselves. Through this, I have been able to serve folks and help them in their path in some small way. I look forward to helping many more!
Sure, I still struggle, but I have a great group of folks that offer support when needed, and I see the great success many have had. And in doing so, I can help other folks in their journey as well.
I wanted to share the above to offer a bit of information about me, and for part of the reason of why I am doing what I am. Its not huge, but it is what I can do right now.
Thanks for reading - Blessings to you all on your journey!
-B94Cast
(B9)Benign (4Cast)Forecast
I have tried qutting analogs for some time now. I have taken Chantix, the patch, the gum, other drugs that I am forgetting right now (most with just this side of disastrous consequences), cold turkey, hot turkey (made that up), and just about anything else I could think of or discover. The longest I ever made it was with Chantix. I have to say that it worked really well - but the side effects were... I guess I would not say disastrous, more akin to hopeless dispair.
Chantix hit me like a ton of depressed mopey will sapping bricks. Not immediately mind you - first was the physiological not the psychological (also physiological I suppose). The first side effects was the dry heaves/put head over the toilet/sink whatever as I would get this coppery/metallic taste in my mouth immediately after taking one first thing in the morning. Woohoo! Coffee? Check! Pill that makes you ill? Check! lol - but I kept taking it because... it worked! I found my cravings dropping off, and could be around smoke/smokers and not have issue with it - not even desire a cig. But then the depression started, and I remember the following clearly:
I had taken my dose for the first part of the day on a saturday. I remember looking outside, thinking that it was a nice day - perhaps a motorcycle ride? Something fun outside for sure! Get the wife up and we could hit the mountains! Within minutes, I fealt something horribly oppressive. I dont know how to explain it other than... why? why anything? I found myself sitting on the kitchen floor, desolate of all emotion other than ... not sure, a blackness? No, a blackness would have been something.. A blank. Pure absence of anything other than a feeling of why. Why even bother moving? Why bother with anything? It was all such a waste - who cares... I sure didn't.
After I dont know how long, my wife came in and found me sitting on the kitchen floor staring off into nowhere. Somehow at least 2 hours had passed, I had not moved, only spiraled deeper into whatever it was that going on. I remember her concern, but much beyond that for that day is a curtain that i cant quite draw back to reveal whatever play that was performing that day.
Several days after that, the up to then hidden memory of that time came back in force, and revealed all that I just shared (and more) about it. Sadly, during this time, other events such as this came back to memory as well, and I realized that I was heading somewhere not just black - but very alone and very wrong. My wife was, and still is, the most amazing thing in my life - she supported me through all of this, offered encouragement , and ultimately grace and strength for whatever I decided.
I unfortunately (fortunately?) went back to smoking - nothing was worth that hell I was going through, nonetheless the absence of my .. being? That may be too strong, but it was as if something had taken a part of me and hidden it - and I decided I wanted that part back to say the least, and wanted to be not such a burden for my love. She was not happy that I started smoking (yet again! I can understand that...) but she still supported me in only the way a woman of strength can.
So all of that intimate detail shared - for why? I wanted to give a little background to my journey, and why I am doing part of what I am doing now. So back to the first part - I found ECF!
After a few days of rummaging around this immense site, I found PIF - what a great concept, and something that resonates with me - it is something that I have always believed in.
I have "met" some great folks there - such a great community! As a way to serve, and to PIF, I started out a feeler thread to see if I could PIF by building folks stuff that they may not have the ability to do themselves. Through this, I have been able to serve folks and help them in their path in some small way. I look forward to helping many more!
Sure, I still struggle, but I have a great group of folks that offer support when needed, and I see the great success many have had. And in doing so, I can help other folks in their journey as well.
I wanted to share the above to offer a bit of information about me, and for part of the reason of why I am doing what I am. Its not huge, but it is what I can do right now.
Thanks for reading - Blessings to you all on your journey!
-B94Cast
(B9)Benign (4Cast)Forecast
