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[AG51]

A lawyer boarded a Jetstar flight in Perth Australia, with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in Sydney , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in Perth, please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up ... so she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folk think.

 

[AG51]

NOTICE:: you can all tell as many jokes as you like, there is no set limit.

OMGAWDS ! Thanks fer tellin me now Bad !

 

[dannoman]

Lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

two texans were having lunch at their favorite
restaurant when they noticed
a young woman at the next table having trouble
breathing.

One of the texans got up, walked over to her table,
took her face in his big
texan hands and said, "kin ya swaller?" she shook
her head 'no.' "kin ya
breathe?" again she shakes her head 'no.'

the texan grabs her around the waist with one of his
big texan hands, turns
her over, pulls up her skirt, pulls down her panties
and licks her right on
the bottom! Of course the young woman was so shocked
that she coughed
causing the food to dislodge. The big texan pulls
up her panties, pulls
down her skirt, turns her right side up, tips his
hat and returns to his seat.
His companion is sitting there stunned. "i have
never seen anything like
that in my whole life!" he says to his heroic
friend. The hero replies,
"yeah, i tell ya, that hind lick maneuver works
every time!"

 

[AG51]

Driver's License
A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
'Mommy,’ the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'
'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied. 'It's not polite.'
'OK', the little girl says,
'How much do you weigh?'
'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'
Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'
'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
'My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.
'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are. You are 32.'
The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?
'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.' The mother is past surprised and shocked now. 'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'
'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,
'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'
'Oh really?' the mother asks. ‘Why?'
'Because you got an F in sex.'

 

[AG51]

Lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

[AG51]

Okays, I done spaming da game. Most of what I habe left will gets me bammed from ecf

 

[CcaT]

 

[oldbikeguy]

I'm sure you can imagine?
As plain as can be
The place is Piccadilly
The players He and She.

She whispered "will it hurt me?"
"Of course not" answered he
"It's a very simple process,
You can rely on me."

She said "I'm very frightened,
I've not had this before.
My friend has had it five times
And said it can be sore".

Then finally contended
Lay back and relax a bit
Quickly and readily he bent over her
And then he started it.

It was growing rather painful
Tears formed in her eyes
It was hurting quite a bit now
It must have been quite a size.

"Calm yourself" he whispered
His face was filled with a grin
"Try and open a bit wider
o I can get it in".

"It's coming now" he whispered
"I know" she cried in bliss
Feeling it deep within her now
She said "I am glad I am having this".

And with a final effort
She gave a frightened shout
He gripped it in anguish
And quickly pulled it out.

She lay back quite contented
Sighed and gave a smile
She said "I'm glad I came now
You made it worth my while".




Now if you read this carefully
The dentist you will find
Is not what you imagined
It's just your dirty mind

 

[mattiem]

Since I am the quiet one mostly just sitting over in the corner laughing at everyone elses jokes I will continue on as usual and look forward to a lot of laughs.

 

[Lauralie]

I'm not playing but:

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."
So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, ‘intelligence'?"
The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!"
The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."

 

[therussellv]

A guy goes to a psychiatrist, says 'doc I've been having a strange dream, one night I'll dream im a tee pee, next night I'll dream im a wig wahm.
The psychiatrist says 'that's easy, your too tense'

Last stinkie Oct. 15, 2013

 

[NGAHaze]

Now if you read this carefully
The dentist you will find
Is not what you imagined
It's just your dirty mind

I'm pretty sure that weren't no dentist ...

 

[VapingTurtle]

Two elderly couples had a very nice dinner together at one of the couples home. After dinner the women went off to the kitchen to cleanup and the two old geezers sat around the dinner table chatting.

Sam: "Oy, that was such a good dinner!"
Sid: "Ya know, we went out to that new restaurant down on Castor Ave. this past week and, oy, that was a fabulous meal."
Sam: "Oh, yeah, I heard of that place... what's its name?..."
Sid: "Ya know, I can't remember... what was its name... ... I can't think of it... ... What's the name of that flower?"
Sam: "What flower? A Carnation?"
Sid: "No, no, the one you give to your girlfriend, like on a date or a special time?"
Sam: "I donno, an Orchid?"
Sid: "No, no, you know, the red one."
Sam: "A Rose??"
Sid: "That's it!! A Rose!"
Sid turns to the kitchen and shouts, "Rose, what was the name of that good restaurant we went to last week????"

 

[therussellv]

Two guys walk into a bar, you'd think the second one would have ducked.

Last stinkie Oct. 15, 2013

 

[olwildbill]

...........................

 

[therussellv]

A nun, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar, the bartender says 'what is this, a joke?'

Last stinkie Oct. 15, 2013

 

[AG51]

Two elderly couples had a very nice dinner together at one of the couples home. After dinner the women went off to the kitchen to cleanup and the two old geezers sat around the dinner table chatting.

Sam: "Oy, that was such a good dinner!"
Sid: "Ya know, we went out to that new restaurant down on Castor Ave. this past week and, oy, that was a fabulous meal."
Sam: "Oh, yeah, I heard of that place... what's its name?..."
Sid: "Ya know, I can't remember... what was its name... ... I can't think of it... ... What's the name of that flower?"
Sam: "What flower? A Carnation?"
Sid: "No, no, the one you give to your girlfriend, like on a date or a special time?"
Sam: "I donno, an Orchid?"
Sid: "No, no, you know, the red one."
Sam: "A Rose??"
Sid: "That's it!! A Rose!"
Sid turns to the kitchen and shouts, "Rose, what was the name of that good restaurant we went to last week????"

sounds like my ole man

 

[AG51]

View attachment 299532 ...........................

dats a Kritta joke !

 

[AG51]

Goodnites eberybodys frum my deli sammich beds

behabe and be happys

 

[olwildbill]

Hey Snowbird, my grandson this weekend