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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe, call in sick tomorrow.
Have you ever been talking to someone with a lazy eye and thought, crap, which eye do I look at?
Quote (unknown).
"I think Congressmen should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers so we could identify their corporate sponsors."
"I think Congressmen should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers so we could identify their corporate sponsors."
The good news: For the first time in 15 years, I can actually bend down and touch my toes.
The bad news: It's not my fingers touching my toes!
The bad news: It's not my fingers touching my toes!
... and Presidents too. Maybe they should design a new Presidential seal each term. Rename the white house too every term.
"and now, live from the Proctor & Gamble White House, the President of the United States."
.... Although I will admit curiosity.... I am not sure I wanta see that. 
Dear God, "Please help me to keep my words sweet."
That way, when I have to eat them, they won't be so hard to swallow.
Thank you, Me.
That way, when I have to eat them, they won't be so hard to swallow.
Thank you, Me.
Today's weather will be somewhere between -50 and 100 degrees Celsius, with a chance of sun, wind, snow, rain, hail, sleet, or tornadoes. I'm never wrong.
Grrr, if a certain someone doesn't stop being a major proctodynia, they will find themselves diagnosed with a nasty rhinorrhea!!! God I love medical terminology class 
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