GotVapes Weekly: Come play with us. New Game every week!
- Thread starter keelalagirl55
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A tourist goes into a bar, and there's a dog sitting in a chair, playing poker. He says, "Is that dog really playing poker?" And the bartender says, "Yeah, but he's not too good. Whenever he has a good hand, he starts wagging his tail."
A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.
After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair — given that you are blind — that you should know five things:
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.
After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair — given that you are blind — that you should know five things:
- The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
- The bouncer is a blonde girl.
- I’m a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
- The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
- The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe and he says, "A beer for me, and one for my giraffe." They stand around drinking for hours until finally the giraffe passes out on the floor and the guy pays the tab and gets up to leave. "Hey! You're not going to leave that lyin' on the floor, are you?" "That's not a lion. It's a giraffe."
Guy goes into a bar and over the bar is a sign that reads,
"Make the horse laugh. Drink free all night"
The guys orders a beer and walks to the horse and whispers in it's ear. The horse rolls on the floor laughing.
The next week the guys goes back to the bar.This time the sign says,
"Make the horse cry, drink free all night"
The guys orders a beer and walks to the horse and drops his pants. The horse starts sobbing and falls to the floor.
Later that night when the bar is getting ready to close the bartender ask" Hey buddy how did you make the horse laugh and cry?"
The guy replys"Well, last week I told the horse I was bigger then he was. This week I showed him I was."
"Make the horse laugh. Drink free all night"
The guys orders a beer and walks to the horse and whispers in it's ear. The horse rolls on the floor laughing.
The next week the guys goes back to the bar.This time the sign says,
"Make the horse cry, drink free all night"
The guys orders a beer and walks to the horse and drops his pants. The horse starts sobbing and falls to the floor.
Later that night when the bar is getting ready to close the bartender ask" Hey buddy how did you make the horse laugh and cry?"
The guy replys"Well, last week I told the horse I was bigger then he was. This week I showed him I was."
True story of my evening tonight...
So, I needed to park close to the gym where we were streaming the graduation, in case I needed to make a quick run back to campus to get something.
Coworker: Are you sure you can park there? It says "VIP Parking"
Me: Yep, I'm a VIP.
Coworker: You're a VIP?
Me: Sure. Want me to show you my VIP-ness?
So, I needed to park close to the gym where we were streaming the graduation, in case I needed to make a quick run back to campus to get something.
Coworker: Are you sure you can park there? It says "VIP Parking"
Me: Yep, I'm a VIP.
Coworker: You're a VIP?
Me: Sure. Want me to show you my VIP-ness?
A guy walks into a bar, and he has a drink. He looks in his pocket, and orders another drink, looks in his pocket, and orders another drink, looks in his pocket, and orders another drink, and so on. And the bartender says, "What are you doing; what's in your pocket?" And the guy said, " It's a picture of my wife; when she starts looking good to me, I know it's time to go home."
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