Holiday Contest!
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Since i don't need any more "stuff" for Christmas, every year I ask for birdseed, peanuts, corn and so I get to feed the birds and deer every day during winter. They all know when it's CHRISTMAS around here!
Office Holiday Memo
To: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season
Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).
Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged.
Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden (it runs up an incredible long distance bill)
Work requests are not to be filed under Bah humbug.
Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandmas house.
All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.
Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.
In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday.
To: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season
Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).
Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged.
Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden (it runs up an incredible long distance bill)
Work requests are not to be filed under Bah humbug.
Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandmas house.
All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.
Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.
In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday.
If I make juice that tastes like Fruitcake, and give it to someone, would it be "re-gifted" to someone else, ad infinitum, like a real fruitcake sometimes is? I think somewhere, there's a fruitcake tin from 1953 that's never been opened.
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other were their looks. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.
Just to see what would happen, on Christmas day their father loaded the pessimist’s room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist’s room he loaded with horse manure.
That night the father passed by the pessimist’s room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.
“Why are you crying?” the father asked.
“Because my friends will be jealous, I’ll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I’ll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken.” answered the pessimist twin.
Passing the optimist twin’s room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. “What are you so happy about?” he asked.
To which his optimist twin replied, “There’s got to be a pony in here somewhere!”
Just to see what would happen, on Christmas day their father loaded the pessimist’s room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist’s room he loaded with horse manure.
That night the father passed by the pessimist’s room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.
“Why are you crying?” the father asked.
“Because my friends will be jealous, I’ll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I’ll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken.” answered the pessimist twin.
Passing the optimist twin’s room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. “What are you so happy about?” he asked.
To which his optimist twin replied, “There’s got to be a pony in here somewhere!”
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