Is getting old considered a chronic condition?

[jj2]

Well, I'm only half joking.
Getting older is the pits.
After tuning 40 things keep sagging or falling apart.
The only thing to be thankful for is having a mind that doesn't realize you're about to draw Social Security.

THE ART OF FALLING APART

There's quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
And life doesn't begin at 40. That's a big fat lie.
My hair's getting thinner, my body is not;
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.
I smell of Vick's-Vapo-Rub, not Chanel # 5;
My new pacemaker's all that keeps me alive.
When asked of my past, every detail I'll know,
But what was I doing 10 minutes ago?
Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I'm off to read the obituary, like I do every day;
If my names not there, I'll once again start -
Perfecting the art of falling apart.
The Art Of Falling Apart. -. Jokes-Funnies.com

 

[jj2]

Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home.
“Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60-year-old. “You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out.”
“Ah, that’s nothin’,” said the 70-year-old. “When you’re seventy, you can’t even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin’ comes out!”
“Actually,” said the 80-year-old, “eighty is the worst age of all.”
“Do you have trouble ...... too?” asked the 60-year-old.
“No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock: no problem at all.” said the 80-year-old.
“Do you have trouble crapping?” asked the 70-year-old. “No, I crap every morning at 6:30.” the older man responded.
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, “Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what’s so tough about being 80?”
“I don’t wake up until 7:00!”

No comments yet!

 

[suddenly]

That was a good one!! I actually did laugh out loud

You are not suffering from old age, your just a baby if your in your 40s' My daughter who just turned 41 is getting married for the 1st time. (We tried to talk her out of it. Even her younger sister) She wanted to be single forever. She is extremly independent. But she found a guy even she couldn't turn down.

My 40's were great too. Had a ball. 50s' not so much. Made the mistake of getting married again. (lasted 4mos) Dated for 6yrs after my husband passed and then found out he was a perv. $400,000. in sex phone calls. And to think he told me he had a low libito. NOT!
Then I had a spinal cord lesion from MS and gone down hill since. My sense of humor has saved me many times.

Still can't believe you think your old at 40. I only wish I was 40 again. Count your blessings.

 

[jj2]

Took this from a friend on Facebook.

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray Lord don't let my bladder leak.
If I should pee before I wake, don't let my bowels make the same mistake.
Amen.

 

[jj2]

LADY'S YEARLY EXAM

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical.
The nurse started with certain basics.

"How much do you weigh?" she asked.
"135," I said.
The nurse put me on the scale.

It turns out my weight is 180.

The nurse asked, "Your height?"
"5 foot 4," I said.
The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5' 2"

She then took my blood pressure and told me that it is very high.

"Of course it's high!" I screamed, 'When I came in here I
was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"

She put me on Prozac.

What a