I have traversed many roads in my life. Some were roads that led me to good while others led me to bad. As I look back to my youth, I can't help but remember one road in particular I traveled, for it was one such road I still to this day regret going down. That was the road that led me to smoking.
To better explain my story, I must first remember back, and then take you all with me into my future for a brief visit. My past was a time when ignorance and innocence were often the same entities. A time when skin-tight jeans and big hair were the fashion norm's. A time when every guy wanted to be Don Johnson, and every girl wanted to be Madonna. A time when 'cell phones' were the size of shoe boxes with 15' antennas you had to hang out the window. A time when...well, you get the picture! Yep, the world sure was a different place back then...
...a flash and the sudden crash of thunder was enough to cause the small boy to fall back on to his heels. The window glass where the young boy had pressed his face firmly against just moments earlier continued to vibrate long after the thunder had passed. "Boy," came the voice of an elderly fellow from the adjacent room, "get away from that window and come talk to your grandpa for a bit!" With a reluctant sigh and a roll of his eyes, the small child force walked into the family room and loudly plopped down upon the sofa, arms crossed in front of him. Across from him nestled into the folds of a large recliner sat an elderly man every bit of eighty years, with a bald head and white goatee. Within his hands he fumbled with a short slender instrument that he would occasionally place up to his nose and coyly smile afterwards.
"Grandpa, what is that?" the boy asked, curiously. "Huh?" the grandfather responded as he looked up to meet the puzzled gaze of his grandson. "Oh, this?" as he held up the slender instrument, "You know what this is boy. It is granddad's medicine." His explanation did little to sway his grandson's puzzled stare.
"Medicine for what though grandpa?" asked the child, his face still twisted in confusion. The elderly man beamed a warm smile to the boy. "It is medicine to keep me from smoking son." The small boy's face turned to instant disgust. "Smoking?! Yuck! You smoke grandpa?!" Before he even got a chance to explain, the young boy began to rock back and forth upon his seat and make sounds of disgust.
"No, no, no child, grandpa doesn't smoke! Not anymore..." he quickly responded trying to ease his grandson, and it seemed to work. The child once again held still and then leaned in closer, "Soooo, you use to smoke? Why? When? Does mom know you smoked grandpa? Do..." the boy's flowing stream of questions was ended by a loud chuckle from the old man.
"Yes yes, she know's I use to smoke, but I quit even before she was born, which means it was way before you were as well." a wink from the man unarmed the child and a grin pierced his young lips. "Grandpa was much younger back then. The world was a different place." Excitedly, the young boy began to rock back and forth upon the sofa he sat upon, "Tell me the story grandpa! What was it like? Why did you smoke? Did you have video games back then? Were there Turtles? Did you..." again the old man cut him short with a frantic wave of his hand,
"Slow down son, your going too fast for grandpa! Now then, I will make you a deal. If grandpa tells you the story, afterwards you will go to bed without a fuss. Deal?" asked the man.
"Okay, deal!" exclaimed the boy as he stood and with one leap landed upon his grandfather's lap. "Umph!" writhed the old man, "Your almost too big to be doing that to poor old grandpa now!" a soft pat on the child's back and a quick hug began the tale.
"Okay lets see here, well...I was about fourteen years old the first time I tried smoking, and boy was it gross! But it made me feel older; cooler in those days, and boy was your grandpa cool!" a look down to the expressionless look upon his grandchild's face quickly siphoned away his grin. "Ahem, anyways...I remember I was over at my friend Jason's house and we were sitting in his bedroom listening to W.A.S.P. playing on his tape player, when..." a quick tug upon his sleeve brought his attention down to the small boy in his lap.
"Did it sting you grandpa?" the child asked with youthful sincerity. "Did what sting me?" the man asked. "The wasp grandpa! Did it sting you? I got stung on my elbow once and it hurt!" the young boy began pointing to his elbow while all his grandfather could do was laugh. "No no, it wasn't the kind of wasp that can sting you, grandpa was talking about a rock band named W.A.S.P. that was very popular back when I was a boy." Once again, the young boy chimed in, "Rock Band?! You had Rock Band back then grandpa? I got Rock Band XXXVIII for Christmas last year! Will you play it with me? Please, please, please!" the boy exclaimed to his grandfather over and over. All the elderly man could do was shake his head.
"Do you want me to tell you this story or not?" he asked. "Uh huh!" the boy responded. "Then you have to be quiet so I can, okay?" The young boy nodded and settled back into his grandfather's chest once more.
"Good, now, where was I? Ah! So anyways, my friend Jason and I were sitting around in his room listening to music when Jason opened up a dresser drawer and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one up. Instantly the room filled with the stench of cigarette smoke and I began to fan the air with my hand. After a couple of puffs, Jason held out the pack towards me and told me to take one. I laughed and shook my head, dismissing the gesture, but Jason wouldn't let it go at that. He began teasing me; calling me names, calling me weak, laughing at me. So finally after awhile I took one out of his pack, placed it in my mouth, then lit it up." he stated as he paused to look down at his grandson still nestled intently in his lap.
"Then what happened grandpa?" the child asked, eager to find out. "Well, I coughed, a lot!" he responded as he began to mimic phantom coughs that sent the child into a fit of laughter. "It was the worst taste I had ever experienced up until that point, it was just plain awful! But, after the coughing settled down, I continued to take little puffs here and there, just enough to keep Jason from teasing me any further. It worked too, for awhile."
A puzzled look came over the boy's face. "Why did you keep smoking if you hated it so bad?" he asked, curious. The old man once again looked down to his grandson, "Well, I started to get use to the taste after awhile and it made your grandpa feel older when he would do it, and it made me feel like I fit in more with my friends, you see?" he asked, but the child simply shook his head quietly. "Yeah well, your too young to understand these things yet. Anyways I hadn't started smoking at that time yet, I would only do it around my friends. It wasn't until I was eighteen when I bought my first pack of cigarettes from the store. I didn't want to let my parents know I smoked so I kept it secret, secret from even my friends. No one knew I smoked for many years afterwards. Your great grandma and grandpa had passed away without ever knowing my little secret. I felt ashamed to ever tell them. I felt like I would have let them down and I didn't want to do that, ever! It was a strange time for grandpa indeed." the old man drifted away into a few moments of quiet thought.
"And?" came a little voice from his lap, "Then what?" The old man snapped his attention back and looked into the boy's eyes, "Well, after many years of secretly smoking, I began to get careless as one does when they do something for so long, so my secret didn't stay secret any longer. Your cousin Stacey was the first to learn that I smoked because we were the closest growing up, then my friends and girlfriends began to find out, then your great uncles, then I stopped trying to hide it altogether. I was glad that after nearly thirteen years of smoking in secret that I could finally not worry about it anymore. It was a relief. But then the real problems began to set in..."
The boy perked up upon his lap and asked, "What problems grandpa? Did you get in trouble?" A hearty smile issued forth from the elderly man, "Oh yes, grandpa was in a lot of trouble! Since I didn't have to hide it any longer, I began to find myself smoking more and more. I smoked everywhere I wanted to, when I wanted to. Then I began to wake up in the middle of the night, coughing. Grandpa began to get tired more quickly and run out of breath easily. I tried to quit smoking many times because I knew it was hurting me, but I just couldn't do it no matter what. Grandpa felt trapped in a vicious cycle and I began to hate myself for ever starting. I..." another tug at his arm sent his gaze downward to his grandchild.
Don't hate yourself grandpa, I still love you!" The old man's heart felt like it could melt. After a nice long hug, the young boy pulled away from his embrace and asked, "Is that when you found your medicine grandpa?"
With a nod and a smile, the old man lifted his grandson to his feet and then walked over to a small wooden box upon the mantle and opened it up. From within the box he pulled out a black cigarette-sized device and walked over to the young boy who continued to look on. "I bought this when I was just thirty-eight years old, older than what your mother is right now." he stated as he let his eyes wander over the device. "This thing saved your grandpa's life." The boy's eyes lit up like magical lights. "It is good medicine huh grandpa?" he asked excitedly. The old man smiled and knelt down on to one knee, "The best medicine!" the old man exclaimed as he softly grabbed a hold of his grandson's shoulder, "Without this, grandpa could have never stopped smoking and you and I wouldn't be here right now. Smoking was one of the worst mistakes I had ever made, but this..." as he held the device up in front of the boy's face, "Was one of the best decisions I had ever made. It has been many years ago now since I last used this here, but I have kept it all this time to remind me of what all this has given me. It gave me your mom, it gave me you, and it gave me my life."
A few short moments passed into silence before he spoke again, "Do you understand what grandpa is trying to tell you? Son, there is going to come a time in your life when others will try an convince you to do things you know in your heart to be wrong. Have the courage to not give in no matter what. Don't be like grandpa when he was a boy. Your stronger than grandpa, can you remember that?"
After a quick moment, the young boy nodded and wrapped his arms around his grandfather's neck. "Good, now go on and get ready for bed. Remember our agreement, no fuss." the boy turned and began to walk away. As he got to the bottom of the stairs, he looked back to his grandfather for the last time that night and said, "Thanks for the story grandpa. I am glad you didn't die. Don't worry, I will never smoke, yuck!" and with that the child made his way up the stairs. A soft chuckle escaped from the old man as he looked down to the device he still held between his fingers and then sighed. "I hope so son, I really hope so. I remember saying the same thing too..."
), not having to walk out to my car and drive outside the fence at the Ethanol Plant where I work in the winter, when it is freezing outside, just to have a smoke. I don't mind flying anymore, because it's easy to vape undetected in the airports and all the wonderful health benefits that come from vaping instead of smoking!
, counselled me that smoking would help cure those cravings. Well, he was right, it did, I lost some of the weight but started a 29 year habit I found unbreakable. Mt father ended up dying at 47 of a massive heart attack, he missed a lot of my bro and sis's lives, too, but he never got to see my son, it kills me constantly........
When you smoke 2-1/2 packs a day and you smoke them by halves you spend a lot of time with either a gretzky or a lighter in your hand. I was becoming adjusted to the fact I'd be lugging around an oxygen bottle in 20 years if I even made it that far..........
