You can believe me when I say "I Understand"
I've been and on again off again smoker for the better part of 30 years
I had stopped smoking as a gift to myself on my 49th birthday December 14, 2012,,,
My mom died of lung cancer June 24,1988, 4 days after her 49th birthday,,, she had smoked since she was 13,,,
Wake up, call,, I was there,,,
Exactly one year to the day goes by and on Dec 14, 2013 I turned 50,,, that very same day,,, my birthday,,, my dad gets sick at home, My sister and I called the Medics and they carried him to the hospital, we arrived after the ambulance, By the time we got there they had him on life support in ICU with low blood pressure due to severe internal bleeding, He was bleeding to death.
That day I picked up a pack of Marlboro and began smoking...
Within that very first week I was back up to +1 pack a day, every day,,, After a month in ICU and +-2 packs a day, My sister and I made the decision to remove all life support, He passed away 30 minutes later on Jan 15, for the next 3 months I was smoking like a chimney.
I felt absolutely horrible, I was having trouble breathing, wheezing, sleeping, the emotional roller coaster of my dads death...
I was always able to stop and go as desired, but this time I could not shake it off, I was smoking more than ever now.
So looking for a substitute, I started vaping, Ego / C4... This was not working for me,,,
But after some trial and error, Once I found the right setup, I was done smoking... Finished !!!!!!!!!
May 12, 2014 was the day I had my last cigarette, I say last because I know now that I will never ever smoke another cigarette ever again !!!!!
So vaping has become a hobby for me too, I keeps me occupied and I like to tinker... the parts and pieces and the juices,,,
OMG,,,, now I'm a vaping shopaholic,,,
But the money I have spent on vaping is still far less than the cost of ciggs I was buying,,, and well worth it...
I know it can be difficult and I was in no way trying to imply that it isn't easy, but if you put your mind to it and really really want it ,,, it will come to you,
Good Luck and Best Wishes to you,,,