OT- Joke Thread!

[plarkinjr]

OK, so two gal's are walking down the street, the brunette pulls out a compact to check her makeup. The blonde asks "Whatcha got there?" The brunette hands it over . The blonde takes a look and says "Ohh, how sweet! You have a picture of me!!!"

<rimshot>

 

[plarkinjr]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra......

An Irishman walks past a bar.

 

[plarkinjr]

An Irishman is walking down the street, rounds a corner and happens upon a coupla guys in a brawl. He taps one on the shoulder and asks: "Is this a private-matter, or can anyone join in?"

 

[plarkinjr]

We're all adults, here, right????


Three ladies are sitting in the obstetricians waiting room... The brunette is telling the redhead "I'm having a boy - I just know it, because when he was conceived, his father was on top." The redhead replies "Oh? Then I must be having a girl, because I was on top when she was conceived". They notice a blonde weeping a few chairs over and ask "What's the matter honey?". Amidst her tears, the blonde replies "I think I'm having puppies!"

 

[EleanorR]

[Groan . . .]

Okay, I'll admit it. I laughed at that.

But I will not "like" it!

 

[Lisa66]

An Irishman walks past a bar.

A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop.

 

[HarmonyPB]

What is the temperature inside of a Tauntaun?


Luke warm

HAHAHAHAHA!!! Get it?

 

[arkywolf]

One day a guy came home from work. His wife met him at the door. She hit him hard with frying pan.


THAT'S FOR 20 YEARS OF BAD SEX. she said


After getting his thoughts together he went in to the kitchen grab a rollinig pin. Clocked her good


"THAT'S FOR KNOWING THE DIFFERENCE"

 

[arkywolf]

Do you know how to get a sweet old lady to say the f** word???


Have another sweet old lady yell BINGO

 

[arkywolf]

A big cowboy went into a small town saloon. He went to the bathroom down the hall . When he came out he noticed his horse was missing.


He said " I don't know who took my horse or why. But I am going to have a beer. If my horse is not back when I get done. Then I will have to what I did the last time my horse was taken. He said with snarl.


He queitly sat at the bar and sipped on his beer. As he finished his last swallow he got up and headed out the door.


His horse was back where it started . He smiled.


The bar keep asked. "I have to know .. What did you do the last time your horse was taken..


The cowboy pushed his hat back looked the bar keep striaght in the eye.


said


I walked home

 

[arkywolf]

While in New york once.


Riding in a cab. The cab driver blows right through a red light.


I asked" What are you dong trying to kill us the liht was red"


He says to me " don' t worry my bother does it all the time"


So we continue on our drive I looked up and so the light green the cabby slams on his breaks. I yelled 'FIRST YOU RUN A RED LIGHT THEN STOP AT GREEN LIGHT ' ARE YOU SOME KIND OF .....'?' He looked over his shoulder and said " my bother might be comeing the other way!!?!

 

[arkywolf]

I was stuck still in a traffic jam on the highway in D.C. Suddenly, a man knocks on my window. I roll down the window and asked, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and are asking for a $1,000,000,000 ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them all on fire. We are going car to car, taking up a collection."
"How much is everyone giving, on average?" I asked.
The man replies, "About a gallon."