Please help me with concepts for an important letter to my 2 daughters about smoking

[MonkeyMonk]

Both my daughters have always been very anti-smoking and I have kept myself and my smoke from them by a 24/7 exhaust fan when they lived at home.

I just found out that they go to hooka bars and that one of my daughters smoked about 3 Camel crush during finals.

I need to address this. The anti-medical side will not work. I want to talk about the alienation, the loss of friends, the discrimination, the being the parriah... the way addictions come out of nowhere and bite you in the ....

Can anyone who reads this help me describe how fast an addiction comes out of nowhere and how horrible it is to loose friends and be looked down upon and be isolated from the people you love.

Can you, all, help me with some good sentences and paragraphs and thoughts.

Thanks!!!

BTW. one is 27, and the other 23 (she's the one who had about 3 Camel Crush). Right now, I'm going to sign-off and go to bed. It's been a ruff day for all of us... I will check the thread tomorrow. And, I thank anyone who can help me express what a mother needs to express about the psychological and emotional cost of addiction to tobacco and cigarettes. (Hooka is flavored tobacco pellets right?)

 

[Uncle Bill]

I believe it's probably too late. You're talking about two adult ladies as if they were still living under your wing and that 24/7 exhaust fan. Their behavior is now beyond good sentences and paragraphs and thoughts. They are what they are, and if you've instilled in them some common sense when you had the chance, in spite of the example you've set (smoking), they will be just fine.

 

[Rogue X2 v2]

Both my daughters have always been very anti-smoking and I have kept myself and my smoke from them by a 24/7 exhaust fan when they lived at home.

I just found out that they go to hooka bars and that one of my daughters smoked about 3 Camel crush during finals.

I need to address this. The anti-medical side will not work. I want to talk about the alienation, the loss of friends, the discrimination, the being the parriah... the way addictions come out of nowhere and bite you in the ....

Can anyone who reads this help me describe how fast an addiction comes out of nowhere and how horrible it is to loose friends and be looked down upon and be isolated from the people you love.

Can you, all, help me with some good sentences and paragraphs and thoughts.

Thanks!!!

BTW. one is 27, and the other 23 (she's the one who had about 3 Camel Crush). Right now, I'm going to sign-off and go to bed. It's been a ruff day for all of us... I will check the thread tomorrow. And, I thank anyone who can help me express what a mother needs to express about the psychological and emotional cost of addiction to tobacco and cigarettes. (Hooka is flavored tobacco pellets right?)

Scare tactics (health or social-wise) have never worked on me. Once you're hooked, you're pretty much at the mercy of the nicotine. Unless you got one earthly willpower. One thing I would try if I ever get around to producing my own kids is this--since nicotine falsely makes your brain into thinking the sensation makes you feel good, I would strap your daughters down to a chair, break off the filters on the cigs (several packs worth) and make them smoke them all. If they haven't been smoking all that long, 1 or 2 would make them really sick. Just have a bucket or something nearby for the puke.

Yeah, it's torture, but words just don't cut it anymore.

 

[Vicks Vap-oh-Yeah]

That's a tough one. I wouldn't go the torture route though, Rogue - that'll just sticky the addiction that much faster.

This is not a letter you should write, Monkey - this is an in-person, face to face chat. the emotions running across you face as you speak with your girls will convey more than simple words on a page. If it can't be in person, a phone call is the next best - again, your voice and how you say things conveys more than you can imagine.

Then, let it all pour out. You're afraid they'll become social outcastes because of an addiction to which the public screams: "Quit or DIE!"

Discuss the legal issues clouding tobacco products. The taxes will continue to rise on these, anyone who doesn't think that is kidding themselves. The government will continue to try to balance between greed (in the revenue streams generated by sin taxes) and perception (we have to be seen doing something to combat this health-risky product!). Meanwhile, they'll fumble about doing the absolute worst they can trying to maintain this "balance." Pssht - look what they're doing now!

There are threads on this forum where companies have started testing for nicotine (NOT tobacco) as a basis for hiring discrimination. Nicotine-free zones are popping up on college campus's and other places. So, even if you're a casual smoker or quitting using approved NRT's, they can still discriminate......smokers have no protections, and are fast becoming this generation's "sub-human class."

Ultimately, there will be no help for smokers. We will be thrown aside by society to moulder in the gutters, while begging "Hey buddy, got a light?" All this, because the tobacco companies lied about their product. That's what is driving the entire crusade against nicotine....the fact that major tobacco manufacturers didn't do a full disclosure at a time when, in hindsight, they should have. The anti's have taken it on their shoulders as a task to punish BT for this. Unfortunately, the consumer is the one footing this bill with social stigma, ridicule, and outright hatred.

On addiction: it doesn't snare you all at once - that's the insideousness of it. It creeps up on you. You start with 1 or 2, or an evening in a hookah bar. You're fine....it was a novel experience. You can go weeks without and suffer no harm. But then the excuses start....I'm a bit stressed, my friend gave me a smoke to calm down. The hookah bar is a really fun place to hang out on the weekends. All my friends smoke, and its a social thing to fit in. Guess what-the addiction's got its hooks into you, and those excuses become more and more commonplace until you don't need them anymore, because you've become a steady user.

Hope this has given you some food for thought.

 

[MonkeyMonk]

UncleBill, I think you must have talked to my oldest daughter because, in essence, that is what she told me, too... I was really upset about the youngest daughter's 3 Camel's.

Rogue, no chance of strapping them down, they are way stronger than me... I had both of them late in life and I'm just a little old lady now.

Vicks, you said a lot that will help me... I think, when the window of opportunity opens, rather than talk about them, I could use your points and talk about me... like someone looking for empathy. That would work because they would not feel their choices being attacked... I raised or rather they have developed into very independent strong young women... They would toe-dance with a giant and get p*ssed on, if they thought that a principle of value was at stake. That being, in this case, their adulthood and their right to make their own choices. So, I think I will use all that you wrote, Vicks, and discuss it as a sympathy moment for mama... I'm sure they'll see through it, but they won't feel threatened.

Thank you all so very much! But, I, especially thank Vicks because you wrote a lot of things that I wouldn't have known about... like the nicotine free zones on campuses.

BTW. What is hooka? I caregive for 2 people and cannot get out to a "hooka bar" to find out what exactly a "hooka bar" is... Can someone fill me in on what exactly is hooka and what exactly is a hooka bar? All my eldest told me is that it is like a Starbucks with smoking permitted and groups go together and share one big pipe but each with their own tip. According to her it is a social place and much safer than a regular bar (apparently coffee, but no alcohol)

BTW. Uncle Bill, this last August their Dad, my X, had a stroke. I moved back in Dad's house to caregive. I had a patch of land 3ftx8ft by an exhaust fan in the attic, when winter set in, it was 30 degrees up there and would wrap myself in an electric blanket and have my smokes keeping the fan on until all smoke cleared. This is how fastidious I was. That is why this upsets me so much... addiction is a fact and this addiction leads to isolation and alienation. Just look at what I chose over being warm and in a real bed in the house.

 

[Vicks Vap-oh-Yeah]

Thanks for the kind words back, Monkey - and you are more than free to use anything I've put down in there. I agree with your ideas - when you talk with your girls, make sure you tell them how you feel - the emotions you're feeling always have a powerful impact, because at that point you're genuine (as opposed to putting yourself up to a set speech), and they'll get that.

A hookah is - I think, kinda like a water pipe - and someone will correct me if I'm wrong, but you burn charcoal pellets to superheat the tobacco, vaporize the oils and flavorings in it, then inhale the contents through a water-filled bowl. I guess a hookah pipe can have several flexible tubes coming off it, so users can share the pipe - a social smoking device. Now, bear in mind, I've never seen one or used one, but from several discussions I've lurked in, that's what I think they are... Calling an expert to verify!!!

 

[willsgirlie]

I've been to hookah bars and all of them served alcohol, they were usually outdoors and yeah the hookah looks like this for those who haven't seen it

Sorry, from the sounds of it you didn't know what one looked like so I thought I would add that. Anyways, it's usually all kinds of tobacco, but I know that there are also tobacco alternatives that are used.. not sure of what they are called or anything. you basically just go and sit at a table with a bunch of friends, order drinks (or coffee I guess) and pass around the usually 1 or 2 stems...

as far as your daughters smoking, I don't think anybody realizes how much smoking sucks until they are already smoking. I was so anti-smoking when I was younger and my mom always smoked and I hated it. I don't even know where/why I tried my first cigarette, and somehow I started smoking... It's crazy! I don't think there is much you can do to stop them really...

 

[MonkeyMonk]

willisgirlie, thanks for the pic and the information. And, your up date also helps because the 27yrs old described it as, "it's like tobacco", she didn't say, "it is tobacco." Guess I got to make a jail-break and find a hooka bar, or else 87yr. old ma and stroke affected hubby are going to be going to a hooka bar, too.

BTW. how did your mom take it when she found out you smoked? Did she talk with you about it?

 

[willsgirlie]

willisgirlie, thanks for the pic and the information. And, your up date also helps because the 27yrs old described it as, "it's like tobacco", she didn't say, "it is tobacco." Guess I got to make a jail-break and find a hooka bar, or else 87yr. old ma and stroke affected hubby are going to be going to a hooka bar, too.

BTW. how did your mom take it when she found out you smoked? Did she talk with you about it?

she didn't really try and stop me, she couldn't.. by the time she found out it had been like a year along (I lived cross country and didn't see her much so I could hide it) She said out of everything I have ever done as a teenager etc. that is the thing that shocked her the most.. basically all she said, and hassles me to quit all the time, and now that I have she doesn't really care because I think she considers vaping as smoking or something, IDK shes a sceptic

 

[MonkeyMonk]

Thanks Willsgirlie, if I can ever be of any help to you please let me know. I'm going to tread very carefully with my 23yr old, and do an honest-injin with the 27yr old. And, then, I'm going to write their names on an imaginary balloon and send it up to Heaven. As a mother, I have had to do that a hundred times over and over again.

Best of luck with your vaping!!!

 

[Vicks Vap-oh-Yeah]

I wish you well in your conversation with your girls, Monkey - and have confidence in you - you are a very caring mother and I'm sure they know that.

Be well, hon!

 

[DCrist721]

There's really no need to be concerned about the hookah use. But you should definitely be concerned about the Camel Crush cigarettes. One, because they are cigarettes, and two, the little bead inside that releases the menthol flavoring contains some kind of dangerous chemical, even worse then all the other **** in cigarettes, to the point that all Camel Crush cigarettes have been recalled.

Anyway, back to the hookah: First off all, when "smoking a hookah" you aren't really smoking, you are vaporizing the tobacco, very similar to what we ourselves are doing by vaporizing nicotine liquid. If you look at the diagram that willsgirlie posted, the part labeled "bowl" is where the tobacco goes in. A metal screen then covers the top of the bowl, and the coal is placed on top of that screen. When the user inhales, they draw hot air from around the coal down through the tobacco, which causes it to vaporize. That vapor is then filtered through water which cools it (fun fact: most of the damage caused by smoke is not from the actual substances in it, but from the heat of the smoke). The tobacco is mixed with either mollases, honey, or propylene glycol which prevents it from burning. If tobacco is burned during the hookah "smoking" process, then the hookah has been used improperly and the person who set it up and adjusted it during it's use is an idiot. I hope this information puts your mind at ease at least about the hookah use; hopefully you will be able to get the cigarette use to stop. Try talking to her face to face and crying if you can fake it, that should really have a profound effect.

 

[Moonlighter]

I'm sorry Monkey. I have one that took up smoking and the other 2 didn't. By the time I found out it was already a habit for the one and I forbid him to smoke at home told him how stupid I was and on and on but now 12 years past and he still smokes. I've begged him to quit before it hurts him but he ignores me. Maybe if you make light of the hookah and tell her that if she wants to do the hookah once and a while with friends on a friday night-- fine with you but tell her with a tear in your eye that your heart will break if she picks up another cigarette. I know exactly what you mean about friends and the looks.(everything you give up for the habit)
If I knew then what I really know now I would have never started. I feel so bad for you reading how hard you tried to protect them.

I shouldn't be encouraging but I like hookah smoking. (if someone else sets it up and all you have to do is sit back and enjoy it) I don't have one but have tried it and it is very nice and different than cigarettes.

 

[Mary Kay]

Monkey, I guess I am a bit of a witch (no offence intended for those of you who are real ones and are green).
I don't see taking the gentle route with your girls. I have a son who smokes, and a daughter who is a non smoker..she's cool though and likes my "gadget". She took a hit and then starts worring about nicotine. I told her nicotine only gets you if you take 3 puffs.
She even more gullable then I am!
Since Mike and I are /were smokers we couldn't say a lot to the son..just a few choice words about being as stupid as I am. He regrets not listening. I am trying to get him on a P.V. He was an adult living away from us when he started BTW.
For your daughters I would say..If you really want to lose your health, looks and smell like the bottom of an ashtray. Smoke. But smoke in this house and you go to the attic! End of story.
Any letters, rants or heart to hearts may or may not get through, the bottom line is they are adults. love them, care but be prepared for them not to listen.

 

[MonkeyMonk]

Thank you everyone for helping me. I appreciate your help. I will no longer be posting at this forum. I wish you all the best in all your endevors. I added my good-byes in Apostle51's thread. May God bless you all and keep you safe!