SimplySnus November Contest * General Mint & Nick & Johnny Original Edge*

[SimplySnus]

Hello everyone,

We're going too keep this contest simple, as always.

All you have too do is find a funny joke somewhere on the internet and post it here, the one I think is the funniest will win.

One entry per person, contest starts once this thread is posted and will end on Friday the 23rd.

The winner will receive 5 cans of, General Mint or Nick and Johnny Original Edge or any combination of the two (ex 2 N&J 3 Gen Mint )

Best of luck to everyone that participates and remember too have some fun.


Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside.

"Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade."

"Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."​

 

[Uncle]

THANK YOU for the Contest . . .

Here's "My" entry that I got from the Internet, however Personally, I would have gone with a couple of Hunters from a State like the one in the movie "Deliverance" . . .

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

 

[spacekitty]

I got this one in an email from a friend...


A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a Tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a Tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..."



He sighed........




"Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box......."

 

[Striker911]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!''
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!''
The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

 

[Elantis]

The Lottery Winner
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'
'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'

 

[4uk4life]

I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car. . .

Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . he was a DWARF!

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'

So, I look down at him and say, 'Well, then which one are you?'

 

[BuzzBait]

What would you call a group of Dwarfs that do the wave at a stadium?

A RIPPLE!​

 

[musiceqlslife21]

There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman working on the top of a cliff. The Englishman said, "If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff."

The Scotsman said, "If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff."

The Irishman said, "If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff."

The next day, the Englishman had cheese, the Irishman had ham, and the Scotsman had jam. So they all jumped.

At the funerals, the wives of the Scotsman and Englishman said, "Why didn't they just tell us they didn't like their sandwiches?"

The Irish lady said, "I don't know why my husband jumped off the cliff. He made his own sandwiches."

 

[Extraunordinary]

Wilma and her husband Barney go to church every Sunday, and during the service Barney falls asleep. One afternoon Wilma goes to the priest and asks what she can do. The priest hands her a needle and tells her to ..... him with it everytime he falls asleep.

The next week at church Barney falls asleep while the priest is talking and when the priest asks who is our savior? Wilma pokes him with the needle and he yells out JESUS!!

Soon after that he goes back to sleep. The next question the priest asks is: Who is Jesus's Father? Wilma pokes him with the needle and Barney yells out GOD!!and goes back to sleep.

The last question the priest asks is what did Eve say to Adam after he impregnated her for the 99th time? Wilma ...... him with the needle again and he yells: IF YOU POKE THAT DAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'LL SNAP IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUM!!

 

[SimplySnus]

Lol

Some good entries so far, lets keep em coming!

A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither one of them is hurt.

After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars -- there's nothing left! This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other."

The man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely."

The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, "Somehow this bottle of Scotch from my back seat didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this Scotch and celebrate our good fortune."

She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and chugs about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."

 

[OttoBahn]

 

[spacekitty]

Today's the day... Good Luck Everyone!!

And a belated Happy Thanksgiving!!​

 

[SimplySnus]

The winner for this contest is...

I got this one in an email from a friend...


A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a Tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a Tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..."



He sighed........




"Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box......."

Congrats SpaceKitty,

Please shoot me a PM with your shipping address and what combination of the snus you would like.

Thanks too everyone that participated.

I will set up another contest for the month of December!

 

[spacekitty]

The winner for this contest is...

Congrats SpaceKitty,

Please shoot me a PM with your shipping address and what combination of the snus you would like.

Thanks too everyone that participated.

I will set up another contest for the month of December!

OMG... how cool is this??!! Thanks for choosing my joke... and for having these contests...

This is going to make the purr-fect X-mas present for someone... and who knows, I might even try some myself!!


I got an email today from the same friend who sent me the winning joke, so I thought I would post it here as a parting shot... Ha!!


INDIAN WINTER

It's late Fall, and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea.

He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'

'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'

'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a s**tload of firewood.'



Thanks again!!

 

[IThrenodyI]

Congrats sk!!