Tell a joke thread.

[StarsAndBars]

What's up guys? Let's start a joke thread. I think everyone would enjoy a good laugh (I could use a few). Obviously it should be kept clean, but we can let personal discretion and the mods determine that. I'll start.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?






One, but the light bulb has to 'want' to change.

 

[StarsAndBars]

Thanks for posting Mike. Know any jokes?

 

[Arnold Ziffle]

I pee religiously every morning at 6 am. Unfortunately I don't wake up til 7.

 

[minimalsaint]

Two nuns walk into a bar.... The third one ducks.

 

[supertrunker]

Auntie Mabel had had a good life, raised 2 beautiful children but was distraught when her husband of 50 years predeceased her and so after a great deal of thought she decided upon suicide using his old police service revolver.

But not wanting to mess things up, she called her doctor to ask precisely where her heart was. He told her that it was in line with her left breast.

Next morning's headline "ELDERLY WOMAN TREATED FOR GUNSHOT WOUND TO THE KNEE"

T

 

[GaG8tor]

That's hilarious.

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk

 

[omyeyes]

Did you know that you can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish?

 

[Tmartin63]

I said to the wife, “Get me a newspaper”
“Don't be silly,” she said “You can borrow my iPad” .........That spider never knew what hit it.

 

[MikeE87]

Thanks for posting Mike. Know any jokes?

How many psychologists does it take to change a rebuildable atomizer?

one, but the rebuildable atomizer has to 'want' to change.

That's all I got dude

 

[Myrany]

Is that your Pthingy in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

WHAT I meant Provari!

 

[omyeyes]

Recent survey shows that 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

 

[Rat2chat2]

 

[Snickerfritz]

Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks them if they would all like a pint of beer. Logician #1 says, "Hmmm, I don't know." Logician #2 says, "Hmmm, I don't know either." Logician #3 says, "Yes!"

 

[patrao_n]

Not a joke at all. More of a public service announcement.

Do not take ex-lax and sleeping pills at the same time…….

Sent from my SM-N900T

 

[Hill]

Newton's Law of Emotion:

For every male action there is an opposite female over-reaction.

 

[omyeyes]

Oh, I thought we were supposed to "tell" jokes????

 

[omyeyes]

Double post.

 

[mvroman]

She said "tie me up and do anything you want", so I went to the vape store.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

 

[sklar0321]

Is that your Pthingy in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

WHAT I meant Provari!

LOLOLOLOL that made me think of this....

 

[twgbonehead]

How many psychologists does it take to change a rebuildable atomizer?

one, but the rebuildable atomizer has to 'want' to change.

That's all I got dude

Would you guys PLEASE stop screwing up this joke???

The answer is "Only one, but it takes a long time and the atomizer really needs to want to change"

It's like the lame version you see written on bathroom walls:

"Here I sit, broken hearted, came to <rhymes with sit> and only farted"
Makes no sense whatsoever. Why would you be broken-hearted?

The original:
Here I sit, broken hearted. Paid a dime and only farted.

THAT was funny. Once pay toilets disappeared, the joke should have gone into arcania......

Q:How can a guy tell that his wife has passed away?
A: The sex is about the same, but the dirty dishes pile up in the sink.


Will try to follow up with some jokes that are still funny, but try to keep up, y'all.