Where's j0ker?????
- Thread starter JerryRM
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Good morning Classy! Fletch is going to be a gourmet meal for the cats. Say bye bye.
Gotta get moving, you all have a great day.
Don't hurt it, but I've heard that if you choke a chicken just enough to scare it, it will lay an egg.......
I don't think that would work with him.
Don't hurt it, but I've heard that if you choke a chicken just enough to scare it, it will lay an egg.......
I guess I need to adjust my expectations.
You think
I would hope not!!
Oh... that Betty!
Well, I had heard that cats can be milked, so I figured anything is possible. I say giver a whirl, and see what happens.
You try it and let us know how it worked out for you
Hi Uba
I better get to work.....
Yep, I found out the hard way that my cats aren't milking cats.
Still have scars from that adventure. Morning Jane, Jerry, Renee
and Uba. Just another fly by really.
Making a Baby....
This is hilarious!
There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'
'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !..
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
'Leave everything to me.. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with..'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'
'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'
'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away..'
'Tripod?'
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted
This is hilarious!
There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'
'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !..
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
'Leave everything to me.. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with..'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'
'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'
'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away..'
'Tripod?'
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted
Nope, Classy, the j0ker thread is dead, but I am posting recruiting posters all over the forum, to try to get some new j0kers.
Ah reverse psychology. Anyone would rush over to check out a dead thread!!!
Not the dreaded Facebook
What's Facebook???
I still see my old Joker friends. They're here unless I'm imagining things!!
Even Nico
What ARE you doing with your hands if you don't type?? Nevermind I don't want to know.Ah so many things to think about today. SIGH.
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Thanks to Waylon Jennings for post of the day. I know Nora likes him. Can't blame her though - I wouldn't kick him out of bed.
Modders ain't easy to love and they're harder to hold
they'd rather give you a mod then diamonds or gold
Lonestar belt buckles and old faded Levi's each night begins a new day
If you don't understand him and he don't die young
He'll probably just ride away
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be modders
Don't let 'em pick guitars and drive them old trucks
Let 'em be doctors and lawyers and such
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be modders
They'll never stay home and they're always alone
Even with someone they love
Modders like smokey old pool rooms and clear mountain morningss
Little warm puppies and children and girls of the night
And them that don't know him won't like him
And them that do sometimes won't know how to take him
He ain't wrong he's just different
but his pride won't let him do things to make you think he's right
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be modders
Don't let 'em pick guitars and drive them old trucks
Let 'em be doctors and lawyers and such
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be modders
They'll never stay home and they're always alone
Even with someone they love
The cookies are getting stale.
Modders ain't easy to love and they're harder to hold
they'd rather give you a mod then diamonds or gold
Lonestar belt buckles and old faded Levi's each night begins a new day
If you don't understand him and he don't die young
He'll probably just ride away
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be modders
Don't let 'em pick guitars and drive them old trucks
Let 'em be doctors and lawyers and such
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be modders
They'll never stay home and they're always alone
Even with someone they love
Modders like smokey old pool rooms and clear mountain morningss
Little warm puppies and children and girls of the night
And them that don't know him won't like him
And them that do sometimes won't know how to take him
He ain't wrong he's just different
but his pride won't let him do things to make you think he's right
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be modders
Don't let 'em pick guitars and drive them old trucks
Let 'em be doctors and lawyers and such
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be modders
They'll never stay home and they're always alone
Even with someone they love
The cookies are getting stale.
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