Sorry I've been absent -- my grandfather, who had severe, terminal Parkinson's with dementia, died on the 23 July. It was a long illness and his end wasn't pretty, but at least it's over. For him, anyway. The rest of us have to deal with the specter of a possible genetic link, and since his step-daughters refused an autopsy to discover the cause of death and refused to allow his dna to be entered into a Parkinson's research project to determine genetic markers (i.e. to find out if it's Y-linked) we're doing it blind.
The funeral was a lovely exercise in passive-aggression. My mom is her father's daughter by his first marriage, his only biological child present (my mother's only brother could not emotionally, physically or financially make the trip from S. Nevada.) Yet... my mother's step-family pretty much shunted her aside which hurt her profoundly. She's pretty fragile, but I get my workaholism from her, so she's back at work, back in Arizona, getting through it.
I'd accepted his death when his mind went, about a year ago; I did my grieving early when the essential man who was my grandfather disappeared in a cloud of dementia. Apparently, nobody else believed that a terminal dx means death will happen... and soon.
It was a long trip, in terms of distance -- Colorado to rural Indiana -- and time -- 10 days -- and emotional and cultural space. My mom's step-family and my mom's family are very different cultures. (Grandma's marriage to Grandpa really was youthful 1950's rebellion. It only lasted 5 years -- considering how difficult divorce was to obtain in the early 60s, that says something.) My mom's family is full of college grads, urbanites, and liberals; her dad's family... well, they're not. Racism, sexism, studied ignorance (of which they're proud), and anti-intellectualism abound. In their opinion, it's better to be perpetually on disability, unemployment or otherwise broke and to "make an honest [if sporadic and minimal] living" in dying manufacturing than to be gainfully employed and actually inventing the next industries (pharma, medical)...
Also, getting flipped off by random strangers because my rental car was a Nissan, not a Chevy (like I have any control of that) was... weird.
I'd forgotten how smoggy a room in which 20 people are smoking can get. I really hate that odor, I've realized. A cousin is considering becoming an MLM drone for smokestik... so at least I had ecigs as a topic of conversation. It helped that I use other manufacturers and (IMNSHO) better liquids. Maybe the kid won't get suckered, or maybe he'll actually sell ecigs worth selling.
Mom, my sisters, my 4 nieblings and I all crowded into my grandmother's farmhouse (not with the step-family, thank bog)... but 9 people in a 14 room house with one bathroom, struggling plumbing, an old electrical system (the house is over a century old, the plumbing dates from the late 30s, and it's getting fragile; the electrical installation dates from the early 20s and most rooms only have a single outlet) and an amazingly badly designed kitchen (not designed... it's an organic outgrowth of space available...) was... challenging, especially for Mom, Grandma and I, who don't have children underfoot most of the time. Also, high ceilings are GREAT for moderating temperature, but cause echoes... and my nephew has a voice that can shatter glass.
Coming home, I'm exhausted, and not just because it was a long trip. Eventually, I'll be responsible for my Grandmother's end-of-life wishes (and to give her credit, she spent the last years of her career in a geriatric psych unit, so she's very firm about her DNR, hospice, and what her limits are) and the ultimate control of our family farm. It's been in the family for 130 years, we helped found the town... so it's not a responsibility I can just walk away from, but I really don't want to live in a rural farming town.
I go back to the lab next week and I'm really glad, but I think the next few days are going to be very quiet.
The funeral was a lovely exercise in passive-aggression. My mom is her father's daughter by his first marriage, his only biological child present (my mother's only brother could not emotionally, physically or financially make the trip from S. Nevada.) Yet... my mother's step-family pretty much shunted her aside which hurt her profoundly. She's pretty fragile, but I get my workaholism from her, so she's back at work, back in Arizona, getting through it.
I'd accepted his death when his mind went, about a year ago; I did my grieving early when the essential man who was my grandfather disappeared in a cloud of dementia. Apparently, nobody else believed that a terminal dx means death will happen... and soon.
It was a long trip, in terms of distance -- Colorado to rural Indiana -- and time -- 10 days -- and emotional and cultural space. My mom's step-family and my mom's family are very different cultures. (Grandma's marriage to Grandpa really was youthful 1950's rebellion. It only lasted 5 years -- considering how difficult divorce was to obtain in the early 60s, that says something.) My mom's family is full of college grads, urbanites, and liberals; her dad's family... well, they're not. Racism, sexism, studied ignorance (of which they're proud), and anti-intellectualism abound. In their opinion, it's better to be perpetually on disability, unemployment or otherwise broke and to "make an honest [if sporadic and minimal] living" in dying manufacturing than to be gainfully employed and actually inventing the next industries (pharma, medical)...
Also, getting flipped off by random strangers because my rental car was a Nissan, not a Chevy (like I have any control of that) was... weird.
I'd forgotten how smoggy a room in which 20 people are smoking can get. I really hate that odor, I've realized. A cousin is considering becoming an MLM drone for smokestik... so at least I had ecigs as a topic of conversation. It helped that I use other manufacturers and (IMNSHO) better liquids. Maybe the kid won't get suckered, or maybe he'll actually sell ecigs worth selling.
Mom, my sisters, my 4 nieblings and I all crowded into my grandmother's farmhouse (not with the step-family, thank bog)... but 9 people in a 14 room house with one bathroom, struggling plumbing, an old electrical system (the house is over a century old, the plumbing dates from the late 30s, and it's getting fragile; the electrical installation dates from the early 20s and most rooms only have a single outlet) and an amazingly badly designed kitchen (not designed... it's an organic outgrowth of space available...) was... challenging, especially for Mom, Grandma and I, who don't have children underfoot most of the time. Also, high ceilings are GREAT for moderating temperature, but cause echoes... and my nephew has a voice that can shatter glass.
Coming home, I'm exhausted, and not just because it was a long trip. Eventually, I'll be responsible for my Grandmother's end-of-life wishes (and to give her credit, she spent the last years of her career in a geriatric psych unit, so she's very firm about her DNR, hospice, and what her limits are) and the ultimate control of our family farm. It's been in the family for 130 years, we helped found the town... so it's not a responsibility I can just walk away from, but I really don't want to live in a rural farming town.
I go back to the lab next week and I'm really glad, but I think the next few days are going to be very quiet.
