A little vent... nothing about here.

[CZEdwards]

Nobody need read this -- I just need a quiet, safe, not public place to say this once.

I really dislike my social group.

I won't call them friends. I am so sick of their drama, their issues, their psycho-nuttiness and the way they all feed into each other... I am so much happier when I don't have to be around them. I really want to not have anything more to do with any of them and I'm so tempted right now to do something unforgivable and burn that bleedin' bridge with a smile on my face, a song in my heart and no backwards glances.

I find it disgusting and demoralizing that I am one of the youngest (33) members of my social group and yet, I look at them and I see 7th grade all over again -- same maturity levels, same sort of trying to start ---t, same whining and whinging.

Not that I look forward to having to make a new social group, but J. F. C----t, anything is better than all this partner-swapping, overblown socio-sexual self-created drama.

I am so done. Now I just have to get myself out...

Thank you.

 

[nicowolf]

CZ, that social circle sounds like the lesbian cliques I wholeheartedly avoid. I don't know what they are like elsewhere, but in the 12 step community, they hang out in the Women's meetings, trying to convert the hopelessly straight, and partner-swapping in between. They show up to the gay meetings only to find a fresh partner they haven't already swapped a few times, then tell the mainstream community that the gay meetings are nothing but a meat market.

I came out and got sober simultaneously, so I never spent any time with the lesbians outside of the 12 step community, but I have heard the only difference is the presence of mind-altering substances.

Pretty much all my friends are gay men because I feel safe that there are no ulterior motives there. The same petty gossip and squabbling occur there too, but I can remove myself from it simply by staying away from the drama queens - they are easy to spot, every day contains a new drama plus another installment on the old dramas, kinda like a soap opera. My wife is just learning about the drama and how distracting it can be as well as how destructive it can be (yes, I married a junior drama queen, but I love her and she eventually comes around to center again).

Sometimes calling people on their character defects can burn bridges, other times it can cause growth and enlightenment. It all depends on how attached the person chooses to interpret your shedding a light on their behavior. It can get pretty brutal or draw you closer together.

You could always try making one or two friends outside the circle and gradually spending less time with the circle until you are able to see less of the negative stuff.

 

[CZEdwards]

Thanks, Nico. I needed that. While this group could use some sobriety (alcohol is the drug of choice and I drink only socially, and rarely -- unlike the stereotypical writer, I can't write with a buzz beyond caffeine and nicotine) it will never happen. The group's also strongly bisexual so there's just all that much more meat to go around, and it is at odds with my experience -- the lesbian communities I've been familiar with were far more... stable. Older, academic professionals don't tend to bed-hop as much.

I don't play that way -- casual sex has never been my cuppa (I assume this is rooted in coming to sexual awareness simultaneously with the AIDS crisis, and being told that sex was special, wonderful, beautiful and DEADLY.)

I'm working on just that latter plan -- shifting myself away, and have been for six months or so. I don't fight in general. I walk away. I thought I'd gotten myself disentangled... but no, somebody always has to be difficult.

Thank you again. I'm breathing, calming... and very glad I need to take a trip to the midwest sometime before the academic year starts up again. Fortunately, this group, like the majority of americans, tends to forget issues when they're not right in front of their noses.

 

[RIAFlight25]

Damn,

Some powerful stuff here! U are not alone, for being a flight attendant, I deal with some of the same issues... Take a bunch of drama queens and seal them up in a metal tube 33,000 feet in the air for 13 hours and see what happens. Im kind of at my witts end myself. Not much help to you, but just so you dont feel like you are alone on this one!

Nico-
Ive found that the gay 12 step groups are EXACTLY as you described! I found myself shying away from the gay NA groups and finding more mainstream meetings to attend. Sadly, its nice to know there are other people out there that have noticed this trend and feel the same way!

Hugz to both!
RIA