Cannabis Jokes

[Fog n Vape]

Anyone else got some cannabis jokes or humor to share
Here's one

The Canadian government just released a study on how much cannabis was consumed last year in Canada. So after months of research and 420 million dollars the results have been released.

How much cannabis did Canadians consume last year ?

ALL of it !


Do you have one to share ? if so please add.

 

[Sloth Tonight]

I may have played a part in that, I was in Vancouver on legalization day. The streets were filled with celebration

Do stories count? I'll try to think of my best one.

 

[icepickmaker84]

I saw Steve Martin and his bluegrass band a few years ago at Ravinia Fest and he said one thing that sucked about being a bluegrass band was they didn’t have a drummer so they didn’t know what to do when they ran out of weed.

 

[somdcomputerguy]

I once knew a couple real good ones, but I forgot them..

 

[Fog n Vape]

I may have played a part in that, I was in Vancouver on legalization day. The streets were filled with celebration

Do stories count? I'll try to think of my best one.

Sure thing anything to bring some humor and fun to a dull overcast winter's day.

 

[Sloth Tonight]

I once knew a couple real good ones, but I forgot them..

I think it was my third time ever using cannabis... I had a full bag of mint oreos. Had. Ate the entire thing within 5 minutes, then threw up

Sure thing anything to bring some humor and fun to a dull overcast winter's day.

This is going to be a fun thread

 

[somdcomputerguy]

I do remember a comedy show with Gallagher I watched on HBO a while back. At the end of his skit, he said "It's time now for a PSA. Don't smoke dope (long pause) when you're high. You won't get any higher; just lower on dope."

 

[icepickmaker84]

I think it was my third time ever using cannabis... I had a full bag of mint oreos. Had. Ate the entire thing within 5 minutes, then threw up


This is going to be a fun thread

I’ve been know to scrape the stuffing off several double stuff Oreos and stack it all in one cookie.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Fog n Vape]

I saw Steve Martin and his bluegrass band a few years ago at Ravinia Fest and he said one thing that sucked about being a bluegrass band was they didn’t have a drummer so they didn’t know what to do when they ran out of weed.

Being or used to being an upright bass player I've played many bluegrass festivals. One in particular I was probably the only person who puffed and whenever I'd go on stage the stage manager would wrinkle her nose and mention that whenever I came on stage they'd smell a skunk. So I answered back that whether its bluegrass or new grass as long as it's good grass it's alright with me.

 

[somdcomputerguy]

..so they didn’t know what to do when they ran out of weed.

This guy comes into a club where a band is playing, but they're out on break. So he gets up on the stage and says to everyone, "Look, we ought to tip these guys real well. I just saw them outside and they are so broke they only have one cigarette and they have to share it.."

 

[somdcomputerguy]

So this band comes back in after their break and before they start the bass player says, "You know when we were on the way back in I heard somebody say something about us being high on pot. Well, we're not high on anything. In fact, we're low on everything.."

 

[Sloth Tonight]

I was a bass player also. One time I was playing with this band that played this dark jazz cabaret sounding music. Well these guys weren't really into the herb, and it was a bummer because I loved to smoke and play music. One day the drummer says to me, "Hey, let's have a solo practice, rhythm section unite!" Alright, cool.

I go over to his house and he passes me a huge joint. I was surprised - had no idea he smoked, but it turns out he did and just didn't around the other band mates out of respect. That was the funnest practice I've ever had. This guy was an older gentleman who had many great stories of bands past. We smoked and played for hours. We played our favorite song for an hour straight because we were having so much fun.

Ok, no humor there, but it was a fun time, alright?

 

[icepickmaker84]

I was a bass player also. One time I was playing with this band that played this dark jazz cabaret sounding music. Well these guys weren't really into the herb, and it was a bummer because I loved to smoke and play music. One day the drummer says to me, "Hey, let's have a solo practice, rhythm section unite!" Alright, cool.

I go over to his house and he passes me a huge joint. I was surprised - had no idea he smoked, but it turns out he did and just didn't around the other band mates out of respect. That was the funnest practice I've ever had. This guy was an older gentleman who had many great stories of bands past. We smoked and played for hours. We played our favorite song for an hour straight because we were having so much fun.

Ok, no humor there, but it was a fun time, alright?

Drummer here, loved to toke and jam.

 

[Sloth Tonight]

Drummer here, loved to toke and jam.

Cool! Yeah, can't think of anything funner honestly!

 

[icepickmaker84]

Cool! Yeah, can't think of anything funner honestly!

That’s for sure! I really liked jamming to SRV covers.

 

[Sloth Tonight]

Another band story. My closest friends and I had a (somewhat deranged) band which defied description. Something of a cross between The Residents and Nobuo Uematsu. The whole point was to just smoke together and have fun creating whatever we felt like at the moment. We were together for years and went out with a bang in 2012. Chrissy was going to Guatemala for a year as a human-rights accompanier, so we planned a fundraiser for her to help cover the costs of travel.

The theme was obviously the Mayan calendar's "end of the world" scenario (which the Guatemalan's, according to Chrissy, were heavily making fun of...I don't think Americans understood that their calendar was cyclical ). The show began with a bunch of us parading down the downtown streets carrying a gigantic cardboard spaceship and dressed up like aliens. We were, of course, very high. We wound up jaywalking to the venue right in front of a police car, which stopped for us and the policeman was visibly laughing in his car. We "crash landed" the spaceship inside the venue, hopped on stage and started playing a song called "Disco Fetus."

And that was the funnest show of my entire life. 1.5 hours of jamming to a fairly large crowd. Managed to raise a large enough sum of money to cover her travel insurance, to boot! And it was rather emotional for me as this band was kind of my own project, which had evolved over the course of 6 or 7 years. To have such a well-attended, fun and meaningful finale was just really awesome.

Think there's a youtube video of a song or two from that show floating around...I'll try to find it.
Edit: NO! Unfortunately, they got deleted...I forgot that they were tied to a google account that I got rid of.

 

[somdcomputerguy]

.. the Mayan calendar's "end of the world" scenario (which the Guatemalan's, according to Chrissy, were heavily making fun of...I don't think Americans understood that their calendar was cyclical ).

 

[somdcomputerguy]

Didja know sandwiches fit perfectly in weed bags?

 

[sonicbomb]

I don't know any weed jokes, but I do know a few musician ones.

How do you know when the drum riser is level?
The drummer drools equally out of both sides of his mouth....

How many lead guitarists does it take to play a solo?
Sixteen, one to play it and fifteen other to moan about how they could have played it better...

 

[Sloth Tonight]

Please remember that images which contain profanity which would otherwise be censored by ECF are not allowed. That was a great meme but the only profane "S" word allowed on ECF is "Sloth"

Speaking of memes and sloths...