Cigs. Dang.

[AttyPops]

To the tune of "The ballad of Jed Clampett"
♪♫♪♫♩ ♪♫♪♫♩
Come and listen a story 'bout a cousin named Fred,
Poor Smoking Diabetic, nearly left himself all dead.
Then one day he was munch'n up some food,
into shock he went, and to a hospital bed.
(And had a stay, and a checkup, and an operation)

Well the first thing you know, old Fred swears off cigs.
Kin folk's doc said that's why he lost his leg.
Toes turned black so a wheelchair he shall see,
so he filled up the chair, and rolled over to me.
(Cousin that is, I drive him, heft chairs)

Well, now it's time to check the clock and see how he did
Ex-smoker lasted three weeks before caving in.
Fred's smok'n again, as sure as a hoot
Just bucking to lose, the other good foot.
(and the wounds don't heal well either)

Now Fred makes his cousin buy a pack of cigs,
asked him nicely 'cuz he didn't want to wheel in,
Cousin feels like a schmuck, but buys it on this day
last time he said "no", didn't change a thing anyway.
(Fred knows about vaping too. And gum, and patches.
Swears he'll quit cold turkey. So we hear.)
♪♫♪♫♩ ♪♫♪♫♩

Man. We all know how nasty those cigs are. Particularly for circulation problems and wound healing. Even for light-to-moderate smokers. This guy (my cousin) has it bad. Actually had a leg amputated and is having problems getting it to heal and still fell back on those nasty sticks.

I feel sorry for the guy. I don't want to "enable", but buying him the pack of cigs he needed today (with his money, he was out) just saved him a trip into the store. I even let him smoke in the car. It's a lot more work to have me get the chair out and his having to roll in. Last time I said "No"...but he lives withing rolling distance from a convenience store where he can buy them when he gets back home anyway.

Is that wrong? He knows about vaping. He knows to talk to his doctor about quit aids. Insists he'll quit cold turkey someday. Just too stressed.

Whatayagonnado?

First time in 3+ years and it wasn't even for me. lol. They sure do stink though.

Anyway, would you? Should I? IDK. His family gives him so much grief that I think it compounds the problem. Anyone else dealing with other smokers, while you're a vaper, and KNOW they have having problems and smoking is the cause or compounds it?

 

[ScottM]

Wow. Addiction. You can't make someone quit destructive behavior cycles. Simply do what is right for your, and let your heart guide and be the judge.

 

[AttyPops]

Yeah, my heart is torn between the "tough love" approach and the simple fact that he'll just get them 2 blocks from home anyway. How much guilt do I heap on the guy or myself?

I wish I could encourage e-cigs but I'm not even comfortable with that unless he talks to his doctor since nic is a vascular constrictor. Still better than cigs, and oxygen would be a LOT better. But he should talk to his doc 1st. I told him so.

He just insists that he'll "Cold Turkey" again soon.

To each their own. Those dang cigs are so nasty. Can't believed I smoked for almost 30 years. And I'm trying not to be "one of those" ex-smokers. But it's hard in this case.

 

[Robino1]

That's a tough call. The only thing I have is to compare it to is dealing with a drug addict or alcoholic. I know in those cases, it's better to not enable the addict. I get that it is not the same thing, but that's all I have knowledge of, personally. Yes, the addict will go and get their drug of choice, but it is better that you don't enable.

Granted the two are not the same thing, but in a sense, they kind of are. The only thing I can think of for you to try, leave a kit with him. If he uses it, great! It is better than smoking. If he chooses to wheel himself down to the store, it's totally on him at that point. Whether the doctor would approve or not, ecigs still have to be healthier! I would rather see you help in that way rather than getting the cigs for him.

Sorry that this is happening to your cousin

 

[CommaHolly]

sigh, I hear you,,,,,,

my MIL had cancer and emphysema, and I do believe the emphysema was worse,,,,,,,,,and she was STILL SMOKING.

never did get her on an E cigarette, but she has so many problems breathing now, she no longer smokes,,,,,,she can still barely breathe.

 

[AttyPops]

Yeah, I don't even feel comfortable giving him an e-cig. His doctor probably told him "no nic". But the cig thing is limited ....1 pack. The e-cig is a longer-term kit. Not that he has to refill it, but you get the idea. IDK.

Last time I made him do it himself (he wanted out at the gas station so I let him out!). Now, this time I know he'd just be miserable and get them anyway.

That whole "Enabler" thing bugs me in some situations. Others, I understand. But to a certain point I think there's practicality.

What really ticks me off is the fact that he asks. Knowing that 1) I'm an ex-smoker and 2) He's just being lazy and not wanting to wheel into the store himself (although I have to haul the chair out and in the car again...he's still not very mobile. No prosthetic yet.) and 3) He knows I want him to quit just like everyone else does.

Every time I give him a ride he fells "relieved" and smokes. Because, although I've told him about nic and quitting, he knows I know he smokes anyway and I'm not being...?hypocritical?...about his smoking. He gets a gentle lecture and recommendations to talk to his doc.

Somehow I get some of the guilt. That's what's stupid. I guess I need a thicker skin. I just hate to see him go through this. But what is ...is.

 

[Butters78]

You can lead a horse to water..

Sorry for your woes friend, I hope things go better for him.

I had the theme song playing in my head while I read your post, kudos for the creativity.

 

[ennagizer]

Man, the power of this addiction. We all know it well. As you said, whether you buy for him or not will not make a difference. If I was in your position, to keep peace and not have him harbor any resentment towards me, I'd probably buy them.

 

[Myrany]

Man, the power of this addiction. We all know it well. As you said, whether you buy for him or not will not make a difference. If I was in your position, to keep peace and not have him harbor any resentment towards me, I'd probably buy them.

See and I wouldn't (nor would I allow him to smoke in the car). At the end of the day I would have to live with myself and I couldn't if I helped him to smoke.

Been there once. When I was a teenage my little cousin (at the time she was 8) was babbling at me about various serious illegal substances. I blew it off and gave her the usual drugs are not cool/good thing lecture. Drugs Killed her at the age of 29. It still haunts me.

 

[Micchi]

I go through this a lot with my mom. She's a heavy smoker, and she's lost her leg to diabetes complications. She's on dialysis now, end stage renal failure. But she still insists on her cigs.

She's said that smoking is one of the few things she has left that she enjoys, and I can't argue with that. I figure, at this point, it really is whatever makes her happy. I wish she would stop, but if it gives her a little more joy in her last days...who am I say no?

 

[Whosback]

Atty sorry you are in a tough spot that is for sure.

I can see both sides of it. If you don't get him smokes yourself he will just go through a harder time and get to smoking anyway. If you do you're helping him harm himself in a way that is far worse.

I would still make him work out getting his cigs himself. It might appear cruel, but maybe the PITA of rolling to the store on him own might help he see all the trouble he goes through for smokes.

Vaping might be more long tern than one pack of smokes, but if he's going to get his nicotine anyway it might be better for a less harmful way. however you know his situation better than any of us. So trust your judgment on that one.

 

[ShariR]

You have to set the rules for what you can live with. This is a very difficult situation. No, you can not make him quit smoking. No more than you can make someone stop drinking or doing drugs. But you can set the parameters for what happens around you. No smoking in my car, I am not buying them and if you ask, no more rides. Down to no more visits for a while. You are carrying guilt for someone who does not care. Did it ever occur to you that he may not want to quit. He has already lost his leg. Maybe he just does not care about the smoking right now. There is no winning answer here. And nothing that is going to make you or him feel better. Just the best decision that you can make at the time. And what you can live with. I am sorry you are both in that situation.


I know that the above paragraph sounds harsh. I do not mean it to be. I have a sister in an enormous amount of pain from a broken back and failed back surgery 30 years ago. Depression and not caring about long term consequences are common with people in pain and with dire health conditions. She tells me that smoking is one of the few things she can enjoy now. And that was not said well, either.

 

[Robino1]

I go through this a lot with my mom. She's a heavy smoker, and she's lost her leg to diabetes complications. She's on dialysis now, end stage renal failure. But she still insists on her cigs.

She's said that smoking is one of the few things she has left that she enjoys, and I can't argue with that. I figure, at this point, it really is whatever makes her happy. I wish she would stop, but if it gives her a little more joy in her last days...who am I say no?

I agree with this, only because the damage is already done. Even if she stopped smoking, her health would not improve significantly enough for a better quality of life. At this point, yes, let her be happy.

With Atty's cousin, there is a very good chance his quality of life will improve significantly. Therein lies the conundrum.

 

[AttyPops]

Thanks for the comments.

Yeah it's tough. Like I more or less said....last time I did say "No". So what happened? I had to haul the chair out, he got in, wheeled himself into a gas station, got the smokes, wheeled back out, and I had to put the chair back in.

Didn't change a thing. So this time, I just got them because A) It wouldn't matter and B) saved me some work.

The other thing I should mention, is my GF smokes and she smokes in my car sometimes. Sometimes she vapes. She's encouraged to quit too.

But again, at what point are people responsible for their own decisions?

That's what bothers me about the whole "guilt trip" "enabler" thing. Where does "practical realist" override it? I think in a situation like this that people do what they do. They have to deal with their addiction.

And I'm sorry to say that's true for all addictions. Alcohol too. Or illegal drugs. It follows the same pattern. Addicts will lie, cover up, trick, and complain. In the end, there's nothing much YOU can do about THEIR issue. That's not to say you give up or buy them a case of drug-of-choice. You can say "No". But it probably won't matter. Wouldn't in this case.

I really wish he'd talk to his doctor about using NRT's or e-cigs. But I can't get a strait answer out of him, so the doc probably said "No nic at all" if he even talked to him.

 

[mattiem]

I am sorry to hear that you have been put in such a bad situation.

Stopping at the store and buying his smokes might not be the best thing to do for him. Leave it up to him to go through the struggle to get to the store on his own. And then what I would do is just leave him a simple to use PV. Maybe a couple of batteries and easy to fill juice delivery devices like eVods. Fill them with juice that you think he will like and then just leave him alone. Try to convince his family to leave him be. He is a grown man and like most adults the more he is pushed the harder he will push back. JMHO Good luck to both you and him.