CONTEST - The VOLT by SmokelessImage.com

[Imagine]

https://smokelessimage.com/

CONTEST - POST something funny a picture a joke etc.. everyone is allowed 2 entries. After 300 posts the post with the most "likes" will win our PRO KIT $64.95 VALUE!!
You Can collect your own "likes" if you want... no rules on how you get your "likes"

**edit you will have 2 days after the thread closes to collect all the like you can...that way post 300 has time to collect likes as well


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[spacekitty]

WooHoo!! Another contest!!!

I never had a chance to thank you for including me in the list of winners for the "Honorable Mention" prize in the last one, and to Congratulate all of the other Winners!!!
I'm gonna start digging through my files right now...

 

[Imagine]

It was fun!!!! All the winners kits went out today!!!

 

[kritter]

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show
in a small town in Minnesota.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde
jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts
shouting, "Ive heard enough of your stupid ... blonde jokes! What makes you think you
can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do
with her worth as a human being?
It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and
in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and
your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but
women in general and all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells,
"You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little smart-... on your knee!"

 

[kritter]

40 years of marriage..

A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being
loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my
darling husband The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two
tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic,
but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love,
but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...

The husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story:

Men who are ungrateful .......s should remember fairies are female...

 

[Kelsey]

IM BAAAACK!!!!!!!!!! and I brought Jim Carey with me

Now he plays DDR Dance the Forbidden Dance, Jim Carey.

 

[unsure]

 

[tyleris12]

Donald & Daisy

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.

The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"

Donald frowned and said, "No."

Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.

"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.

So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.

"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.

The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"

"Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'll thuffocate!"

 

[unsure]

This probably won't win but at least it will bump the thread back where it belongs!

 

[ISBN]

This is one of my favorites!!!!

 

[tyleris12]

Second post:

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to gather
the building materials for his home.

She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow
full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that
straw to build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think
the man said?'

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly...

'I think the man would have said - 'I'll be a son of a .....!! A talking pig!'

The teacher had to leave the room.

 

[HzG8rGrl]

As told by a little boy....


Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders".
Guess where I am now...

 

[hankbizzo5]

lets waste a post. Ty for another contest!!!!!!!

 

[Colts Fan]

 

[hankbizzo5]

.......... sry got to click to enlarge

 

[lynleestar]

I've gotten a good laugh out of this one for years!

YouTube - stoned journalist

 

[jj2]

 

[Lauralie]

One day a mom of two, worn out from her long day, decided to save a little time and put her three year old boy in the tub with her.

The little boy asked her, "Mom, why is your pee pee different than mine".

Easy enough she thought and responded, "I'm a girl and you're a boy".

The little boy then said, "Well why does yours have a mustache and mine doesn't?"

True story!

 

[Levitas]

I don't know if this is a little too... well, controversial - if so, let me know and I'll edit

 

[firhill]

Three labradors sitting in the veterinarians office one day, a yellow, a brown, and a black one.

Yellow lab says to the Brown one "What you here for?".
Brown lab answers. I get too excited.
"I can't hold anything in 'til I get outside. Yesterday I ...... all over the couch and
my owner got so mad he said "That's it-you're going to the vet tomorrow for some Prozac".
So here I am.

Brown lab says "Why are you here".
Yellow lab answers. "I'm always chewing on things.
I've ruined all the furniture by chewing on table legs 'n stuff but yesterday was the
last straw. I chewed up my owner's Mickey Mantle signed baseball and he was ......, he told
me I had to go to the vet and get put on Prozac."
So here I am.

They both look at the Black lab and ask why he's there.
Black lab tells them '"I'm always horny,
I have to hump everything I see. My owner has her friends come over and I'm always
goin' at it on their legs 'n stuff but last night was the final straw. She stepped outta the shower and still naked and she was bent over drying her legs and I happened to walk up behind her. I mean, I just couldn't resist, so I jumped her and started going at it full speed."

"Ahh, says the Yellow lab, so I guess you're here to for the Prozac too?"

"No, not at all" says the Black lab. "I'm here to get my nails clipped"