Contest - Win a GGTB! Brought to you by the man with the tight pants!

[Landhew]

Thanks to eJoker and Bruce of Clouds of Vapor for an awesomely fun contest!

A guy meets a ...... in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."

Browncoats Rule!

 

[Killjoy1]

A big thanks to Bruce @CoV and ejoker for providing such a tempting prize


BROWNCOATS RULE!!!





And since I've had some spectacularly befuddling moments with engineers today, how's about a couple engineer jokes:


To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer, Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"


Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

 

[Vape Ape]

Thanks to Bruce at COV and eJoker. You guys rock

It's Halloween and everyone's out trick-or-treating. A bartender is working the late-night shift at the bar. He looks outside and sees everyone in crazy costumes. He sighs and picks up a glass and starts cleaning it.

At around midnight, a guy in a vampire costume walks in and sits at the bar. He says to the bartender "Hi. I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

The bartender looks at him skeptically. "No you're not. You're just wearing a costume."

"No, no, really," he insists. "I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

"Alright," the bartender says. He goes in the back and comes out with a cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it right away.

"Thanks," he says, and leaves.

An hour later another vampire comes in and sits at the bar. He says "Hi, I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

"Okay," the bartender says and goes in the back again. He comes out with another cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it and leaves with a 'thanks'.

An hour later a third vampire comes in and sits at the bar. "Hi," he says to to the bartender. "I'm a vam..."

"I know, I know," the bartender interrupts. "You're a vampire and you want a cup of blood right?"

"Um, no," the vampire answers. "I AM a vampire, but I'd just like a glass of hot water please."

"Sure" the bartender says. He pours him a glass of hot water. As he gives it to the vampire he says "You know, there were two vampires that came in before you that wanted blood. How come you're just asking for water?"

Without answering the vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a used band-aid.

"Tea time."

BrownCoats Rule!

 

[pwyll]

How many Zoe's does it take to change a lightbulb?
One

I would think if Zoe was involved, the lightbulb would change itself

 

[Ceegary]

Thanks to Bruce at COV and eJoker.

A chicken and an egg were in bed together. The egg pulls back the cover and looks down in disgust.. "Well I guess it settle that question!"
BrownCoats Rule!

 

[blackwidow]

I want to start by thanking ejoker and Bruce at COV for this lovely prize they are giving away

A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."



I also think it is quite apparent that Browncoats rule!

 

[lion6255]

A big thanks to ejoker and Bruce of Clouds of Vapor for offering this prize because if I win this it will be the only way I will possibly own one of these awesome Mods

[/URL]






A pharmasist walked into his pharmacy to find a man leaning against the wall. "What's wrong with him?" he asked his assistant."He came in for cough syrup but I couldn't find any so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives."You idiot" said the chemist "You can't treat a cough with laxatives" "Of course you can" the assistant replied "Look at him, he's too scared to cough now!

Oh and by the way BROWNCOATS rule!!!!!!!!

 

[spacekitty]

First of all... a very special “thanks” to ejoker and Bruce from COV for putting up such a wonderful prize!!
And a big Thank You to Angus as well, for being the 'Host with the Most' once again!!!


Will I Live to see 80? (the "I" is not me... LOL!!)

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 61)

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

The doctor responded by asking, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'
'Oh no,' I replied . . . 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'
I said, 'Not much since my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, go on vacations or have a lot of sex?'
'No,' I said.

He looked at me and said, . . . 'Then, why do you even give a ??!!'

And just in case that doesn't count as a random funny pic... here's another one...

 

[kittypie]

Thanks to ejoker and Bruce for the contest!

BLONDE PAINT JOB
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

[/IMG]

I'm not sure what a Browncoat is, but BROWNCOATS RULE!

 

[skydragon]

A big Thank You to ejOker and Bruce from COV. Thank you as well Angus.



The joke. Me winning.

Okay a different one.
A jeweler called the police station to report a robbery. "You'll never believe what happened, Sergeant. A truck backed up to my store, the doors opened and an elephant came out. He broke my plate glass window, stuck his trunk in, sucked up all the jewelry and climbed back into the truck. The doors closed and the truck pulled away."
The desk sergeant said, "Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an Indian elephant or an African elephant?"
"What's the difference?" asked the jeweler.
"Well," said the sergeant, an African elephant has great big ears and an Indian elephant has little ears."
"Come to think of it, I couldn't see his ears," said the jeweler. "He had a stocking over his head."




And...................Browncoats Rule!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[JohnUK]

What a fun contest,good luck everyone!

GOVERNMENT WARNING: Do not swallow chewing gum!!

Yes I know its old but its one of my fav jokes.

VHF Channel 16 to US Navy Warship: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south, to avoid collision

US Navy Warship: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north, to avoid collision

VHF Ch 16: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south ' to avoid collision.

US Navy Warship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Warship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

VHF Ch 16: Negative. I say again, you will have to divert YOUR course

US Navy Warship: THIS IS THE LARGEST SHIP IN THE US NAVY SIXTH FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY 3 DESTROYERS, 3 CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT SHIPS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES TO THE NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS FLOTILLA.

VHF Channel 16: THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE ....... YOUR CALL!


I said to my dog "browncoats rule!" he thought I said "there's a brown cat in the room" lol

And finally a big thank you to ejoker and Bruce from COV for offering up such an awesome prize

 

[thughes]

Big thanks to ejoker and Bruce at COV! You guys rock!





Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.


Browncoats rule!

Good luck everybody!

 

[musiceqlslife21]

Thanks ejoker and Bruce from COV for a interesting contest and a great prize.

Why don't aliens eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.


Browncoats Rule!

 

[oly_r]

“thanks” to ejoker and Bruce from COV for the prize.
I was told to say Browncoats Rule! so i am. I really did like the show though.


My Pic:


My Joke:

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road in New York State one evening when an old cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't - the aged bovine was struck and killed.


Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.


"What happened to you?", asked Hillary?

"Well," the driver replied, "The farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made mad passionate love to me."

"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.

The driver replied :"I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm Hillary Clinton's chauffeur and I've just killed the old cow. The rest happened like lightning!"

 

[tyleris12]

Thanks to ejoker, and Bruce from Clouds of Vapor for the awesome prize and to Angus for this contest!!!!

"Browncoats Rule!"


Teacher: What do you call a person that keeps talking even after everyone stops listening?
Student: A teacher

 

[BryanL]

First and foremost, Thank You to ejoker and Bruce from COV... What a great contest

"Browncoats Rule!"

How did the blonde hurt herslef raking leaves?
She Fell out of the tree!

 

[TinyTimberGal]

A great big THANK YOU to eJoker and Bruce from COV for the great contest and prize!

[/IMG]



For all you guys who are the King of the castle, at least until their wife gets home...

Walking into the bar, Rick said to Charlie the bartender,

"Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie. "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Rick replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."

"Really? Now that's a switch. What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you chicken-....."


Oh, and Browncoats Rule...

[/IMG]

 

[mist]

A big thank you to ejoker, the awesome moderator and to Bruce from COV for this wonderful contest!

What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"What are you shaking for?" She's gonna eat me!"


And just incase Chewy thinking it didnt count, BROWNCOATS RULE!

 

[slammer]

Thanks to Ejoker and Bruce from COV for the great prize for this rockin contest.



What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
el-if-i-no

BROWNCOATS RULE and River is hot.

 

[Incognito™]

Thanks to ejoker and Bruce from COV!

An Irishman walks out of a bar.... it COULD happen.

Browncoats Rule!