Donated blood the other day. Now I can be secure in the knowledge that somewhere, some unfortunate person will wake up from an operation with the sudden ability to dance badly, sing off key loudly, and giggle a lot as they walk into things!!!
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I can't stop drinking the Coffee. If I stop doing the coffee thingy,I stop doing the standing thingy and the walking thingy and the putting-words-into sentences thingy.
If at the end if the day you have the same number of kids you started out with that morning, then you have done your job as a parent.
If at the end if the day you have one more kid than you started out with that morning, then you have done your job as a partner and lover. 
There comes a point in the day when you know you're no longer going to be productive. That moment for me is usually 8:03. a.m.
My face in the mirror isn't wrinkled or drawn. My house isn't dirty, the cobwebs are gone. My garden looks lovely and so does my lawn.
I think I might never put my glasses back on!!
I think I might never put my glasses back on!!
Get it right....
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure....
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure....
Okay, I do meditated, do a little Yoga, burn aroma-therapy candles, and try to become "one" with my inner self.
Still there are times when I feel like slapping the crap out of someone!!!
Still there are times when I feel like slapping the crap out of someone!!!
At night I hear the voice of pie and sometimes ice cream calling me to the fridge. Funny tho, broccoli and carrots are strangely quiet.....
Next time someone gets in your face yell "RIBS!"
When they look at you like you're crazy say, "Well, while you were in my grill, you might as well know what I'm cooking!"
When they look at you like you're crazy say, "Well, while you were in my grill, you might as well know what I'm cooking!"
Sorry, but your password must contain an upper case letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyphic, and the blood of a virgin.
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