A little "dark humor" for you on this beateous Monday morning!!!
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Happy Monday......
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Happy Monday......
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- Thread starter jj2
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If you have children, remember this: When you finish with them, the rest of the world has to live with them, so PLEASE teach them RESPECT....
Being a parent is knowing what it's like to see your heart on the outside of your body.....
To the person who affixed the word Coffee to the word Cake, thereby justifying the eating of cake for breakfast.....I salute you oh unnamed hero of the unhealthy!!
For all the taxes that they take out of paychecks, the least they could do is send pictures of the family that is being supported to be hung on the fridge!!
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When you get old, your secrets are safe with your friends. They'll never share them because they can't remember them either.
I will praise you in the storm. I will lift my hands. For you are who you are, no matter where I am....
Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or an idiot from any direction.
Lord, my soul is ripped with riot, incited by my wicked diet.
"We are what we eat", said a wise old man, Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can.
To rise on Judgement Day, it's plain, with my present weight I'll need a crane.
So grant me strength that I may not fall, into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot-curls be dated, that my soul may be polyunsaturated.
And show me the light that I may bear witness, to the President's Council on Physical Fitness.
And at oleo-margarine I'll never mutter, for the road to Hell is paved with butter.
And cream is cursed, and cake is awful, and Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in pepperoni, the Devil himself in each slice of bologna.
Beelzebub is a chocolate drop, and Lucifer is a lollipop.
Give me this day my daily slice, cut it thin and toast it twice.
I beg upon my dimpled knees, deliver me from jujubes.
And when my days of trial are done, and my war with malted milk eggs won.
Let me stand with the Heavenly throng, in a shining robe, size 4 long.
I can do it Lord, if you show to me, the virtues of lettuce and celery.
Teach me the evil of mayonnaise, and of pasta Alla Milanese.
And crisp fried chicken from the south, Lord, if you love me, SHUT MY MOUTH!!
Amen.
Victor Buono
"We are what we eat", said a wise old man, Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can.
To rise on Judgement Day, it's plain, with my present weight I'll need a crane.
So grant me strength that I may not fall, into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot-curls be dated, that my soul may be polyunsaturated.
And show me the light that I may bear witness, to the President's Council on Physical Fitness.
And at oleo-margarine I'll never mutter, for the road to Hell is paved with butter.
And cream is cursed, and cake is awful, and Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in pepperoni, the Devil himself in each slice of bologna.
Beelzebub is a chocolate drop, and Lucifer is a lollipop.
Give me this day my daily slice, cut it thin and toast it twice.
I beg upon my dimpled knees, deliver me from jujubes.
And when my days of trial are done, and my war with malted milk eggs won.
Let me stand with the Heavenly throng, in a shining robe, size 4 long.
I can do it Lord, if you show to me, the virtues of lettuce and celery.
Teach me the evil of mayonnaise, and of pasta Alla Milanese.
And crisp fried chicken from the south, Lord, if you love me, SHUT MY MOUTH!!
Amen.
Victor Buono
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<------is happy to be alive.........
But then again, I was happy when I found matching socks this morning.......
But then again, I was happy when I found matching socks this morning.......
I'm not the cat lady type, I'm more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time, I want to claw your eyes out and pee in your shoe......
Don't become so preoccupied with your destination that you forget to enjoy the journey. Life is too short.......don't be afraid to live it.
And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world.
Then He made the earth round.....and he laughed and laughed and laughed......
Then He made the earth round.....and he laughed and laughed and laughed......
Here's to hoping the wind at your back doesn't come from the corn beef and cabbage that you have today for dinner!!
Good morning Koman.
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what is the first thing you would buy?
Finally catching up!
Oh my sides hurt from laughing... thank you for the chuckles and the exercise!Hi JJ, Lori, Fudgey, and all DC readers.
PS. I just had my first experience with the new Photobucket!
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