I notice Sunffualupogus (Well YOU SPELL IT) isn't there. It's not because he had to hastily avoid jumping ship so everyone would think he was like, imaginary. It's because he is in internet heaven.
I remember when like Sesame street used to be GOOD. They had a "scary" count (I have yet to meet any child who knew the count who found him scary AT ALL) and they had an "imaginary" friend (and anyone who has ever had an imaginary friend (raises hand) knows perfectly well they are not confusing at all, nor are they NECESSARILY a sign of like future psychosis. I mean.... I sort of have to waveringly put my hand up here, but that was mainly because like, other stuff. I think. I don't think an imaginary friend is a future predictor of like psychosis is what I am saying. Nor does the literature. Moms were jealous. They were like "How come the red hairy trunk thing gets to flee anytime ANYONE approaches and THEY have to deal with my child alone?"
The cookie monster, well, that one was inevitable. But I will note the rate of diabetes has only INCREASED exponentially since the Cookie monster left. He probably desensitized you to wanting cookies because I NEVER got as many as the Cookie monster. Yet, I learned to cope.
Then Oscar the Grouch. He KICKED .... is what he did. I had a little I guess now one could call it an app but somehow I loaded it (or maybe a friend did) and it turned my trashcan on my Mac into a little "Oscar the Grouch" trashcan where it would lift up when I deposited files and it would sing the Grouch song. It was great. Sometimes when I was drunk and cranky I would practice my typing skills by typing the "Quick brown fox yeah I done typed that enough" 10 times over and then put the file in there and time it. I suppose I should note computers were.... well there was less entertainment to be had. It was still really entertaining.
Now we have Elmo. The thing that talks BABY TALK at you. YOU do NOT TALK baby talk to a baby, I am sorry. It's fine to use the high pitch and all that because they have discovered babies hear better in the register and separating and enunciating is also FINE. But, you don't go "Goo gooo ahggha ooh ye stinkeee littel pooppep mommmmy wipin heeere!" You say, "I had not idea you were capable of such vileness, and I hear it's only going to get worse as I introduce solid foods. But NOTHING could be worse than breast feeding you until the age of nine, so I'm going to do it." You just do it baby talk "manner."
If you do that your child will be as smart or smarter than you.
I Hate ELMO with all my heart. I hope he is in internet HELL.
But, that's what you get with Safe Spaces.
Let me ask you something? Have you ever had "fun" in a safe space? Even if you think you have, like I had a GREAT time outsmarting about 16 kids during laser tag because my kid boasted SO HARD about beating me, and I found the enemy base, discovered it reset, and then picked the kids off from above the entire time. IT WAS GREAT. It was probably because I said to my Creator, "He is being such a turd. I am BEGGGING you to let me win and I will do my part."
So I did and I HAD THE BEST TIME EVER.
But, the entire time, a huge meteor could have hit the earth, they say they track them and maybe they do but do you know how vast SPACE is? They don't. Also, I could have had a heart attack in there and no one would have even FOUND me until the end of the day, because um, yeah, I would be laying there all spent not pulsating in the neon dark.
So....
Anna
I remember when like Sesame street used to be GOOD. They had a "scary" count (I have yet to meet any child who knew the count who found him scary AT ALL) and they had an "imaginary" friend (and anyone who has ever had an imaginary friend (raises hand) knows perfectly well they are not confusing at all, nor are they NECESSARILY a sign of like future psychosis. I mean.... I sort of have to waveringly put my hand up here, but that was mainly because like, other stuff. I think. I don't think an imaginary friend is a future predictor of like psychosis is what I am saying. Nor does the literature. Moms were jealous. They were like "How come the red hairy trunk thing gets to flee anytime ANYONE approaches and THEY have to deal with my child alone?"
The cookie monster, well, that one was inevitable. But I will note the rate of diabetes has only INCREASED exponentially since the Cookie monster left. He probably desensitized you to wanting cookies because I NEVER got as many as the Cookie monster. Yet, I learned to cope.
Then Oscar the Grouch. He KICKED .... is what he did. I had a little I guess now one could call it an app but somehow I loaded it (or maybe a friend did) and it turned my trashcan on my Mac into a little "Oscar the Grouch" trashcan where it would lift up when I deposited files and it would sing the Grouch song. It was great. Sometimes when I was drunk and cranky I would practice my typing skills by typing the "Quick brown fox yeah I done typed that enough" 10 times over and then put the file in there and time it. I suppose I should note computers were.... well there was less entertainment to be had. It was still really entertaining.
Now we have Elmo. The thing that talks BABY TALK at you. YOU do NOT TALK baby talk to a baby, I am sorry. It's fine to use the high pitch and all that because they have discovered babies hear better in the register and separating and enunciating is also FINE. But, you don't go "Goo gooo ahggha ooh ye stinkeee littel pooppep mommmmy wipin heeere!" You say, "I had not idea you were capable of such vileness, and I hear it's only going to get worse as I introduce solid foods. But NOTHING could be worse than breast feeding you until the age of nine, so I'm going to do it." You just do it baby talk "manner."
If you do that your child will be as smart or smarter than you.
I Hate ELMO with all my heart. I hope he is in internet HELL.
But, that's what you get with Safe Spaces.
Let me ask you something? Have you ever had "fun" in a safe space? Even if you think you have, like I had a GREAT time outsmarting about 16 kids during laser tag because my kid boasted SO HARD about beating me, and I found the enemy base, discovered it reset, and then picked the kids off from above the entire time. IT WAS GREAT. It was probably because I said to my Creator, "He is being such a turd. I am BEGGGING you to let me win and I will do my part."
So I did and I HAD THE BEST TIME EVER.
But, the entire time, a huge meteor could have hit the earth, they say they track them and maybe they do but do you know how vast SPACE is? They don't. Also, I could have had a heart attack in there and no one would have even FOUND me until the end of the day, because um, yeah, I would be laying there all spent not pulsating in the neon dark.
So....
Anna
