Deeper Thoughts & Inner Weirdom 2
- Thread starter Kn0ttYFive
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As promised. It's lengthy. I don't think I deserve to get in trouble for posting this, I mean I already lived it.
Okay so the husband and I had started dating, and we had decided to take our first trip. Ever since my parents took my older brother to Niagara falls and left me behind (promising me a future trip that never materialized) I had wanted to see this magical place. Part of it was grudge holding, yes, but the majority of it was curiosity, I mean Niagara Falls is AWESOME right?
Ironically leaving my 4 year hold BEHIND to my mom’s tender care (I don’t think he was oh so interested though) we decided to go there. It was January (my first mistake) so I had this red coat kind of made of pillow stuff and larger than a couch. It was pretty ugly, but mainly it was ALL enveloping.
I had started this weird diet, and for a moment, I forgot why, but now I remember. Like, I had been dx bipolar by this time and I was SUPER invested in NEVER going back to the hospital again, but still kinda pretty naïve about drugs and stuff and whatnot. So, I was taking this one antipsychotic, Seroquel, forever and it was like, okay and everything, I mean it worked. But I had a (great) doc who like at the time was kind of a tinkerer like he stayed on top of everything new, and he was all fired up about this drug Zyprexa and to be fair, it is a RATHER awesome antipsychotic I was never more stable than when taking it and I could take this CRAZY low dose and still be fine so it held appeal.
So I was what, like 27-ish and I was like developing what I thought was some sort of eating disorder I mean I was NEVER full and also, I’d go get candy from the corner store like a full size Twix, some donuts, some potato chips, a king size snickers etc. and then well, sometimes I’d EAT it ALL and then drive BACK a few more times in one day. Demoralizing.
So, this was disturbing really. A) never feeling full SUCKS and like b) I was a fairly young woman but I’d WORKED at an eating dx unit and like, technically I was kinda TOO OLD to turn bulimic and stuff, I’d had a kid and not freaked out being pregnant, nothing. However, I was also A YOUNG woman like 27ish and I had no wish to get fat either so when I could manage it I was having days of like, fasting and over exercising and all, but ONLY to compensate for never feeling full and going to purchase and consume half the corner store or whatever. My therapist and psychiatrist were mystified (at the time, it later came out that Zyprexa can cause this side effect in a minority of folks, only it was too new for anyone to find out about yet) they were all like, “Yeah you must be this super freaky odd type of bulimic,” I mean I was ANNOYED.
So in the meantime, since 12 step groups were like, working (for alcohol and whatnot) I happened to run into this social worker who like, had developed a 12 step group for overeaters that included a DIET. This was not like Overeaters Anonymous where like, people stay fat and just complain about food (well, most of them) this was like this SUPER FOOD PROGRAM where you had to buy the book and keep up with the website because you had to weigh and measure EVERYTHING and every now and then the creator of this program “Recovery from Food Addiction” or whatever it was called would issue forth STRICT edicts, like, “BANANAS NOW NOT OKAY” etc. She was SUPER all about the glycemic index and eating for heath, not anything else, but if you followed this diet as an overeater, you were GOING to get skinny, I have never OWNED as much food measuring items as I did at that time. And meetings, I mean MEETINGS were like INTENSE (people would share their fat photos and they were now skinny) and you also NEEDED them for support, man, because this diet SUUUCKED, it was HORRID and the chances of you being able to eat ANYONE else’s food say at a barbeque or WHATEVER, even your mom’s house, you would have to arrive with like your pathetic bowl of chicken and salad and whatever, like, you couldn’t have sauces or spices or anything nice that made food taste palatable and might lead to a “binge episode.” You would have to explain it using this script and I bet everyone who came into contact with you and had lovingly cooked for you felt AWFUL and was like, “What an ungrateful (censored word).” Let me just say I was NOT a fan of the diet.
Also, there was some comparative shaming like at first the chicks in the meeting were like, “You are too skinny to be here” and made me expose my stomach and I had to all explain about the binging and fasting and over exercising but eventually we were cool and stuff, so then I would have to “confess my food sins” like, dude, “I ate 4 extra ounces of Turkey today. No skin but I might’ve if like, I hadn’t already skinned it.”
“What were your reasons?” one of them would say. Well, I had not been molested by a parent or anything deep or dark and I did not KNOW about the Zyprexa yet, so I would have to answer all lame like, “I was just INCREDIBLY hungry and it seemed better than 3 snickers bars somehow.” And I would be viewed suspiciously like and advised to “think about it more,” and to “rely on my higher power.”
So the whole FOOD part of my life SUCKED but I was going to Niagara falls and like, I was excited. We discovered the COOL part of Niagara falls was on the Canadian side, so we went over to check it out, the falls might have been frozen but like, IT WAS AMAZING. It also contained the Ripley’s believe it or not museum. Of course I wanted to go, I mean DUH.
So, I should explain another aspect of the diet, foods were limited so for breakfast I was making muffins (without flour obviously) and they contained a lot of cottage cheese. I was never a big cottage cheese eater but NOW I was especially for this trip because the muffins stored well. I began to have gastric episodes of farting that were edging toward uncomfortable. I mean I was a therapist, and that meant I was often trapped in a room with ONE person, alone, and well everyone knows if THEY have farted or not in that situation and etc., and it was getting to the point where I was gonna have to either abandon the diet or get a new career because I was CLOSE to not being able to contain them and like, these were not the type of farts you either want to apologize for or claim in any way. I was considering emailing the founder to find out if there was anything I could do, I mean… But I was like, “I will take this trip first.”
So a lot of sad stuff happened, like stopping for a meal at a famous steak house and me ordering like plain broccoli a baked potato of the right size and 4 oz of unseasoned STEAK yeah forget dessert and I was eating a TON of cottage cheese muffins because they kept and good luck finding what I needed at Denny’s.
So we entered the museum and I had been farting outside outdoors but the coat kind of contained matters, in a way, but I was not happy. We went to Rappley’s and it was this tiny rabbit warren of oddities and the rooms were small and confusing and like little corridors connected them. Many families were wandering around and mostly, I was thinking it was pretty cool.
Only, as I entered a slightly larger room with a wax statue of the Fattest Man in the world, he was clothed in a loincloth and kind of Dripping in a way, like he was super overheated and sweaty. He was spinning around on a pedestal so you could see all his glorious fatness.
As I gazed in astonishment, I felt the UNREEDEMABLE (as far as containing it) sense of having to fart. Now, there is farting and there is farting, but you know how some farts? As they exit, they are going to be bad, nay catastrophic? This one was like a gigantic WOOSH, and it was that type of fart that is also unpleasantly hot (like the fat dude) you ever feel one of those farts, well, you know it is OVER.
So my husband was on the other side of the room, and per his version, I came over with “tragic panic” across my face, and said a few key words. “We need to leave this room. And I mean NOW.” He also stated I was flapping my coat like a raven flaps its wings and man I do not remember even, but I bet I was thinking, “I need to get this fart as far away from me as possible.”
Prior to my arrival, my husband describes like, “I smelled this UNBEARABLE smell. I mean, it was THICK. I wondered, are they doing kind of all senses GO in this room and they made the fat man smell like this on purpose?”
LOL, only other families were saying stuff like, “OH MAN IT STINKS IN HERE!” and like, “Quick we got to get out!” and stuff, and I felt a lot of fear like I might have poisoned them and/or ruined their Ripley’s experience or whatever I mean there was nose holding and ALL SORTS OF STUFF.
Anyway, my husband couldn’t stop laughing he said I had the “look of a little girl deeply in trouble” and like, I WAS IN TROUBLE. He teased me mercilessly for EVER about it, and secretly I was wondering (not a ton of air ducts in Ripley’s) if they had to call exterminators or something. I think a lot of people asked for their money back though as they inquired as to our experience and whatnot and I said, “I couldn’t believe it… or what happened.”
When we finally got out, I ate a candy bar. It was pretty good, but in no way really helped.
In any case we did eventually get back to the US and I emailed the founder and she was all like, “Yes, cottage cheese can do that to some people,” and I was like, “Jesus lady, that should be in your BOOK somewhere actually that should be ONE STEP, like, “Came to believe that for some of us, cottage cheese did not have our welfare at heart.” SOMETHING.
So later on, my psychiatrist and therapist were like, “This poor chick, (I was pretty done with recovery from food addiction by then) we have to do something” and they like, put me on Prozac as a treatment for Bulimia since I was “so stable” they thought I could like, handle it, only haha, SSRIs make me crazy manic so I would up relapsing and nuts and back in rehab. For some reason IDK maybe I was having subconscious awakenings or whatnot but I was like, “F all this just PUT ME BACK ON SEROQUEL” and life got better once more.
Never since that day has cottage cheese darkened my teeth, and never again have I farted in the kind of manner that would clear not just a ROOM but an ENTIRE museum of IMPLAUSIBLE things.
So life was good, until we took the kid to Niagara falls (in the summer, we learned our lesson) and of course he wanted to go to the museum (mainly for the stuff, although I think my husband told the kid the fart story too) he told EVERYONE.
It was several years later but I still swear, as I approached the fat man in a loincloth, I still felt in the air the remainders of that fart, really the kind of fart that makes you, the farter, want to puke a little in your OWN mouth…. It was still present in the edges of the room and in the corners….:
Believe it… or not.
Anna
Okay so the husband and I had started dating, and we had decided to take our first trip. Ever since my parents took my older brother to Niagara falls and left me behind (promising me a future trip that never materialized) I had wanted to see this magical place. Part of it was grudge holding, yes, but the majority of it was curiosity, I mean Niagara Falls is AWESOME right?
Ironically leaving my 4 year hold BEHIND to my mom’s tender care (I don’t think he was oh so interested though) we decided to go there. It was January (my first mistake) so I had this red coat kind of made of pillow stuff and larger than a couch. It was pretty ugly, but mainly it was ALL enveloping.
I had started this weird diet, and for a moment, I forgot why, but now I remember. Like, I had been dx bipolar by this time and I was SUPER invested in NEVER going back to the hospital again, but still kinda pretty naïve about drugs and stuff and whatnot. So, I was taking this one antipsychotic, Seroquel, forever and it was like, okay and everything, I mean it worked. But I had a (great) doc who like at the time was kind of a tinkerer like he stayed on top of everything new, and he was all fired up about this drug Zyprexa and to be fair, it is a RATHER awesome antipsychotic I was never more stable than when taking it and I could take this CRAZY low dose and still be fine so it held appeal.
So I was what, like 27-ish and I was like developing what I thought was some sort of eating disorder I mean I was NEVER full and also, I’d go get candy from the corner store like a full size Twix, some donuts, some potato chips, a king size snickers etc. and then well, sometimes I’d EAT it ALL and then drive BACK a few more times in one day. Demoralizing.
So, this was disturbing really. A) never feeling full SUCKS and like b) I was a fairly young woman but I’d WORKED at an eating dx unit and like, technically I was kinda TOO OLD to turn bulimic and stuff, I’d had a kid and not freaked out being pregnant, nothing. However, I was also A YOUNG woman like 27ish and I had no wish to get fat either so when I could manage it I was having days of like, fasting and over exercising and all, but ONLY to compensate for never feeling full and going to purchase and consume half the corner store or whatever. My therapist and psychiatrist were mystified (at the time, it later came out that Zyprexa can cause this side effect in a minority of folks, only it was too new for anyone to find out about yet) they were all like, “Yeah you must be this super freaky odd type of bulimic,” I mean I was ANNOYED.
So in the meantime, since 12 step groups were like, working (for alcohol and whatnot) I happened to run into this social worker who like, had developed a 12 step group for overeaters that included a DIET. This was not like Overeaters Anonymous where like, people stay fat and just complain about food (well, most of them) this was like this SUPER FOOD PROGRAM where you had to buy the book and keep up with the website because you had to weigh and measure EVERYTHING and every now and then the creator of this program “Recovery from Food Addiction” or whatever it was called would issue forth STRICT edicts, like, “BANANAS NOW NOT OKAY” etc. She was SUPER all about the glycemic index and eating for heath, not anything else, but if you followed this diet as an overeater, you were GOING to get skinny, I have never OWNED as much food measuring items as I did at that time. And meetings, I mean MEETINGS were like INTENSE (people would share their fat photos and they were now skinny) and you also NEEDED them for support, man, because this diet SUUUCKED, it was HORRID and the chances of you being able to eat ANYONE else’s food say at a barbeque or WHATEVER, even your mom’s house, you would have to arrive with like your pathetic bowl of chicken and salad and whatever, like, you couldn’t have sauces or spices or anything nice that made food taste palatable and might lead to a “binge episode.” You would have to explain it using this script and I bet everyone who came into contact with you and had lovingly cooked for you felt AWFUL and was like, “What an ungrateful (censored word).” Let me just say I was NOT a fan of the diet.
Also, there was some comparative shaming like at first the chicks in the meeting were like, “You are too skinny to be here” and made me expose my stomach and I had to all explain about the binging and fasting and over exercising but eventually we were cool and stuff, so then I would have to “confess my food sins” like, dude, “I ate 4 extra ounces of Turkey today. No skin but I might’ve if like, I hadn’t already skinned it.”
“What were your reasons?” one of them would say. Well, I had not been molested by a parent or anything deep or dark and I did not KNOW about the Zyprexa yet, so I would have to answer all lame like, “I was just INCREDIBLY hungry and it seemed better than 3 snickers bars somehow.” And I would be viewed suspiciously like and advised to “think about it more,” and to “rely on my higher power.”
So the whole FOOD part of my life SUCKED but I was going to Niagara falls and like, I was excited. We discovered the COOL part of Niagara falls was on the Canadian side, so we went over to check it out, the falls might have been frozen but like, IT WAS AMAZING. It also contained the Ripley’s believe it or not museum. Of course I wanted to go, I mean DUH.
So, I should explain another aspect of the diet, foods were limited so for breakfast I was making muffins (without flour obviously) and they contained a lot of cottage cheese. I was never a big cottage cheese eater but NOW I was especially for this trip because the muffins stored well. I began to have gastric episodes of farting that were edging toward uncomfortable. I mean I was a therapist, and that meant I was often trapped in a room with ONE person, alone, and well everyone knows if THEY have farted or not in that situation and etc., and it was getting to the point where I was gonna have to either abandon the diet or get a new career because I was CLOSE to not being able to contain them and like, these were not the type of farts you either want to apologize for or claim in any way. I was considering emailing the founder to find out if there was anything I could do, I mean… But I was like, “I will take this trip first.”
So a lot of sad stuff happened, like stopping for a meal at a famous steak house and me ordering like plain broccoli a baked potato of the right size and 4 oz of unseasoned STEAK yeah forget dessert and I was eating a TON of cottage cheese muffins because they kept and good luck finding what I needed at Denny’s.
So we entered the museum and I had been farting outside outdoors but the coat kind of contained matters, in a way, but I was not happy. We went to Rappley’s and it was this tiny rabbit warren of oddities and the rooms were small and confusing and like little corridors connected them. Many families were wandering around and mostly, I was thinking it was pretty cool.
Only, as I entered a slightly larger room with a wax statue of the Fattest Man in the world, he was clothed in a loincloth and kind of Dripping in a way, like he was super overheated and sweaty. He was spinning around on a pedestal so you could see all his glorious fatness.
As I gazed in astonishment, I felt the UNREEDEMABLE (as far as containing it) sense of having to fart. Now, there is farting and there is farting, but you know how some farts? As they exit, they are going to be bad, nay catastrophic? This one was like a gigantic WOOSH, and it was that type of fart that is also unpleasantly hot (like the fat dude) you ever feel one of those farts, well, you know it is OVER.
So my husband was on the other side of the room, and per his version, I came over with “tragic panic” across my face, and said a few key words. “We need to leave this room. And I mean NOW.” He also stated I was flapping my coat like a raven flaps its wings and man I do not remember even, but I bet I was thinking, “I need to get this fart as far away from me as possible.”
Prior to my arrival, my husband describes like, “I smelled this UNBEARABLE smell. I mean, it was THICK. I wondered, are they doing kind of all senses GO in this room and they made the fat man smell like this on purpose?”
LOL, only other families were saying stuff like, “OH MAN IT STINKS IN HERE!” and like, “Quick we got to get out!” and stuff, and I felt a lot of fear like I might have poisoned them and/or ruined their Ripley’s experience or whatever I mean there was nose holding and ALL SORTS OF STUFF.
Anyway, my husband couldn’t stop laughing he said I had the “look of a little girl deeply in trouble” and like, I WAS IN TROUBLE. He teased me mercilessly for EVER about it, and secretly I was wondering (not a ton of air ducts in Ripley’s) if they had to call exterminators or something. I think a lot of people asked for their money back though as they inquired as to our experience and whatnot and I said, “I couldn’t believe it… or what happened.”
When we finally got out, I ate a candy bar. It was pretty good, but in no way really helped.
In any case we did eventually get back to the US and I emailed the founder and she was all like, “Yes, cottage cheese can do that to some people,” and I was like, “Jesus lady, that should be in your BOOK somewhere actually that should be ONE STEP, like, “Came to believe that for some of us, cottage cheese did not have our welfare at heart.” SOMETHING.
So later on, my psychiatrist and therapist were like, “This poor chick, (I was pretty done with recovery from food addiction by then) we have to do something” and they like, put me on Prozac as a treatment for Bulimia since I was “so stable” they thought I could like, handle it, only haha, SSRIs make me crazy manic so I would up relapsing and nuts and back in rehab. For some reason IDK maybe I was having subconscious awakenings or whatnot but I was like, “F all this just PUT ME BACK ON SEROQUEL” and life got better once more.
Never since that day has cottage cheese darkened my teeth, and never again have I farted in the kind of manner that would clear not just a ROOM but an ENTIRE museum of IMPLAUSIBLE things.
So life was good, until we took the kid to Niagara falls (in the summer, we learned our lesson) and of course he wanted to go to the museum (mainly for the stuff, although I think my husband told the kid the fart story too) he told EVERYONE.
It was several years later but I still swear, as I approached the fat man in a loincloth, I still felt in the air the remainders of that fart, really the kind of fart that makes you, the farter, want to puke a little in your OWN mouth…. It was still present in the edges of the room and in the corners….:
Believe it… or not.
Anna
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Can't rate that post. It was way beyond funny.
I do believe it Anna.
I don't know quite what to say.
Other than, may your life go well.
So, I'll leave it at that.
I don't know quite what to say.
Other than, may your life go well.
So, I'll leave it at that.
Love your writing style, Anna. It has a certain "air" to it...
Love the story too. I DO wonder tho, what the fact that I liked it really says about me.....
Love the story too. I DO wonder tho, what the fact that I liked it really says about me.....
What does "TL;DR" mean?
My conclusion is that TL;DR is an abbreviation that is defined by the context in which it is used?
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