Deeper Thoughts & Inner Weirdom 2
- Thread starter Kn0ttYFive
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I want to put this on my work badge only like, I am worried it might cause a bit of... Concern about my capabilities. Actually today for the first time I woke up not feeling like death. I felt like death was beside me, but I wasn't actually feeling it. That would be so nice if it continued.
Anna
Anna
I think this is some sort of dating ad?
And yet somehow a part of me is like, "I don't want to see this lady as roadkill."
Then another part of me says, "Oh, YES I DO."
I was looking for "funny pics when you really want to slap someone."
I suppose it is actually apropos, in a way.
GUTS!
Anna
And yet somehow a part of me is like, "I don't want to see this lady as roadkill."
Then another part of me says, "Oh, YES I DO."
I was looking for "funny pics when you really want to slap someone."
I suppose it is actually apropos, in a way.
GUTS!
Anna
Deeply wrong those posts. LOL.
Especially the TEETH, imagine coming across that before 6 am.
Anna
Especially the TEETH, imagine coming across that before 6 am.
Anna
Fortunately I remember texting my boss before I fell asleep on the couch until 10 a.m. and whatnot but holy goodness, usually once I've taken my Adderall I am up.
I don't know what happened besides this Horrible Benzo taper and I don't know what to do: I have more valium and I am supposed to take it. But apparently TOO much makes you tired, and too little makes you TRIPPY.
All of it is bringing me much Misery I must say. I WANT to get it over with, man but I am also skeered.
Anna
then stop all drugs...
Fortunately I remember texting my boss before I fell asleep on the couch until 10 a.m. and whatnot but holy goodness, usually once I've taken my Adderall I am up.
I don't know what happened besides this Horrible Benzo taper and I don't know what to do: I have more valium and I am supposed to take it. But apparently TOO much makes you tired, and too little makes you TRIPPY.
All of it is bringing me much Misery I must say. I WANT to get it over with, man but I am also skeered.
Anna
that was easy!
I have been with myself drugless, Astro. I have to be honest, it's not a good time. Usually, tragedy happens. Also, I damage myself and usually the people I love, or ever have loved.
Also, I am a rapid metabolizer. I don't take these kind of doses on purpose.
I kinda wish I could stop the benzos (except for the like, awesome side effect of them) but I had been benzoless for like 15 years, and then my husband had his nervous breakdown while my kid was entrenched in his teen years and I was working 70 hour weeks .
My doc was so eager for me to NOT be on benzos he tried Zoloft first. I told him, "Okay, doc, and I'm going to need an appointment at two weeks in. You can observe me. Or, you can fix it. I am also happy to return at four weeks in, and you can fix me harder.
LOL he waited til the four weeks, and then he pretty much handed me a bottle of "take as much as you want" benzodiazepine and said to get myself to normalcy. He also told me not to lose my job and I was like, "I am not going to lose my job, are you nuts, we need health insurance."
LOL
"Just stop the drugs" has the hallmark of a nice gentleman who has not seen an ADHD type ONE (if they went higher than one, like one hundred, I'd meet criteria) Bipolar person. Wo goes manic and then it's ALL thought and believe me I think fast but not organized.
I have seriously sat down with the husband to plan out how to raid pharmacies when Armageddon comes. I'm pretty sure I will be Left Behind and I'm okay with that but I REFUSE to do it drugless.
It wouldn't be right. I don't want to wrestle up a bunch of foot soldiers (I am SUPER persuasive when manic I get this shiny thing that confuses people) and then lead them into certain doom.
If I have to meet Satan it's not going to be drugless. I want to win.
Also this is just me TALKING about drugs, so imagine if there were none an what I might be posting then
I'm coming for your charging plate, BTW. Just because you said it.
Anna
Anna
Also, I am a rapid metabolizer. I don't take these kind of doses on purpose.
I kinda wish I could stop the benzos (except for the like, awesome side effect of them) but I had been benzoless for like 15 years, and then my husband had his nervous breakdown while my kid was entrenched in his teen years and I was working 70 hour weeks .
My doc was so eager for me to NOT be on benzos he tried Zoloft first. I told him, "Okay, doc, and I'm going to need an appointment at two weeks in. You can observe me. Or, you can fix it. I am also happy to return at four weeks in, and you can fix me harder.
LOL he waited til the four weeks, and then he pretty much handed me a bottle of "take as much as you want" benzodiazepine and said to get myself to normalcy. He also told me not to lose my job and I was like, "I am not going to lose my job, are you nuts, we need health insurance."
LOL
"Just stop the drugs" has the hallmark of a nice gentleman who has not seen an ADHD type ONE (if they went higher than one, like one hundred, I'd meet criteria) Bipolar person. Wo goes manic and then it's ALL thought and believe me I think fast but not organized.
I have seriously sat down with the husband to plan out how to raid pharmacies when Armageddon comes. I'm pretty sure I will be Left Behind and I'm okay with that but I REFUSE to do it drugless.
It wouldn't be right. I don't want to wrestle up a bunch of foot soldiers (I am SUPER persuasive when manic I get this shiny thing that confuses people) and then lead them into certain doom.
If I have to meet Satan it's not going to be drugless. I want to win.
Also this is just me TALKING about drugs, so imagine if there were none an what I might be posting then
I'm coming for your charging plate, BTW. Just because you said it.
Anna
Anna
You turn into Julio Iglesias...
the all the ones you've loved before ...
Who traveled in and out your door
You're glad they came along
You dedicate this song???
take the drugs.
The weird thing is my MOMNY (who has a bunch of health conditions) always wanted me drugless, and she was my TARGET as a teen, you'd think she would GET it. I think it was because like, I had to abort a kid, and like, she wanted me to be happy and have another kid.
I tried to explain to her that a) that would not fix my sadness about the event and b) if she thought I was going to change ANYTHING (like I did before, and it went to hell in a handbasket) I would NOT be aborting another kid and also c) there is no inherent merit (for me) in going drugless, I would be completely non functional and would probably wind up killing the kid I had. Not on purpose but by accident.
To be fair, when I said I was going on lithium because it worked, she totally loaned me the copay for tooth extraction and like, denture purchase. EVERYONE knew it would work, even me.
It took a therapist who suggested "radical acceptance" of my depression. "Just do the minimum possible and lay on the couch and want to die every winter," was her description. I don't know if she was the smartest woman on earth, or the dumbest. Either way I owe her a debt of gratitude because I said, "I'm not EVER doing that. That sounds like hell on earth. Here's your last copay, because I'm going home, taking lithium, and having all my teeth out.
So, I guess she gave me radical acceptance of like, lithium and it's nutty effects. I took it in my 20s and had 10K of dental work but it's really hard to contemplate dentures in your twenties, etc.
Anna
I tried to explain to her that a) that would not fix my sadness about the event and b) if she thought I was going to change ANYTHING (like I did before, and it went to hell in a handbasket) I would NOT be aborting another kid and also c) there is no inherent merit (for me) in going drugless, I would be completely non functional and would probably wind up killing the kid I had. Not on purpose but by accident.
To be fair, when I said I was going on lithium because it worked, she totally loaned me the copay for tooth extraction and like, denture purchase. EVERYONE knew it would work, even me.
It took a therapist who suggested "radical acceptance" of my depression. "Just do the minimum possible and lay on the couch and want to die every winter," was her description. I don't know if she was the smartest woman on earth, or the dumbest. Either way I owe her a debt of gratitude because I said, "I'm not EVER doing that. That sounds like hell on earth. Here's your last copay, because I'm going home, taking lithium, and having all my teeth out.
So, I guess she gave me radical acceptance of like, lithium and it's nutty effects. I took it in my 20s and had 10K of dental work but it's really hard to contemplate dentures in your twenties, etc.
Anna
Gonna change focus from vaping to drinking for a minute.
It is time soon for me to attempt to recreate a fancy-schmantzy drink I had a while ago while travelling. You know, the kind of thing where the bar lists which locally famous mixologist developed the recipes... Pffffft.
Anyway, I like to simplify, so what I'm gonna whip up is this, basically:
An old-fashioned, with an iceball made of cider.
Got maraschinos (dang! those are expensive!). And some bourbon. Bitters. And a friggin' apple cider ice ball. No sugar cube, but I'll improvise. Wish me luck!
It is time soon for me to attempt to recreate a fancy-schmantzy drink I had a while ago while travelling. You know, the kind of thing where the bar lists which locally famous mixologist developed the recipes... Pffffft.
Anyway, I like to simplify, so what I'm gonna whip up is this, basically:
An old-fashioned, with an iceball made of cider.
Got maraschinos (dang! those are expensive!). And some bourbon. Bitters. And a friggin' apple cider ice ball. No sugar cube, but I'll improvise. Wish me luck!
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