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don't know where to post this this looked like as good as any

Discussion in 'Support for the Struggling' started by MadmanMacguyver, Mar 21, 2011.

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  1. MadmanMacguyver

    MadmanMacguyver Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Feb 8, 2011
    Dallas Texas
    For those who see this and don't already know I have aspergers syndrome and a smattering of other problems...

    I have been doing great w my PVs until today:

    I went around turning off lights in rooms not occupied as is my habit. She leaves them on.(sometimes for hrs) and about 10 min later she came in cussing me out about making her waste time turning them back on. BIG FIGHT!!!

    WEll after that I had a meltdown result being I had been getting ready to sit down and write something similar to this when it happened computer wound up on other side of living room monitor busted into 3 or 4 pieces and everything that had been sitting here scattered to the four winds...I am now having a serious Nic fit or lack of one of the (secret ingredients )fit... had to go next door and buy an analog I have 18 and 24 nic fluids and they're doing no good. still trying to push off another meltdown due to the fit...Can't go take a walk as I used to do my leg would last about 3 min and give out...(torn muscle) still a nervous wreck of course I am always a nervous wreck after one of these meltdowns that would be a whole pack or 2 back to back till I could calm down.

    And yea this is the same computer and monitor that got bounced around...Don't ask me how I can fix things so well I cant tell ya I had to re-solder a couple of pins and fix a crack ion a board (lucky it isn't multilayer I'd be screwed)

    Should I get 36 for these situations or higher I used to smoke anywhere from 2- maybe 5 or 6 packs a day...I had a press so exact numbers is kinda moot I know I would go thru 16 to 30 oz of tobacco in less than a day on a good day...

    I have been fine otherwise. even had to make some no nic for nightime vaping.
  2. keyzygirl

    keyzygirl ECF Guru ECF Veteran

    Aug 10, 2009
    Key West,Fl.
    Are you okay now?Maybe you should use snuz,it has some of the chemicals that are in tobacco and might help.I dont know what else to tell you.Your very lucky that you have someone that will put up with your temper.I would not.I hope your okay.
  3. ckgjt

    ckgjt Super Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Feb 3, 2011
    I would try higher nicotine and for the time being try what keyzygirl suggested. But it sounds as if there are more issues than just the nicotine strength. Good luck
  4. MadmanMacguyver

    MadmanMacguyver Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Feb 8, 2011
    Dallas Texas
    I wish it was's a response to to much stress /stimulation and its not fun watching myself do it I don't want to... have you seen an autistic child flip out...Same thing. difference Is I have learned to know most of the time when one is getting close.and I am bigger hence more damage. and she was standing there cussing me out after I had given up.

    Also not to be mean or Nasty But attitudes that Is why I cant work a real job in the (normals) world people don't understand that is not who I am it is a symptom of a disorder...I want to work I ESPECIALLY don't want to smash my computer and frankly when these fits are over to tell the truth I only remember fragments although I can CLEARLY remember the embarrassment and indescribable horror while I am doing it... I may be an exception to the general rule but then NO one was there to help me when insurance ran out. I had to adjust to my problem myself and its not easy

    I am srry if I have insulted you but if this was simply my temper which I have one but that usually involves simply going outside.
  5. keyzygirl

    keyzygirl ECF Guru ECF Veteran

    Aug 10, 2009
    Key West,Fl.
    Dont feel badly,my son is borderline autistic and has rapid cycling bipolar disorder.I know that it is not done intentionally.He also is a wiz at fixing and building things but cant hold a job because of his disorders.
  6. Saintscruiser

    Saintscruiser Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Jul 24, 2010
    It seems to me, that if you were smoking that many analogs a day when these outbreaks happen, the higher nicotine level is a good place to start. My only hold back on this is it becoming a higher stimulant, which only you can know the answer to.....does it hurt or help your physical problems with AS? That seems to be my only thought on that. Were you smoking filter/non-filter analogs, light/ultra light analogs. It seems to me that would more or less determine your nicotine level. These are questions only you can answer. I was smoking ultra lights but am using 26 mg nicotine as I suffer from chronic fatigue and need the stimulant to help me function better.

    Your house sounds like mine. My husband goes behind me turning off lights, but I only leave on the lower wattage bulbs. I leave on 3 5-watt lights in my bathroom and bedroom, and a 40 watt light in my craft room walking to the hall. Those are the only lights I need at night to go to the back of the house. It drives him nuts, but since I have a great sensitivity to bright lights, I utilize the lower wattage ones to guide my path. He still complains about it, but I do it anyway. It uses less money than if I would turn on a higher watt light on and off 20 times at night. I wish you well.:)
  7. MadmanMacguyver

    MadmanMacguyver Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Feb 8, 2011
    Dallas Texas
    Well to start off I have long ago replaced all the lights in the house w high efficiency bulbs because they can wind up being on for hrs at a time no one using them but thats not the subject or why I sent that so I'll drop that tangent befor I really get going...

    The nic or cigs have been my crutch for years...the more stressed I get the more I smoked. I dont go to doctors anymore unless I have to ( I knew something was not normal about me since 5 or 6 maybe) But they kept giving me what I knew was the wrong diagnosis and medications for 4 years in a hospital in Dallas. I finally had enough when they started suggesting shock therapy...They had already done enough damage.

    As to knowing they were the wrong diagnosis I took Psychology and advanced Psy and wrecked the curve for everyone else those years. I simply dont like docs now due to being a guinea pig and still wondering what they told my family that kept them from allowing me home after insurance ran out...

    I do pretty well for the most part but I have a serious problem w stress and to top it off I have Emotional Dis-regulation which does cause me to fly off the handle at the drop of a hat. this time it was apparently my turn to be browbeaten till the AS kicked in...I am usually able to tell right before it happens and get away from situation.

    After the meltdown it was like I was puffin on air and thats w 6.8v on a 5 ohm carto using 24 nic which I normally wont do high volt. so obviously there is something else there I was basically using to self medicate to calm myself down. I wound up going next door and getting a cigar (shame) and puffing it all the way down and was better but not truly calm. I am still twitching (my description for being mouthy) today. I've even decided not to do any mod work or research today because I don't want to sour myself on it.

    As for the kind of analogues I smoked Camel Wides full strength and I didn't quite chain them but a friend freaked when I killed a carton he gave me in 3 days. funny thing is my lungs apparently weren't that bad or were correcting or something I beat my stepfather (who is a Diving Instructor) in who could hold breath longer... Him 2 1/2 min me 3 1/4 min.. of course not the same as being active under water but none the less impressive. I may have to go thru the trace chem list and find out what it is that helped... I am loathe to go to a doc and be a guinea pig again. I react poorly to most meds I had about 100 to 120 seizures while there from diff meds they put me on even while on anti-seizure medication which I do not normally need.

    The main problem here is I have several comorbid conditions that really feed into each other and make it all much worse...
    LOL just think I might have been the next Freud in another life... (yea most good psychologists and such are a little messed themselves.) Personal experience... Only good one I had there was crippled from polio. Didn't hurt her mind...
  8. keyzygirl

    keyzygirl ECF Guru ECF Veteran

    Aug 10, 2009
    Key West,Fl.
    Hey,it sounds like your doing better today.Im glad.I hope you figure it out,could be the MAOIs.maybe.Look in the health section,theres lots of info over there.
  9. Mary Kay

    Mary Kay ECF Guru ECF Veteran

    Apr 3, 2009
    West Tampa Fl.
    Most mental disorders come in clusters and as you said they feed off each other. If you are having temper control problems, I would suggest a slowing exercize like (upper body due to your injury)or just make something up. I use an image technique. I visualize a thermometer that is topped out and slowly try to lower it. I use this for Blood pressure. I can watch it go down when I am on a monitor. I don't know why when you feel that temper start to rise it wouldn't help you. maybe a mental rebuilding of a computer.
    As for your vaping problem..your stress was managed for years by smoking, there are a lot of chemicals in cigarettes that are not in an e-juice. Just vaping is not going to have that instant calming effect because it's not all down to nic.
    Many people with health, emotional or mental problems use cigarettes for self medication.
    If things like mood regulating drugs, exercize or therapy cannot help you then use your extreme intellect to find a therapy that works for you. I would start with stress reduction since stress triggers your rage. Some stress is good for you if you learn to handle it!
    Good luck to you
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