Falling into the abyss...so much for this year being better...

[maureengill]

So...I had a really bad year last year and still was down from 1.5-2 packs a day to usually under 5 a day even through the most stressful year of my life (mostly less and sometimes none). This year started off crazy and already feels like last year. I feel the cigs creeping back in and clearly need to do something to stop them. I've started to stress about trying not to smoke again and it's really bugging me. Currently I'm using a VP-F which offers 3.7v/5v with a 36mg liquid. I told myself over a year ago when I got my first 510 that I wasn't going to stress over quitting this time. Unfortunately everything else has me stressed out and it's been getting more and more difficult to say no to cigs. Maybe I'll order some purecig this weekend (please please tell me there is a sale...)

Thanks for letting me vent.

*Update and more information in post 12*

 

[Free2BMe]

What can we do to help, Maureen? Let us know cause we are here for you.

You might want to give PureCig a try. It does seem to be closest to the "real thing".

Don't let the stress overtake you. Plan out a relax mode and put it into action when you need to. We are here for support whenever you need us.

 

[RY4Junkee]

I know this might not help bc it's the internet and all, but I'll try it anyway...BIG HUG!! I hope things get better for ya real quick.

I've read a lot about PureCig. I'm thinking about trying some myself.

Good luck to you. You have lots of friends on this site so feel free to vent anytime!

 

[Automaton]

Maureen,

Don't be hard on yourself over this. We know better than anyone that cigarettes are a coping mechanism - and for a lot of people, a very effective one. Do what you need to, to feel well in this time of stress. I'd love to see you post that you've quit smoking as much as anyone, but I'd also like to see you well. If those things can't happen at the same time right now, that's ok.

Have you looked into smokeless tobacco, like snus or snuff, for your cigarette cravings? I keep a small supply of snuff around for that purpose. I don't use it much, but I know it's there if I need to.

PureCig definitely helps with my cig cravings - certainly worth a shot. We always have a sale in the works, and other things too. Give us a few days...

 

[TexasT]

Pills. That might be the way to go. I've always been a hypochondriac. As a little boy, I'd eat my M&M's one by one with a glass of water. Made me feeeell goooddd.

The best alternative to that is PureCig. You can vape it when you get it but it does improve with steeping. Try that before you try the cigarettes. It'll work.

The only other thing I can think of is ... I know this might not help bc it's the internet and all, but I'll try it anyway...BIG SE/\!! Now I have Dr. Ab and the debonair LD available here in my TexasT Dating Club, both prosperous and highly respected gentlemen and immediately available to create happy moments and fond memories. A price list is available on request.

I'm here to help!

TexasT

 

[MikeDeason]

Having a 5v Passthrough w/cartos and 36ml juice in my car and at the computer really helped me quit cause jumping in the car and sitting at the computer and lighting up was such an ingrained habit.

 

[maureengill]

Thanks TT...that made me chuckle...

Anyway...(this might be more information that you need, but TT asked for it...)I actually have been getting more of that than I have in years....I met a 22 year old on new years eve and we've been "hanging out" lately.

Unfortunately...22 is a little young for a relationship for me...

On the other hand...I couldn't imagine how stressed out I would be if this wasn't happening...unfortunately last night my nephew decided to move out of my sisters house and my whole family has been in shambles for the last year. I gave up on anything getting better at this point because it is pretty much the abyss that I've been living in for the last year. One thing after another after another. Hopefully after court on Tuesday I can put the fact that I was robbed behind me and move forward.

Pills. That might be the way to go. I've always been a hypochondriac. As a little boy, I'd eat my M&M's one by one with a glass of water. Made me feeeell goooddd.

The best alternative to that is PureCig. You can vape it when you get it but it does improve with steeping. Try that before you try the cigarettes. It'll work.

The only other thing I can think of is ... I know this might not help bc it's the internet and all, but I'll try it anyway...BIG SE/\!! Now I have Dr. Ab and the debonair LD available here in my TexasT Dating Club, both prosperous and highly respected gentlemen and immediately available to create happy moments and fond memories. A price list is available on request.

I'm here to help!

TexasT

 

[KongsRevenge]

Maureen-
I don't know you personally and I have no idea what's going on in your life to cause this stress for you...so I apologize if what I'm about to say doesn't help...but I want you to know that no matter what is going on in your life, you have one thing that you can always turn to- one thing that can never be taken away, one thing that can never be truly defeated...That one thing is you. You, you, you.
All of us, every person on this planet, we have incredible, vast reserves of strength and fortitude in ourselves that we have only to recognize in order to tap. You may not realize it, but it's there. Life can be tough, cruel, and unfair- and when it is, you have two simple choices- you can let it get to you, or you can look it right in the eye and say "I will NOT be beaten!". This sounds like generic self-help crap but I swear to god it's true.
My wife is a good example- she'd probably kill me for giving out this personal information on her, but I want you to hear it- my wife has survived violent rape, abusive relationships, attempted murder, and cancer. Most remarkably, she also sustained a traumatic brain injury-as in, big freaking piece of wood was driven through her skull and brain- she died twice on the way to the hospital. She was comatose for just under 3 months. Her parents were told she'd never be the same person. When she finally came out of it, she didn't know her own parents, couldn't walk, and couldn't count past 10. Fast forward 8 years, and she's about to finish a Doctorate in Molecular and Cellular Pathology from one of the top 5 schools in the world in that field. She got through it because she found that strength in herself to press forward, regardless of how much was thrown at her.

I'm not as good an example, but in my case, I was a lifelong athlete who was basically broken in half told I would be crippled for the rest of my life. I spent years feeling sorry for myself over it- failed out of school, couldn't hold a job, and basically wasn't worth a damn to myself or anyone else. Made a lot of bad decisions-, but eventually I realized that my problems were my own doing- I grew up and decided to fix my life. I'm still in a lot of pain, but I work on my feet, with lots of heavy lifting. I'll finish my master's degree in May.

I'm not telling you this to say "hey, look at me! I'm awesome!". I'm telling you this because my wife and I are both completely normal people. There is nothing special about me at all- and my wife would say the same about herself.

Maureen, find that thing in you that simply won't back down, and won't let the stress get to you! Find that part of yourself that refuses to be beaten. I promise you it's there. It's what makes us human. I know you can do it!

And while you're looking for that thing inside you...PureCig is pretty awesome

p.s. Sorry if this was too much personal info...I just really believe in people and was hoping that sharing a bit with a stranger might help!

 

[Automaton]

Kong,

Wow. Thank you for sharing that.

For some of us, it is harder to access that part of us that doesn't want to give up than others. Your wife may be an example of someone who has constant access to it. She sounds like an incredibly woman.

I certainly don't have that good of access. That all by itself makes life harder. But it is there, and when my cynical ... has needed to find it, I have. If it's there in me, it's there in almost anyone.

I know, Maureen, that you have had a pretty horrible year, but I hope you find access to that part of yourself. Even if you need to lean on cigarettes for now to have a better connection to it, that's ok. I did that, too.

No one is a lone pillar, and even the people with the best access to that unkillable part of themselves sometimes need to lean.

I'm certainly not as strong as it sounds like Kong's wife is, but in times when I have needed to lean, I have been able to do that to the degree I'm comfortable here.

We're all here for you.

 

[banjo]

With a lot of stress in your life, I certainly wouldn't recommend adding to it by being overly concerned about a few analogs to help you get through the day..........

 

[trichman]

Hugs all around. The FSUSA forum is so much more than a typical forum. I drop in when I need a lift and boy did you guys light me up today.

Maureen, it looks to me like you have nowhere to go but UP. Hang in there and when you can't hang out here.

 

[maureengill]

Sorry guys....I totally didn't notice that I didn't give a background for this here...I put it in the wrecked and bonkers forum (where clearly I belong this year and last). I copied some of it below....

12-14-2010 01:45 PM
So...I'll start off saying that this has truly been the worst year ever. My nephew passed away back in April (6 months short of his 21st birthday to the day) due to a drug overdose and it's been downhill since. His mother (my sister) seems to have fallen off of her rocker. She left her husband for another person (husbands best friend) and together I think they are just on a total binge. I really have no idea what to do for her and it's running my depression into the ground. She is currently living in my grandfathers old house with her new boyfriend. She is supposed to pay taxes on that and hasn't been. I feel bad for her other son because although he is 18 he really shouldn't have to deal with this. (he's currently going to school to be an auto mechanic) I have no idea how to get through to her and truthfully I'm really scared for her. I'm still dealing with the robbery that occurred and have pretty much just been keeping to myself lately because I've lost trust with some of my closest friends.

12-15-2010 10:16 AM
My nephews wife lived with me for just over six months and moved in with my great niece because her and my nephew weren't getting along so well and separated (they were married). Apparently she started hanging with my nephew again and was also using illegal substances. I believe he got a copy of my house key from her and decided to come in and take anything he thought he could make a buck off of (this was after she moved out, but I didn't realize until after this happened that the key I gave her wasn't the key I got back...it was made at walmart where she worked and i got mine at loews). (ipod, digital camera, any cash he could find) I only found out it was him because he was stupid enough to take one of my checks to the bank and forge it to try and get cash from my checking account. The teller was able to describe the car and it was his current girlfriend in the drivers seat. It was about a month later that he overdosed. He was exactly 6 months short of his
21st birthday. This killed me because I helped my mom and dad raise my nephews for a year when I was 16....they were 1 and 3. I worked full time, went to school full time, and on my two nights off I watched them until my parents got home. I was up with them at all hours of the morning because my parents did enough and I didn't really mind doing it.

A second time this year I invited some acquaintences over to hang out for a bit and while I was using the bathroom they decided to run off with my change jar and the cash that I had been saving for my great niece. (Apparently one of them took it and hid it while the others watched him steal from me)

The third time I had one of my best friends over and he brought a family member over with him. This person decided that they would take one of my house keys with them so they could come back to my house while I was at work one day and sort through everything I own and take whatever they wanted. This included over 4500 in cash from my lockbox, the spare key to the car I had just purchased a week before (I totalled mine in a car accident in September because someone thought they had a green arrow and they didn't), my Ipod, my football jerseys, all the jewelry that was left in my jewelry box (not much at that point), my credit card (which they activated and signed because I had just recieved the replacement), my coin collection, my expired drivers license, and I'm sure there is more that I haven't found yet or have forgotten. So for the third time this year I have changed my locks and I've pretty much decided that I don't want to have anything to do with having friends anymore. With friends like these...you know the line. I was supposed to go to court (there were two of them and they got caught because they used my credit card in a place where there were cameras) the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, but recieved a continuance in the mail the Friday before. I have to use a club on my car (and I guess I should be thankful that I still have a car) which is a reminder of this mess everyday. I now have to worry about my identity because they used the last 4 of my social to activate my credit card. I'm scheduled to go back to court in January now and have to testify against the two kids (mid 20's)...or should I say addicts...they are using the same crap my nephew was. The brother of my friend decided to hit up all of his brothers friends from what I hear. It's just not cool how intertwined all this seems to be, and on top of all this my dad has been laid off for a year and a half now, and my sister is having her issues. It just seems neverending. I've been trying to take care of me, but it's not been easy.

12-31-2010 11:52 AM
Just an update...ugh...so my sisters son got into an accident in her jeep (black ice on the way to school one morning) and my dad drove his 2010 camaro off a curb....he thought it was snow. On top of that the day after christmas I was taking my sister to see her boyfriend at the VA hospital when she had a siezure in my car. Talk about the scariest thing ever...I made her go to the ER and get her head scanned. She told the doc that it was her first siezure, but I found out from her husband that she had 1 before. I can actually say that I look forward to going to court in January, although I wish it had happened in November as scheduled and with my luck (or lack thereof) they will wait until the 10th and continue it again.

I really am tired of floaties in my corn flakes and am wondering if I should just accept the fact that they aren't going away....

01-05-2011 03:55 PM
Another quick update....so to start off the new year...on Monday my sister wrecked her boyfriends motorcycle....and my dad found out about it from her soon to be ex-husband. In his haste to get over there (a block from his house) he tripped on the uneven sidewalk and his cheek paid the price. My dad has been laid off for going on two years now and is currently back in school. He's diabetic and has been taking a new medication for concentration issues. It has been making him unstable on his feet. That and he's been pushing himself too hard. He wants to hear nothing about this and between him and my sister my worries are piling up. I understand that he wants to work (worked for the same company for 30 years before they laid him off...Of course they couldn't have offered him a nice retirement package at 57). This week I found a small lump on my neck (feels like a calcium deposit) and now I have to setup a dr. appointment to get it looked at (no insurance). I have to go to court next tuesday unless they put up another continuance on me and look at the douschebags that robbed my house....UGH...

TODAY
So I had to help move my youngest nephew out of his mothers house yesterday. Tempers flared and basically he was done dealing with it. I moved him over to his dad's apartment. Unfortunately my sister lost her medical benefits when she and her boyfriend lost their jobs (worked at the same place her husband did and they were laid off) and she can't afford her medication. We checked at Walmart the other day and for 4 of her perscriptions (only about half of them) it was over a thousand dollars. I'm sure that is why she and her son went at it yesterday and unfortunately there isn't much I can do for her. I'm at the point where it feels like my family is crumbling and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.

Wow...I think I need to get me some health insurance...I for sure need to go see a shrink myself...

 

[Free2BMe]

((((((( maureen ))))))) Hang in there, Friend....and if you need to smoke right now, smoke. Just don't think we're letting you off the hook of hanging out here with all of us in the meantime.

 

[salemgold]

Oh Maureen! I can really feel your pain. I also lost a nephew to a drug overdose (accidental) a few years ago. He really didn't OD he just mixed the wrong two drugs. He was on life support until the day after his 22nd birthday when he passed. He was an only child. I was the only one with enough strength to do it so I stayed by his side with his parents until he took his last breath. My heart really goes out to you.

Don't stress about the cigs. You don't need to add another stress to your already stressful situation. Just concentrate on trying to smoke as few as possible. The Purecig might just do it for you as it is the closest that I have found to a cig.

Something that I have learned (still struggle to apply) is that we have very little control over what others in our life do with theirs. We really need to try and take care of ourselves or what good are we to others? I know how hard it is when it is family but you really have no control over their choices. The best that you can do is to be supportive and try to do what you know is right for yourself and everything else will fall into place.

We are always here to talk to so don't hesitate when you need a shoulder to lean on.

 

[tgcrna]

((((((( maureen ))))))) hang in there, friend....and if you need to smoke right now, smoke. Just don't think we're letting you off the hook of hanging out here with all of us in the meantime.

ditto!!!!!

 

[samsmom]

Dearest Maureen,

I am so sorry for what you have been through and what you are going through. My son has been addicted to drugs for almost 20 years now and I won't go into the details but he causes me lots of grief. I have learned that I have to take care of myself and that I can't control what he does and what anyone else does for that matter.

I don't mean to preach, but if you are not involved with church you should give it a try. If God leads you to it he will get you through it. Prayer goes a long way, believe me!

I have plenty of PURECIG on hand and would love to send you some for FREE with no strings attached. It's the least thing I can do to help a fellow vaper.

It is menthol but the menthol is not very pronounced.

Please PM me your name and mailing address and I'll get it out in tomorrow's mail.

I don't push religion on anyone and don't want to even elaborate on such a touchy subject, but I will be praying for you and I'm sure there are many other christians here that will be doing the same.

I will we waiting for your PM and God Speed!

 

[div]

Best I can do, since everyone here said all I wanted to.....(((BIG HUGS))). Try the purecig, it's has helped me so much. It probably needs to steep...but I''m inpatient and I like it very much.